In the Shadows of Love: Billy's Romantic Odyssey.

5 || Mysterious Benefactor.

Ever since those days, I had been constantly sweating, regular panic a guess. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the attic's open view to spy on the John's affairs.

Frustrated, I had turned into a detective of sorts, trying to make sense of the nightmare I had about a woman I had admired for so long.

As the dawn broke, it all felt so plain and ordinary, with my cousin tapping my forehead, stretching, and groaning loudly, as if I had been wrestling with a ghost. I ever wanted to be left alone. Wander in those lingering fanatics.

It was true; I had experienced a once in a blue-moon fantasy, one that would make men envious, produce their semen in the middle of their sleep, wet dream or apparent. It was the most wonderful dream I had ever had.

For the next few days, I almost went savage, forgetting to eat and drink. My hopes and spirits had been so high, and I truly believed that I was finally experiencing reality, but my heart felt light as a feather.

However, waking up in my attic every day, next to John's farm, shattered those illusions and made me realize that my dreams had been the death of me. A complete demise. An infinite abyss.

One morning, I dared to visit my attic view once more, and it nearly crashed my heart into venomous pieces. There was Lily and Nathan, just as they always were. Beautiful birds, hauling hay from the barn. They kissed and played around as usual, and John was watching them with an admiration I could never have imagined.

The farm was thriving, unlike my own life, which seemed to be drifting further away with each passing day, stack in the bottom.

Their petty banter affected my heart in an inexplicable manner. The reason to keep hopping somehow, somewhat escaped my reach. I felt like the walking dead in the horror movie with a similar title.

I couldn't help but think about the ethereal fantasy which had turned out to be nothing more than an incredible nightmare.

Selena clearly enjoyed every moment, while I was left to bury my dreams and resume my normal surveillance with my hopes lost to invisible shame and my candle blown by a mighty blast to the dead of the earth. Love, lust and elusive forms distant away with every other minute adding to the previous one.

I meticulously cleaned and inspected my instruments, ready to get back to work. I tried to crack a smile and get a grip so I can perform at my peak. A bit of self-talk. Fastening myself to tight actions, and, ready to run headlong into my good old job.

Spying is my thing, dude. I find joy and grace and certain level of experience when I do it at least. I've never thought of anyone who could beat me to my game for the last consecutive two decades.

Jaime Teller was promising though, throughout his time. He'd his sweet tongue twisting every tale in town into tiny morsels of sweet cheesecakes, he'd everyone going about him. He'd a real goddamn career, unlike my own, fractured and delusional one. Jaime had a nice girl who showed up on a reality show, the latest Lamborghini, flat car, and turned heads everywhere that CNN international broadcast salivated him for an inside man. His life was going well and uninterrupted until he perished in a plane crush. Awful passing homie! That wasn't cool. If I knew him, my heart would have broken for losing such a good old git.

I felt like a displaced crap of used up distorted bottles by the riverbank. My resilience was just too delicate but unbreakable, otherwise I'd be collected down the river stream, washed up and pale white with horrifying blown teeth. Despite, I don't let my guard down that easy way. I confront my flaws the best I can.

So, as I always do, pull my big boy pants and force a crack on my hopeless face, ready for a dash.

It was news to me that Nathan and Lily were now a married couple and were approaching their engagement window. How painful and heart-wrenching that realization was! Although I wasn't envious, the fairy impression had torn my heart into even smaller unrecoverable shards.