𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 | 𝐛𝐧𝐡𝐚

𝟏𝟐. 𝐔𝐒𝐉 𝐏𝐓 𝟏

it's almost pathetic, how easily i let go. the water wraps around me, cold and indifferent, yet somehow more tender than any touch i've ever known. it pulls me under with a quiet insistence, and i don't fight it-i just let it happen, like a puppet whose strings have finally snapped. there's a sick comfort in the way the darkness closes in, seeping into my skin, wrapping itself around my bones. it's a lover's embrace, twisted and wrong, but it's all i've ever known. and maybe that's why i don't resist, why i let it drag me down into its cold, unfeeling depths.

the water isn't just filling my lungs-it's infiltrating every part of me, soaking into the marrow of my bones, staining me from the inside out. there's a pressure, relentless and crushing, like the weight of every mistake, every sin, pressing down on me all at once. it's almost poetic, in a twisted sort of way. this is my karma, isn't it? the world's final judgment, delivered with the cruel efficiency i've come to expect. there's no escape, no last-minute salvation-just the inevitable, creeping closer with every breath, every heartbeat.

and the worst part? i don't care. i can feel my body convulsing, spasming in a desperate, useless attempt to survive, but my mind is somewhere else, detached, watching from a distance as i drown. it's almost funny, really. all those years of running, of fighting, of trying to stay one step ahead of the reaper, and here i am, handing myself over to him like a willing sacrifice. i can feel him, death, standing just behind me, his cold fingers brushing the nape of my neck, and instead of flinching, i lean into the touch. i let him in, let him take me, because what's the point in fighting anymore?

this world... it never loved me. not once, not ever. and i spent so long trying to force it to, trying to carve out a place for myself in a reality that didn't want me, didn't need me. and now, as the darkness swallows me whole, i can't help but laugh at the irony of it all. i'm leaving a world that never wanted me, never cared whether i lived or died, and the thought doesn't fill me with fear or regret. no, it's something closer to relief, like finally slipping off a pair of shoes that never fit right in the first place.the water is relentless, seeping into my lungs, filling them with a burning, searing agony that should have me screaming, fighting, but i just... don't.

my body twitches, a final, pathetic attempt to live, but my mind is already gone, sinking into the cold, comforting darkness. it's almost peaceful, this suffocation, this slow, inevitable drowning. there's a certain poetry in it, in the way the world blurs and fades, the way the cold wraps itself around me, like a mother's arms around a child she never wanted. and i realize, with a sort of detached clarity, that i've been waiting for this moment my entire life.

all those years of pretending, of forcing myself to care, to feel, and now, at the end, i can finally admit the truth: i don't want to live. i never did. not in a world that spat me out, chewed me up, and tossed me aside like a broken toy. not in a reality where every breath feels like a battle, where every heartbeat is a reminder of how much i don't belong. this, this drowning, it's not a tragedy-it's a release. it's the only kindness this world has ever shown me, and i take it, with open arms, with a bitter, twisted smile on my lips.