Drawn to You

Chapter 2

Fang wasn't really sure he should be there, walking down the sidewalk towards the cafe, side by side with Tan. He had initially offered his hand when Tan had outstretched his own in his direction. Startled by the gesture, he'd reacted on his initial instinct, placing his hand into Tan's, but had quickly withdrawn it once they exited his shop. He had liked and disliked the feeling in equal measure. He didn't always want to admit it but he felt an odd connection with Tan. Liked how his presence in his life had become calming and oddly comforting.

He had realized, albeit slower than maybe he should've, that Tan wasn't just coming to draw his flowers but to visit him. Once he discovered the true nature of Tan's visits, he had initially withdrawn, but quickly changed his mind once he began missing their small interactions. Small and short, yes, but leaving an indelible imprint on Fang's heart. He appreciated Tan's cautious and unhurried intrusion into his life. Somehow, Tan had become a normal part of each day, finding himself disappointed on days he didn't come. It wasn't easy for him to accept Tan into his orbit but once he had he was growing to feel he never wanted Tan to leave.

But another part of him disliked the feelings Tan was creating within him. He wasn't sure he was ready for what was reflected back in Tan's eyes. Wasn't sure he was ready to respond to or fulfill what Tan clearly was after. While sometimes he thought maybe, just maybe, he had met someone who could begin to heal the deep rift in his heart, other times he thought no one could do that, not even Tan. But he had chosen to follow Tan's slow lead, forcing himself to be open to Tan's presence and mildly hidden affection for him.

They walked in silence, entering the cafe, Tan holding the door opening and ushering him in gently with a soft, slight push on the middle of his back. Momentarily overwhelmed by the sounds of conversations around him and the warm fingers on his back that he felt through his shirt, he froze slightly wondering why he'd agreed to come until Tan gently touched his shoulder.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry .... guess I zoned out for a minute."

"Are you still okay to stay? We can get our coffee to go and take it back to your shop if that's better for you."

He felt a quiver in his heart at Tan's attempt to put him at ease. It had been a long time since anyone had taken care of him. It felt mildly uncomfortable while also forcing a small smile to his face.

"No, no. I'm fine to stay. We can stay .... It's okay. I promise." He knew his words were coming out quickly and made him sound nervous, which he was. He was just trying so hard to act normal and come across as more confident than he felt. Tan cocked his head to one side clearly trying to determine if Fang meant what he said or if maybe they actually did need to leave. But after a moment, he nodded, grabbed Fang's hand again and pulled him towards the counter.

Suddenly, looking down at his hand perfectly enveloped in the other, the world didn't seem as lonely. The world seemed to be saying it might be time to try. That this was someone safe to try with. Try and let someone new in, someone besides his brother, Phum, who was the only person in his life that he actually let some of his walls down around. But still, he often reverted to protecting Phum from how sad he actually was, how broken, not wanting Phum, who had also suffered, to bear his burden too.

In the periphery of his mind, outside his spiraling thoughts, he heard Tan talking to the barista as he was trying and probably failing at hiding how scared he was, how out of his comfort zone he felt. Following a soft tap on his shoulder, he looked towards Tan, face still reflecting a slight wariness but also a questioning look.

"What do you want? Iced coffee, like me? Or a latte like I usually see you drinking?"

"Ummm .... " His tongue refused to work as he took in all the emotions on Tan's face. A face that always showed exactly what its owner was thinking. He couldn't imagine Tan being a good liar, he simply had no poker face, just emotions lighting him up from ear to ear at all times.

"Fang? Hello? Did you want something else? You don't need to have what I suggested. You can have anything. Or maybe you want tea? Or just a pastry?"

Realizing he was the cause of Tan's increasing discomfort, he shook himself out of his stupor to respond.

"Oh, sorry, I'll have a latte."

The barista nodded and Fang was rewarded with a bright smile from Tan, relief evident in the relaxing of his shoulders.

Tan led them to a table in the back, near one of the tall windows, "I can't help it, I love people watching. People are so interesting, don't you think?"

Fang didn't really think so at all. He found most people, at least the ones he'd met, to be self-absorbed and unkind. Though over time, he'd come to lump Tan into the small pile of people he'd collected that he actually liked. But, he wasn't sure he could tell Tan he didn't really like people, preferred keeping to himself, without sounding like an asshole.

"I guess. I've just never really thought of it. I prefer my flowers to people." There. Was that honest enough and at the same time not?

"Yeah, I can see that about you. But what about all your customers?"

"Well, I mean, I guess I just do what needs to be done and don't think about them much beyond what flowers they need to buy or order."

"People. That's one of the things I love about my job. I get to hear their stories behind why they chose their tattoo and I have someone stuck in my chair, completely at my mercy, forced to listen to me talk." Tan laughed, "It's my every dream."

Fang began to wonder if maybe they were too different. What would Tan think once he got to know the real him? If he opened up, would Tan just end up leaving? Would it scare him away? Could they even be together if their social needs were this incompatible? How would that even work?

As Tan opened his mouth, ready with another question, the waiter arrived with their drinks. Tan took a long drink, sucking deeply on his straw, Fang's eyes frozen on his lips, only looking away when Tan lifted his eyes.

"I could drink coffee all day long, but my mom always said it would make me more hyper than I already am and to drink water instead. Joke's on her, I still drink way too much coffee. She would totally disapprove if she knew."

Heart softening slightly listening to Tan talk about his mom, he stared into the foam sitting atop his latte. Had anyone other than Phum ever paid attention to the things he liked and disliked? Yet here sat Tan, someone he was only just getting to know, who knew his coffee order.

"So, thank you for remembering the coffee I like to drink. It's .... well .... I mean .... I think ... " Ugh, if he could just stop rambling. "It's really sweet of you." Had he really said that out loud? He could feel his face slowly turning red, realizing he had just flirted with Tan. Right? Did that count as flirting? He wasn't even sure.

A huge smile overtook Tan's face. "Of course! I mean .... I always pay attention to you."

And just like that, Fang felt as though Tan held a needle, a long thread trailing behind it, and the first stitch had just been sewn into his broken heart.