Chapter II- First day out

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I stared at dark night sky while contemplating about the happenings of today.

I shook my head and snorted.

“It’s real.” I swallowed.

I felt like crying but my eyes can’t give me tears that moment.

I looked down and watched the commoners do their daily job in this old world.

I’m in 1896…

Now I felt like laughing. The events happened so fast. It was only yesterday when I was thinking about what my life will be without going to school. I was regretting a little that I dropped out. I felt useless and without purpose.

Purpose

Now I wondered what the purpose of me here is in this place, and time. I want to believe I sure have one. Maybe it will be a good getaway from Auntie Vicky’s hurtful words and disappointed looks. They’re killing me. I also miss mama terribly, frustratingly. If angels are true, I hope she’s watching me now, and will guide me in my life here. I wish she also will let me feel her, so I won’t feel so alone. I wish I could hear her whisper to me when I will have to do a decision.

Mama…

Tears started to stream down my face. I balled my left hand and put it against my chest. My other hand gripped the wood of the window.

I wiped my tears with the sleeves of my nightdress.

A thought occurred to me. I walked towards the bed, remembering the notebook there.

There was also a pen and ink. I was into antiques ever since I was young so I knew how to use it. Mama had one like this.

I started to write.

Mama,

  I don’t know if you’ll see this. I am in 1896, and I hope the time you will be born, you would be able to see this.

You’re the only one who can comfort me, mama. Sorry for my whining, but I feel like I really need you today, and perhaps in the days that will follow.

Everything and everyone’s good to me here. The servant, Ellena, is like my best friend here. I also feel good about the boy, Ciro. He is always willing to help me. The master of the house, Don Leonardo, is also a kind and a gentle man. There are also his two sons, Leonel and Chico. Chico is a young one and he looks so sweet. Leonel is a beautiful one and he’s also smart and talented. I wish I would get to know them well.

 I am sorry for dropping out of school. I know it’s a disappointment to you, mama. But I also know you would understand me, like you always did. Right now, I feel useless and quite miserable. I wish to feel your comfort. I am sure you know I have something to prove and dreams to reach.

Your daughter is now out for a bizarre adventure. I will do all my best to show you that I am someone for you to be proud of. Our lesson times, they won’t be wasted. I will use all you have taught me, here. And your influence and presence will always be with me.

Mama, I miss you so much. Please embrace me tonight, and keep me calm and at peace. I love you, for always.

 

I closed the notebook and returned the pen in its original place. I took a deep breath and lied down, staring at the window.

A cool and gentle breeze blew. I felt comforted. I slowly closed my eyes. Perhaps, mama was here after all. Perhaps she didn’t leave me alone.

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