Through Your Lens

chapter 8: confrontation

walking along the road that lead to his dorm, his mind was full of all sorts. why he liked the kiss with san, why he made him nervous, what this means. am i gay? no, i can't be. he thought to himself. while the thoughts took over his mind, his eyes brimmed with tears. he brought his blouse paw up to his eyes, softly rubbing them, in hope that the tears would somehow disappear. however he was wrong, instead they poured out, completely smudging his makeup more than it was ruined in the morning, seen as though he slept in it. he saw a bench further on and sat on it, staring at his feet as the hiccups from crying became more prominent.

wooyoung didn't want to be gay. he didn't like that he liked the kiss with san. he didn't like that he wanted to kiss him more, hold him more, wanted san to hold him more. when wooyoung was in highschool, he and yeosang would get rumours spread around that they were boyfriends, and every morning either him or yeosang would have eggs thrown in their lockers and bags. it was quite traumatic for the both of them. yeosang did end up telling wooyoung he was into boys, but wooyoung had yet to overcome his trauma. therefore, the thought of san and everything about him, triggered a nerve in him that brought back all the horrible memories.

when wooyoung saw that his white blouse sleeve was now covered in brown eyeshadow from his makeup, he decided to get up and continue his way back to his dorm. only to be pulled by the wrist by a strong grip, turning him around and pulling him into a hug. he was in shock first, but when he caught the natural minty scent of the person, his heart skipped a beat. san.

wooyoungs body naturally pushed san away, holding his hands up to his face when he realised how harsh he pushed san. "f-fuck, sorry, i'm sorry."

in response, san just smiled softly at him, reassuring wooyoung that he's okay. "can i hug you?" asked san, really wanting wooyoung in his embrace. the younger shook his head, the tears threatening to fall in response of sans request. oh how badly wooyoung wanted him to hug him, comfort him, in every way possible. instead, he backed away, ready to run off.

"young-ah, wait. please! just let me say one thing, okay?" sans hand grabbed onto wooyoungs, his other caressing his cheek. when he realised he wasn't going to say anything, san spoke up.

"i don't know what's going through your head right now, but just know that you have me to talk to. i will always be here for you, whether you want me to or not. now, i could be selfish and tell you how strongly i feel for you and want you, but im not going to do that. because i respect you and your feelings. and i don't want to force you to say anything or do anything for me or with me, i want you to just... think. whatever you're feeling, ive been through it, i have. i know first hand everything thats going through your mind is eating you alive, making you question everything you've ever done, felt, said. and that's normal, okay? i don't want you to feel... overwhelmed."

finally, their eyes locked after what felt like centuries. wooyoungs eyes sparkled with fear and anxiety, sans with love and affection. however, it was too much. it was too much for wooyoung, that he pulled his hand away from sans and took his hand off his face.

"i... i'm not feeling anything. i don't know what you're talking about." breaking the silence, wooyoung turned his body the opposite way, not wanting to look at san any longer. the guilt in him was growing each time he read the emotions in sans face that he could not face him.

sans voice broke as he spoke. "wooyoung... young-ah please. talk to me."

"i don't want to! just- just leave me alone, please. actually, forget it. i'll leave." there was slight pauses between wooyoungs words, the guilt now overflowing as he heard sans sniffles as he begged him not to leave, to talk to him instead.

san watched as wooyoungs body ran further and further away from him, the tears now giving him a headache. he decided to go back to his dorm. if he wants to be like that then so be it. i just hope he's okay. and that he comes back. such thoughts clouded his mind as he sheepishly walked back to his own dorm.

at wooyoung & yeosangs dorm

wooyoung hurriedly opened the door to his dorm, practically pushing himself in. as if it was fate, yeosang was sat on the couch, looking like he was waiting for him.

"where have you been? you didn't come home last night, and you had classes today, aren't you going?" yeosang asked a series of questions to wooyoung who had just thrown himself on the couch next to him, shoving his head into his lap, silently asking for comfort.

"have you been crying? wooyoung. look at me."

"we kissed," he finally confessed.

"so why are you crying, hm?"

"because i liked it"

yeosangs face turned into one of shock. he made wooyoung sit up and look at him. when his eyes met wooyoungs, he could see confusion and confusion only. that was when he knew. he knew he had to be there for his best friend. yeosang gently wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a warm embrace. he caressed and rubbed his back, not asking any questions.

yeosang was openly gay, everyone knew it. he'd been with guys before. wooyoung on the other hand, he's never had a relationship. he'd always thought he was straight. however over the last 4 weeks of knowing san, his thoughts had been disturbed and he'd finally broke. he liked san. more than a friend. all the little touches, compliments, flirty comments, hugs. the night they spent together a little after they met on the day san painted him. each and every time him and san spent time together, everything he knew about himself would change, bit by bit. wooyoung cried softly in his best friends arms, discovering all this new information about himself.

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a few hours later, yeosang and wooyoung were sat on yeosangs bed in his bedroom. they had a huge tub of chocolate ice cream and two spoons, each taking a spoon after a spoon while they talked. after a lot of crying, he decided it was best to stop being upset and decide what he wanted to do moving forward.

"so you're telling me this whole time you and san had been flirting, you would catch feelings for him more and more. and you only realised it last night when you kissed" yeosang laid it all out, trying to comprehend it all.

wooyoung responded with a nod, taking another spoon of ice cream and eating it. "and this morning when i left to come back home, he followed me out. he said he would not be selfish and all he wants is for me to be okay. that i can always talk to him if im feeling unsure about my feelings"

"okay that's a green flag. he's not rushing you into anything" yeosang held one of wooyoungs hands after putting his spoon down. he took the other spoon out his hand and the tub, placing it a little away. both of yeosangs hands held wooyoungs. "woo, you're my best friend. and i love you, you know that right?"

"yeah, of course"

"be with san. he makes you happy. everytime you come home after hanging out with him or spending your day with him you have this energy radiating from you, this massive smile on your face, you're glowing. i completely understand why you're confused. you've never been with or liked a boy before, but it'll all feel normal eventually. there is nothing wrong with liking boys, youngie. it's overwhelming figuring it out the first time, i know because ive been through it. but you shouldn't let this overwhelming feeling stop you from doing what you want. and only you know what you want. you know what's best for you. i'm just advising you, because i know you, and i know your personality. however if you don't want to be with san, i will be right here for you. and i will always support and respect your decision. but i'll tell you this. i think it's stupid if you miss out on san, because he is a nice man. he's respectful, kind. and god he paints, that's self explanatory. anyway, do what's best for you. okay?"

throughout yeosangs heartfelt speech, wooyoungs tears arose the surface. he'd started crying as soon as yeosang started speaking. wooyoung knew he was right. he does want to be with san, he does make him happy, and he does like him. and so he decided.

"i do wanna be with san, i do"

wooyoung picked up his phone, looking for sans contact. he pressed the call button, and waited for him to pick up.

"wooyoung?" sans gentle voice called his name from his side of the phone.

"meet me at the flower garden in an hour. i have to tell you something"