Depression

What is depression?

        Depression is a mental illness. A mental illness is in your head and it can affect your mood or your behavior etc. There are many other forms of mental illnesses. It's something that can't be cured just by a trip to the doctor's office. It takes a lot of time to get better but it does not  last forever. There are different levels of depression, just like every other mental illness. These levels are mild, moderate, and severe. I have severe depression. So this is what it's like for me, what I feel: A constant, nagging feeling of sadness or just nothingness. Feeling sad but not knowing why, or just feeling empty. Feeling like I was trapped in a box or in a tunnel and can't get out. I could see the light to the end of the tunnel but no matter how hard I fought I just couldn't escape. Never feeing good enough or worth it. Thinking that life isn't worth living. Constantly thinking I was better off dead. Those thoughts ran through my mind everyday and all night. I lost sleep and I couldn't eat. I lost motivation to do anything. I didn't want to do the things I once enjoyed or even get out of bed. It was horrible.

        Depression can be caused by many different factors. Some examples would be something that happened in the past and/or present or it can be traced to something genetic. But no matter how it was caused, it's still horrible either way. Like I said above, depression can't be cured by going to the doctor's office and then being prescribed an antibiotic for a couple weeks. Some people go to counseling while others take a specific medication for their depression. Some people might do both. It may also depend on how bad a person may have it. But before you try medication, talk to your doctor and try counseling at first. You'll also need a parents permission for the medication if you're young.

        Therapy isn't as bad as some people say it is. My parents and doctor had me go to counseling for a little while. I went once every week, on Monday. I, personally did not like it. But that's because I have anxiety and talking to the therapist was difficult for me. But that's a different story. The first day that I went was just to get to know each other. Not only did we talk about why I was there, but we also talked about things we enjoy or dislike etc. So it was a pretty normal conversation. The next time I went things got more serious. I took a depression and anxiety test. Don't worry, you don't have to study anything. It just asks you questions and you have to answer 1-5 on how it affects you. And you have to answer honestly. 1 being at no time and 5 being all the time. Or the other way around, but it'll say so on the paper. An example of one of the questions would be "Have you lost interest in your daily activities?"

        Now, the third week got pretty bad. At this point I just didn't want to go. And it was affecting my school work, I just had too much homework and not enough time. So I was in a pretty bad mood, threw a fit, and refused to talk to the counselor. (Do not do this, please). The week before I had put a 5 under the question "Have you ever felt that life isn't worth living?" So of course the counselor wanted to talk to me. But, after that I didn't go again. And honestly, I regret it. So please, please, please, keep going to counseling until you truly feel like you're better. And answer the questions honestly! If you feel like you're a 5 for something but you put something less, then you won't get the help you need. And you need the exact kind of help that is needed to get you better.

        There's one more important topic I would like to go over in this chapter. DO NOT self diagnose yourself. For anyone who doesn't know, self diagnosing something is when you google a disease or mental illness and seeing if you have any symptoms. If they have the symptoms then they automatically assume that they have that disease and/or mental illness without seeing a doctor. There's no problem about googling symptoms, but if you think you have something that's bad for your health, then talk to the doctor. Your doctor will tell you if you have it and if you do then your doctor will tell you what you need to do. If you get prescribed to take a medication, do exactly what the directions tell you to do. Do not overdose. That goes for all medicines, actually. Overdosing will not make you feel better sooner. It will make you feel worse, you can get sick and even die from it. Also, make sure you know what the side effects of the medication is. This will help you decide if taking the medication is still a good idea for you.