Lunar Dusk

Chapter Four: Bree.

   The papered walls of my cabin were covered in roses and peeling up at the top near the trim. One of the first things I noticed since staying here were the dust particles floating in the air, the draft picked them up and swirled them around, like a dance in the breeze. They'd swirl around delicately in the air before landing in the soft creases of the old wallpaper, giving it a dull, dingy look. The cabin was spectacularly clean, given the short notice, but old things remained in the space, causing dust to fly around occasionally.
   I was still getting used to my heightened senses. It felt like I saw and heard and smelled everything all at once. The sound of the breeze outside, grass blades rubbing against one another, leaves brushing against the side of the small house. The sounds and smells of the forest were overwhelming. Everything smelled so mushy. I couldn't think of another way to describe it. Moss has a soft, sweet smell, while the trees had a strong grassy aroma. The earthy scent mixed with the tang of grass, moisture and wild herbs constantly filled my nostrils and made it hard to breathe. I supposed I didn't have to, but it came so naturally to me after having to breathe as a human.
   I laid back against the headboard, thinking about what I wanted to do today. Probably nothing. I wasn't permitted to explore the forest on my own, or leave the cabin at all. I had a computer in the living room so I could email Esme and Alice if I wanted or needed anything, though one of them usually came by every two or so days to drop off things they'd find for me. New clothes, CDs, books, things a teenager is supposed to like. I looked around my bedroom, realizing that I'd never had a home before. I had this revelation at least twice a day. It's not the home I expected to have when I was little, but it's a very nicely decorated, homely shelter for me to spend my days in. Sometimes, it felt like a prison, other times I was happy to be in here and near nobody else.
   I just pulled my Tamagotchi out of the drawer from the bedside table and began to play with it. The little pixel pet gave me a half smile as it bounced on the screen, waiting for me to feed it. I thought about emailing Alice to ask for more gadgets and clothes, but I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. They'd done enough for me, these strangers. Alice said once I got back that one day we would be like family, and her visions were almost never wrong. But I found that fact hard to believe. I didn't know these vampires, and the fact that they would do something like this out of the kindness of their hearts was unbelievable. Vampires are selfish. They're monsters. They only take care of themselves and have hurt and tortured innocents for their own amusement. The Cullens were something out of a dream, it seemed. They didn't do any of those things. Not what I'm used to at all.
   The burning sensation at the back of my throat was there, feeling like soreness from a nasty cough, but more intense. It would always be there, Carlisle told me once, the animal diet wasn't quite enough to quench the unbearable thirst. Carnivorous animals helped, I recalled. I myself had grown a slight taste for stoats and weasels in Alaska. But the burning never went away fully. It will always be there, and was something I had to live with. I couldn't leave Forks to hunt humans, or the Volturi would kill me. I couldn't hunt humans in Forks either, or the shape-shifters will kill me. I sighed. What I wouldn't give to at least have the appetite for a fat, greasy cheeseburger with all the fixings. At least it seemed I had a never-ending supply of 90's memorabilia and a bed to not-sleep in.

~

   It was four o'clock in the afternoon when I heard footsteps from the near-mile away mansion walking toward my cottage. I got up when they broke into a run and was barely at the door when a knock sounded from the other side.
   "Bree? We brought some more things for you."  Alice again. I opened the door and she stepped in with a box in her arms, followed by the blonde male, Jasper, also carrying two boxes. I wanted to offer to help Alice with the supplies, but I knew better. The weight of the box meant nothing to her, it just nearly covered her entire tiny torso in a way that was almost comical. Jasper set his boxes down and excused himself, zipping back to the house and returning moments later with a flat-screen. My eyes widened.
   "What in the- this is totally unnecessary!" I couldn't hide the excitement in my voice. I had one of these in the children's home I stayed in for a time, but the older kids always hogged the channels. But this? A real TV just for me? Did they bring channel-surfing or a DVD collection? Would I be able to finally pass the time every day as long as I wasn't allowed to go outside? Alice spoke up, clearly delighted by my excitement.
   "As a modern day teen, I figured you would want to catch up on all the latest TV drama. This thing gets all the channels!" She boasted as Jasper brought in a brand new DVR and satellite system. I resisted the urge to jump up and down as I watched him start fiddling with the wires.
   "You didn't have to do this... it must have cost so much." I could barely get the words out. True, I was excited, but the old yet familiar feelings of unworthiness and shame stirred in my gut. I don't deserve this. I'm a monster. I was part of an army, to kill these kind people. "Why are you all working so hard to make me feel welcome?"
   "Mostly because the Volturi will kill us and you if this ends badly," Jasper piped up from where he was standing in the corner of the room in a near-monotone voice. He was covered in wires at this point and looking very frustrated. Alice zipped across the room in a flash just to elbow him in the ribs. Jasper threw up his hands in exasperation. "What? I said mostly."
   "I know that," I replied, rolling my eyes. "I mean, why did you stick up for me in the first place?" Why have you kept me alive this long? Alice walked over to me and pulled me down to the couch to sit next to her.
   "Because you're just a kid, Bree. And you had your entire future taken away from you. Since you've been born, you've had choices taken from you. You were even reborn to fight in a war that wasn't yours. We all thought, mostly as a collective, that you deserved to live a peaceful existence as an immortal. There are drawbacks, to be sure. Your thirst is one of them, and your age, and we have a few rules, but we have room in our family for one more, and we think you're worth the trouble. We're welcoming to you because we don't think a girl as young as you should have suffered so much."
   My eyes drifted over to Jasper finally organizing the devices on a shelf underneath the TV after getting the cords figured out, his back to us. He nodded along occasionally with Alice's words acting as though he agreed, but kept himself busy in a polite way, probably as to not seem nosy.
   "How did you both find the Cullens?" Jasper's hands paused briefly at my question while putting batteries in the remote but continued.
   "That, my dear, is a story for another time, but I assure you, it was not so happy for either of us either. We're lucky to be a part of this unit, the three of us. We're its newest members. Well, unless you count Bella." She shut her mouth quickly after she said her name, clearly trying to not make it obvious that she wasn't supposed to talk about her.
   "Bell- the human? Edward's girl?" Mate, the vampires called their partners. I forgot to use the term. "Why doesn't he just turn her?" It'd sure make things a lot easier for me.
   "We're... working on that. Edward wants to give her a choice. Bella wants to become one of us, don't get it twisted. She loves him with every intake of breath and wants to have forever with him, but Edward sometimes struggles with his moral composition and is against turning her at the moment."
   "But I can't be anywhere near the rest of you... in your home... until that happens." I heaved a sigh.
   "Or until you've mastered your thirst for human blood. Whichever comes first!" Alice hopped up from the couch, dancing across the room to take the remote from Jasper's outstretched hand. "Looks like your channel-surfing begins now! I hope you can catch the latest Jersey Shore before it's too late. I heard it's juicy!" She sang that last sentence, clearly not wanting the rules of my arrangement to upset me and set me on the hunt. I figured that's why she shut the conversation down. She tossed me the remote, leaned down and opened her box.
   "I also brought you one more thing." She pulled out a sage green leather-bound book with a matching ribbon marker hanging from the front page. I leaned over to take it gently from her pale hand, and flipped through the pages. Lined paper, with nothing written inside.
   "I thought you could write your thoughts down in here, or doodle some pictures, whatever comes to mind in your time of need. Journaling helped me so much while I was staying in that wretched hospital as a human, so much so that I still do it occasionally. I've filled so many of these that I keep a storage locker in Portland for them. It's just a way to get the horrid thoughts out of my head as I'm feeling them. Nobody will ever read them. It's private, only between you and the page." She dug out every writing utensil anyone could want in the world and put them on the coffee table: pencils, erasers, markers, colored pencils, watercolors, and finished it off with an enormous pack of rainbow glitter gel pens. The expensive kind the popular girls at school use to write their names with little hearts above the i's. I could write with each color and use up every page in the book before getting to them all. She put the pens on my lap and I placed the journal on top.
   "Thank you," I said in a sort of choked tone. If it could have, a tear would have slipped down my cheek at the kind gesture. To have a place to vent my frustration out without anyone seeing was invaluable. I couldn't wait to start an entry.
   Alice seemed quite pleased with herself as she and Jasper walked toward the door of the tiny house, gazing around the room as if to see if everything was exactly where it was supposed to be.
   "We'll be around, should you need anything else," she murmured as they walked out the door. As soon as they were gone, I turned the TV on to some nonsense show for background noise, flipped to the first page of the journal and popped open the pack of gel pens. I selected my favorite color; dark purple, and began:
Dear journal,
   it's Bree again. It's been a while since I've been able to write you...