Depression

The Tunnel

        The Tunnel  is a little poem a wrote a few months ago. I also mentioned this in the last chapter. How my depression feels like a never ending tunnel. Or how I can see the light at the end but I just can't escape.

It feels like I'm in this never ending tunnel of darkness and pain. I always see the light at the end but I can never get there. It gets farther and farther away with each horrible step. This tunnel has more than just darkness in it. It has monsters, all kinds of monsters. "Die." "Cut." "Don't eat." "Worthless." They whisper these things over and over again, especially when I'm trying to sleep. They have claws as sharp as razor blades. Every time you feel like you're going to break, they cut your wrists, thighs, hips, everywhere. Their hair, oh, their hair. So long and itchy. Their hair glides around your neck, getting tighter and tighter until you break free. You cry and scream and curse, yet no one hears you. But you still see that light at the end of the tunnel. And you keep walking, even though you know you will not get there anytime soon.

        Now, let me explain a few things. First of all, I am not promoting self harm, suicide, or anything else like that. Those things are horrible and will never be okay. I'll talk about those things in future chapters.

        The tunnel is the depression. You know you won't be depressed forever, and you can see the 'light' at the end of the tunnel. The light is the happiness you'll finally feel when you don't have depression. But you fight you're way through the tunnel all day and all night but you never seem to get any closer to the tunnel. It seems like you're not going anywhere, not making any progress. The monsters in the tunnel are the 'monsters' in your head. Repeating horrible things about you that aren't true. The monsters' claws are, of course, razor blades. This represents self harm, which unfortunately some people do to take away the mental pain. The monsters' hair represents rope or a noose or suicide. Which is also incredibly sad that some people commit suicide because of this. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you "cry and scream and curse" no one notices. It's like everyone is oblivious to your depression, to the way you feel every single day. People just think you're lazy and unmotivated. This is not necessarily true. You're most likely just too sad to even get up and you're unmotivated because you've lost interest in the things you once loved doing.

        I know that this seems like a never ending battle. I know it seems like you'll never get better. Trust me, I've felt all of this before. But I promise you it does get better. It's going to be a while, you just have to keep fighting. I promise this battle will end. By reading this you are promising not to hurt yourself in anyway today. It could take months or even years to get better, but it'll be worth it. You will be glad you kept fighting. Storms don't last forever, right?