To Regret a Raven

Chapter 4 - Iceberg (Tanner)

Tanner pushed his legs through another lap around the track. He hated running. He especially hated running alone, but given the fact that Drie was no longer speaking to him, he didn't have much else to do.

He wasn't interested in going out if she wasn't there to keep him company, he couldn't sit at home and watch television without feeling like he was cheating, and attempting to sleep was pointless because he knew he'd simply lie awake, replaying the last two encounters he'd had with Drie and the long list of regrets that lay like a stone in his gut.

He knew he shouldn't have entered a relationship with her so quickly after his previous one had imploded, but like a bad cliche - from the moment he'd met her, she'd given him peace. Her very presence was a hit of dopamine, and he'd craved more. It was a beautiful relationship, their time together was the perfect dichotomy of hilarity and serenity; and yet, even though he could happily picture continuing on with her long-term, the lack of passion he'd felt had weighed painfully on his conscience.

Growing up, he'd been surrounded by love, he'd even been in love for years before he'd crossed paths with Drie. He was certainly no stranger to the feeling, but even though he wanted Drie in his life fiercely and cared for her deeply, he knew he was leading her on; and he knew it was wrong. Even if his mistakes meant that he'd lost her completely, his primary regret was that he'd let it go on for too long, desperately waiting to feel that spark, and so scared of telling her the truth that he'd created his own self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, the alternative was to work. And then to run. And when he was finally tired enough to simply fall out on the track's asphalt, he'd sprint the quarter mile back to his apartment and fall into bed for another night of unsettled sleep and random dreams that he never remembered fully - just brief snatches of crystal blue eyes, or a solitary black bird flying high above his head.

He woke abruptly on the third weekend after he'd found Drie at the campus library, after three weeks of complete radio silence, and realized that he needed to do something. Especially considering his current situation had moved far beyond the point of pathetic.

He checked his phone for messages, not expecting to see anything and not surprised to have his suspicions confirmed. On a whim, he threw on a fresh outfit, brushed his teeth, and hit the road, heading north. And when he parked in front of his cousin's house an hour later, he still wasn't sure what he'd set out to achieve.

Connor eventually poked his head out the screen door, a look of confusion on his pretty boy face and a sleeping baby with a head of dark curls draped over his shoulder. His eyes widened in recognition and he disappeared temporarily before reappearing, sans baby, and jogging barefoot to the truck. He slid into the passenger seat, holding out a fist for a bump, his other hand wrapped around his phone that was broadcasting a monitor feed of the nursery and emitting the muffled whoosh of white noise.

"Good to see ya cuz," Connor drawled, quickly scanning Tanner with familiar blue eyes. Whereas both cousins had carried on the famous Bree blue from their fathers, the genetic similarities ended there. Tanner was tall and lean, with dark hair and skin that burned in the sun; where on the flip side, Connor was short and muscled, and despite living a solid ten hours from the coast, he embraced the freckly, tan surfer boy look with gusto - even going as far as to grow out his curly blonde hair and wearing it in a man-bun.

"You too," Tanner answered gruffly, sparing his cousin a short glance before looking back out the window, his fingers tapping out an anxious beat on the steering wheel. The silence felt tangible as it stretched between them.

"So..." Connor began, scratching the early-morning scruff on his cheek, "something happen with Drie?"

Tanner nodded jerkily.