To Regret a Raven

Chapter 6 - Evermore (Drie)

Drie eyed Tanner warily; weighing his words. She was furious and she knew it was a cop-out. She knew that the anger was fueled by a bone-deep hurt, but it was easier to be angry. She welcomed it. Pushing down the sorrows for tomorrow and letting her blood burn.

"Do you know why I never took you to see my family, even after you took me home to yours three times?"

Tanner straightened, surprised by the change in topic. He shrugged, "It crossed my mind, but I know they live a lot further away than my family does. And there weren't that many opportunities."

She'd made five trips home while they'd dated, not counting the day they'd broken up, but she didn't point that out. "I didn't take you home with me because my sisters love so hard, I knew I had to be careful. I never went into much detail about how we all came together. Mainly just because the stories are awful," she crossed her arms as she eyed him. She hated dwelling on the past and the nightmares it contained, preferring to live in the present; which was the reason Tanner only knew the general details, such as the fact that she had four sisters, or that she'd been raised by her grandmother. "We all share a birth mother who considers drugs the main priority in her life," she spoke quickly, ripping off the metaphorical bandaid. "And as far as our fathers, Jeden's died in the wreck that handicapped her, Sam's is in prison, Nellie's is absent, Rosy's was a cruel, evil man, and mine - he just up and left. Woke up one day and decided he wanted more..." than me, she trailed off, letting the words go unspoken.

Her eyes found his once more, crystals colliding with steel. "But the disappointing circumstances with our parents only served to bring us closer. Grandma Ruby, and Jeden, worked every day to give us a good life, a safe home. And since the one thing we all desired most was the one thing we were denied by the only people who were supposed to give it unconditionally, we chose not to be like those who turned their backs on us. We chose to love freely, without reservations; to share that love wherever there's a space for it. So I knew that if I took you home with me, my sisters would get attached; and I knew it would break their hearts if we didn't work out. And now, I'm worried about the example I have to offer. I don't want to set a precedent that we settle for less; we may offer our love freely, but we will never beg to be loved in return."

Tanner's eyes never left hers, his own blazing with the revelations she offered. "You never have before and you'll never have to, Drie. If anybody begs between the two of us, it would be me."

Drie shook her head, frowning, "I don't want that. But I don't trust this turnaround at all. It's been more than a month. A month since we broke up. And you're saying you just had this realization this morning? You're a smart man Tanner, you can see how this looks," she waved a hand up and down. "It's awful convenient. You already asked me once to fake it. I think it's as simple as the fact that you miss me and you want your friend back. And I think you want it badly enough to try and convince me you feel things that you don't feel. Hell, you may have even deluded yourself. But if I were to give in," she paused, "I'm staring down the barrel of yet another broken heart. And I'll be honest, I don't know if I have it in me, Tanner. Especially not when I have my sisters to consider as well."

"I'm not asking you to jump back into a relationship with me, Drie. Don't let me give you the wrong impression, that is my end goal. But for now, I'd be happy if you just didn't shut me out completely. Let me text you. Maybe share a breakfast. Just spend a little bit of time with me, on a trial basis. Let me build some of that trust back?"

Drie had already told him before that she couldn't be friends when she desired more. Did him saying the feelings were reciprocated make a difference? No, she thought, it still sucks.

Tanner must have read the expression on her face because he spoke up suddenly, anxiously, "don't answer me now. I'm not asking for any effort on your end. Right now, I'm just asking for you to unblock my number, to not write me out of your life completely, that's all. I'll take it from there."