Depression

Self harm

***TRIGGER WARNING*** Some of the topics in this chapter may be triggering for some readers. If you are easily triggered please do not read it or just skip down to the ways you can prevent self harm!

What is Self Harm?

        Self harm is when someone purposely hurts them self the make them 'feel better.' When someone self harms they are trying to make the mental pain go away. They want to feel something other than sadness. So they hurt themselves to they can feel physical pain. But does this really help? Is it worth it? No and no. It's not helping and it is definitely not worth it. Hurting yourself is not okay and it will never be okay. I don't care what your excuse is, it is not okay. I know that sounds really harsh but it's true. Those scars you give yourself will be there forever. It'll be a constant reminder of what you did. A constant reminder of how you tried to cope with your pain when you could've done other things. What if your future kids see them? What will you say? Please, do not hurt yourself. It is not worth it.

        When someone says self harm, you probably think of cutting. But there are other ways someone may hurt them self. Some people burn themselves, or hit themselves, or pull out their hair. Believe it or not, these are all forms of self harm. Once you start it's hard to stop. It's an ugly addiction that's hard to break. So please do not start. No matter how badly you want to please don't. I'm telling you it's not worth it. Even if your scars fade, you'll still remember what you did. And you'll regret it. If you are struggling with self harm please see someone. Tell someone you trust so they can help you quit.

         Here's  my story. I struggle with self harm. I have struggled with it for about 2 years now. I would cut and hit myself pretty hard. 2 years ago I scratched myself with the end of a pen cap. For some reason it made me feel better and I didn't know why. I kept scratching and scratching until I felt even better. When I was done, I realized what I had done and that I couldn't wear short sleeves the next day. So I wore a hoodie in 70 degree weather. No one really asked if I was okay. Some people just asked if I was crazy for wearing a hoodie in this weather. And of course, I said yes I'm crazy. This past year it was gotten so much worse. I didn't use pen caps anymore. I used a blade on my fingers and felt better. But then I lost that blade and told myself I wouldn't try to find it or find a new one. So I was clean for a couple months. And that's pretty good. But then things got worse again and I couldn't take it anymore. So I got a scissors and did it again. And I've been doing that ever since. There are times where I've been clean for a few weeks or even a few months. But then I relapse and do it again. It's pretty shitty having to wear pants in the summer. Some of my scars have began to fade but I can still see them. Even if they completely disappear in a few years I'll still know that they were there before. I regret it so much. I regret that first scratch. It trapped me into this addiction that I can't seem to escape. But believe me, I am trying my hardest. And that's what you need to do.

How to Prevent Self Harm

        There are many ways you can prevent self harm. You can stop yourself from doing it or maybe even help a loved one. Here are some things you can do to break free of the addiction.

1) Draw where you want to hurt yourself. I know it seems silly but it really does help. Get a washable marker and draw something pretty where you want to harm yourself. I've done this before and it really does help. Just keep on drawing until you no longer feel the urge to hurt yourself.

2) Find an alternative. What I would do to try to break my cutting addiction is I would get some rubber bands and put them on my wrists. Whenever I would want to hurt myself I would stretch them back then let the rubber bands hit my skin. This will hurt and there will be red marks when you're done, but they'll be gone by the next day.

3) Keep yourself occupied. This can be anything as long as you're not hurting yourself. You can read, listening to music, write, or even put Elmer's glue on your hands and then peel it off when it dries. Just keep yourself busy until you stop thinking about hurting yourself or until you lose the urge to do it.

4) Like I said in the one above, write. Write down everything you feel, everything you've been bottling up inside. This helps especially if you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it. It'll help you get out everything you've been holding in. When you finished writing everything you need to, throw it out. Maybe even burn it if that helps. You'll feel so relieved and it'll feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. 

5) Be with someone. This someone can be a family member, a friend, anyone. Just don't be alone. If you're alone then you'll most likely feel the urge to harm yourself. But if you're spending time with someone then hopefully you won't feel like harming yourself. They'll keep you distracted.

6) Put or throw away whatever you use to hurt yourself. Throw away that blade or that lighter or match. Put away the scissors or pen caps. If you use your hands then obviously you can't throw those away. So keep yourself busy by doing some of the things I mentioned in above.

7) Set a goal for yourself. I know you want to quit this addiction and I know it's difficult. So try setting goals for yourself to stay clean. When I say "clean" I mean the days when you don't self harm. Start off small and keep on increasing it as you go along. Start off with one day clean. Then maybe fives days. Then a week and then a month. Just keep on going until you quit. Even if you relapse in between, don't worry. Just start over.

        Quitting will be hard and it will take time. But I promise you it will be worth the hard work. You will feel so much better when you finally break free of this addiction.