what happened in a small town

part nine

You just come back and all the chaos happens.
She woke up very early after a night of only fitful sleep; yesterday was such a bad day that she cut it halfway through and hid in her room until sunrise the next day.

Everything was so chaotic that she didn’t even get enough time to rehabilitate herself. She was in hell for a long time, and no one gave her the chance to repair herself and gather herself together.

She couldn’t believe how this small town could be so miserable, everyone going around in circles without breaking it, as if they were victims of a curse cast in a bygone era that no one cared to break anymore.

She never liked what happened with Joan yesterday, she didn’t like the position of the Cheater or being equal to her because of a dark desire that floated to the surface of her tongue to be equal to her.

Well, everyone has their sins and mistakes.

She never held her accountable, and sometimes she stopped advising her, not because she didn’t care about her, but so as not to hurt her with her talk, so as not to be superior to her, as long as she helped her without talking, for her sake she endured fights with her family and went places with her that she never imagined she would go to, she helped her get rid of two children when they were the youngest to deal with it when she herself was a child, and she never got over her act as she did.

She thought that the previous years were enough for her to mature, and to stop humiliating herself over and over again, but it seems that nothing changed in this city, everything keeps happening in an unbreakable cycle, she took advantage of her again to cover herself in front of her husband, dragging her where the thing is again and without even asking her if she wanted to get involved in it, as if she was just a new excuse that appeared in front of her.

But that’s not what kept her awake, it’s what happened yesterday between her and Harry, she went to him because she wanted to go because he’s all she thinks about because despite everything she tells herself she wants him back, she wants to tell him everything that happened to her and that she’s sorry she didn’t give him another chance yet.

The kisses he gave her, the voice that made her lose control, the glow and electricity when he touched her, the care and love he surrounded her with, everything made her heart beat for him.

She stood under the cold shower, washing her thoughts and feelings to cool them, looking at herself in the mirror and not recognizing herself; in the mirror, she was blurred as if she were a poor copy of herself.

She thought she was a bad person, someone who wanted someone who was already with someone, a whore who didn’t care if her client was married or not, and she wasn’t, she didn’t want to be that way with Harry.

She decided to go and apologize for the job; she is not looking for a job; she does not even know what she will do, and even if she wants to stay here for a while, she does not want a job coming from him, she has to cut herself off from him.

She sighed and headed out of the bathroom to her closet. She tended towards simplicity and kindness. Bold and flashy clothes were not her style. Light pink cloth pants and a white silk sweater with two knots tied at the neck. Her indispensable sneakers. She put her hair up in a ponytail.

She got out with her bag, and at the door, she stopped and changed her mind about going. She wouldn’t go and whoever spoke to him would understand that she had lost interest in the job.

She was nervous and didn’t know what to do; she kept walking all over the house even after her aunt told her that she would be going to the Ladies’ club meeting in a little while, which was chaired, of course, by Harry’s mother.

At twelve her phone vibrated with a message, she spread her hand over her pounding heart then looked at the phone, it was Harry and it made her want to jump, but she dealt with her feelings and read it “Please go, you need this job and I promise I won’t do anything again until I ask you.”
She wants to jump now like a child who is pampered by her father so that she does not get angry, she always feels with him the attention that no one can compete with her in or strip her of.

She grabbed her bag and decided to go again, looked at herself in the mirror, adjusted her clothes, and ran to her aunt, who was making cookies for the local housewives’ association meeting sponsored by Helen “Something has come up, and I have to go; I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.

She said it and turned to leave, but her aunt Catherine’s response stopped her. “I hope it’s nothing about helping Joan with a new problem.”
She stretched her hands out and slowly moved them over the air. “Trust me, it’s perfectly safe… Bye.”

She shouted waving as she ran outside, she called a car and waited until it came, she got into the driver’s seat, trying to calm the sound of her heart that was beating drums without any control from her, she didn’t realize how much he meant to her until she returned to the town again, until she saw him with another, until he pulled her and kissed her, declaring that he still wanted her and loved her despite all the chaos that inhabited his and her minds.
**

The city hadn't changed much, but she missed the places where she had shared memories with Harry, her childhood, her adolescence, and the love that had grown in this city.

Streets, shops, cafes, cinemas, museums, every place has a memory stuck between its walls that announces itself to its owners when they return and keeps it for those who do not.

She could smell Harry’s scent on her neck all night, as if it was imprinted on her skin and refused to leave her, the feelings and the kisses and the taste of his lips took turns torturing her, she kept thinking as she touched the necklace hanging around her neck, the the necklace he had given her and never taken off, the necklace with which he had declared his love for her when she was fifteen on the beach on a night she would never forget.