A Gaze to Remember

Chapter 4 - The Late-Night Call

WEDNESDAY 14 AUGUST 2024

Vivienne sat alone in her apartment, her thoughts swirling as she stared out at the vibrant streets of Rome below. Today was the first day since she met Reid that they wouldn't be seeing each other. He had other plans, or at least that's what he'd told her. But doubts gnawed at her, whispering that maybe he had lied, that maybe he just didn't want to see her.

For the past three days, Reid had been her constant companion, and with him, she had felt different—confident, beautiful, even a little bit fearless. His attention had brought out a side of her she hadn't known existed. But now, with him gone, those old insecurities had come rushing back, filling the empty spaces where her newfound confidence had been.

She tried to shake off the nagging doubts, but they clung to her like shadows. What if Reid was tired of her? What if he had realized she wasn't as interesting or fun as he'd first thought? The idea that she was nothing more than a fleeting distraction in his Roman adventure sent a chill through her. She felt ridiculous for having believed, even for a moment, that she could be anything more.

The view from her balcony was beautiful, the streets of Rome buzzing with life and energy. She watched people passing by, couples holding hands, children laughing, groups of friends enjoying the warm sun. They all seemed so happy, so carefree, living the kind of life she had imagined for herself when she first decided to come here. But instead of living it, she was here, in this apartment, feeling miserable and alone.

Rome was supposed to be her fresh start, the place where she would find herself, rediscover her passions, and maybe even fall in love. But today, all she felt was disappointment—disappointment in herself for letting her insecurities take over, and disappointment in this day that was supposed to be filled with adventure but had instead been spent doing nothing at all.

She knew she should get out, explore the city, take in the sights she had always dreamed of seeing. But every time she thought about leaving the apartment, anxiety would grip her, making her feel small and insignificant. What if she ran into Reid? What if she didn't? Either possibility was terrifying in its own way.

So she stayed, curled up on the little balcony, watching as the day slowly faded into evening. She felt stuck, trapped between the desire to find herself and the fear that maybe there was nothing to find. And as the city buzzed with life around her, Vivienne couldn't help but feel more lost than ever.

The night had already settled in, and the world outside was cloaked in darkness. She remained on her balcony, motionless, her thoughts as stagnant as the night air. To anyone passing by, she probably looked pitiful, a lonely figure lost in her own sorrow. Suddenly, her phone buzzed, breaking the silence. The sound startled her, and she hesitated before getting up and walking inside.

When she saw the name on the screen, her heart skipped a beat. Reid was calling her. She stared at the phone, conflicted. Should she answer right away? Or should she let it ring a little longer, pretending she hadn't been just sitting there, doing nothing all day but drowning in her own sadness? She didn't want to seem desperate, didn't want him to know how low she had sunk.

Vivienne hesitated before picking up, trying to make sense of why Reid was calling her so late, and in such a state. She could hear the clatter of glasses, the thumping bass of music, and the indistinct chatter of people having the time of their lives in the background. It was clear that Reid was at some party, caught up in the whirlwind of noise and chaos.

"Heeey, Viv," Reid said, his voice slurred but full of energy. "You should be here. It's wild. You'd love it." He laughed again, a carefree, almost boyish sound that normally would've made her smile, but tonight it felt out of place.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern creeping into her voice. She couldn't help but wonder why he was calling her now. Was it just the alcohol, making him miss her company? Or was there something else? She wished she could read his mind.

"Of course I'm okay! I'm having the best time," he said, his words tumbling out in a rush. "But you should be here too, Viv. What are you doing? Probably something boring, right? Like reading or whatever?" He laughed again, but this time it stung. It was like he was dismissing everything that made her feel safe, everything she enjoyed.

Vivienne's heart sank a little further. This was the Reid she had been afraid of meeting—the one who saw her as nothing more than a quiet, dull girl who didn't know how to have fun. And yet, here he was, asking her to join him, like he didn't want to be there without her.

"I'm just... relaxing," she said, trying to keep her tone light. "It's late, Reid."

"Not too late for a little fun!" he said, his voice coaxing, like he could persuade her to do anything. "Come on, Viv, don't be such a stick in the mud. Just come out. You'll see how much fun we can have."

She hesitated, torn between the desire to be with him and the nagging feeling that this wasn't the Reid she wanted. The Reid she knew was thoughtful and kind, the one who took her to see Rome's sights and shared quiet moments. This Reid, the one on the phone, was a stranger—loud, brash, and a little too careless.

"I think I'll pass," she said finally, her voice steady. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Come on, Viv..." He sounded disappointed, almost pleading now. But she knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't be the girl he wanted tonight, and maybe she didn't want to be.

"Goodnight, Reid," she said softly, and before he could respond, she hung up.

For a moment, she stood there, staring at her phone, her heart racing. She knew she'd made the right decision, but that didn't make it any easier. It felt like a small fracture had appeared in whatever they were building together, a tiny crack that she hoped wouldn't grow.

The phone buzzed in her hand again—Reid, calling her back. She let it ring out this time, then silenced her phone completely. She didn't need this tonight. What she needed was peace, a moment to collect herself and remember why she had come to Rome in the first place.

With a sigh, she headed to the bathroom for a long, hot shower, hoping to wash away the lingering doubts and insecurities that Reid's call had stirred up. She knew she was more than just a girl who read books alone in her room. And if Reid couldn't see that, then maybe he wasn't the person she thought he was.

As she slipped into bed, one of her "boring" books in hand, Vivienne found comfort in the quiet. The city hummed softly outside her window, and for the first time that day, she felt a sense of calm. She wasn't going to let anyone—not even Reid—make her feel less than she was. Not tonight.