A Bet That Changed Us ︱Pablo Gavi

43: Meeting again

Pablo's Pov

The month since everything unraveled has felt like a never-ending spiral. Therapy with Dr. Martinez has become a necessary refuge, a place where I can confront my emotions and attempt to piece together the shattered fragments of my life. Today's session felt particularly daunting, but I knew I needed it.

As I entered the clinic, the usual calm ambiance did little to soothe my frayed nerves. I waited in the lobby, trying to steady my breathing. When Dr. Martinez finally called my name, I rose from the chair with a mixture of apprehension and resolve.

"Good afternoon, Pablo," she greeted warmly, gesturing for me to take a seat. "How have you been since our last session?"

I sank into the couch, feeling the weight of the past month pressing heavily on my shoulders. "It's been tough. I'm struggling with everything—sleep, concentration, motivation. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop of guilt and regret that I can't escape."

Dr. Martinez's expression softened with empathy. "It sounds like you're carrying a lot of emotional weight. What specific thoughts or feelings have been most difficult for you to handle?"

I ran a hand through my hair, searching for the right words. "It's like my mind is replaying all the mistakes I've made. I try to stay focused on football and my daily routines, but every time I let my guard down, the guilt creeps in. It's exhausting."

"That's a very honest reflection," she said gently. "Guilt and regret can be overwhelming, especially when they seem to dominate your thoughts. Have you noticed any particular triggers or situations that make these feelings worse?"

"Certain reminders, like seeing old photos or hearing certain songs, can bring everything back," I admitted. "I also find it hard to relax or enjoy myself because I keep thinking about how I've hurt people and failed."

I hesitated, then started. "I've been having trouble sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind racing with regrets and what-ifs. It's like my brain won't let me forget how I messed up everything with Isabella."

Dr. Martinez nodded thoughtfully. "It's important to recognize these triggers so you can develop strategies to manage them. Have you found any techniques that help you cope or make the feelings more manageable?"

"I've been trying to stay busy and distract myself," I said, my voice tinged with frustration. "But it feels like a temporary fix. When I'm not busy, the thoughts come back stronger. I'm finding it hard to escape the self-criticism."

"That's understandable," Dr. Martinez said. "Distraction can be helpful, but it's also important to face and process your emotions. Avoiding them may provide temporary relief but doesn't address the root of the problem. How do you feel about the therapy sessions so far? Are there aspects that you find particularly challenging or beneficial?"

"It's tough to talk openly about everything," I confessed. "Admitting my mistakes and facing the impact of my actions is uncomfortable. But I know it's necessary. I'm trying to be honest with myself and take responsibility, even though it's difficult."

Dr. Martinez leaned forward, her expression encouraging. "Acknowledging your role in past events and being honest with yourself are crucial steps in the healing process. It's also important to practice self-compassion. Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest parts, but it's essential for moving forward."

"I understand that," I said, feeling the weight of her words. "But accepting the extent of the hurt I've caused is hard. I'm trying to make amends and improve, but I feel like I'm not doing enough."

Dr. Martinez offered a reassuring smile. "Progress is often slow and non-linear, but every effort counts. Setting realistic goals and being patient with yourself is key. You're making strides, even if they don't always feel significant. Focus on your growth and continue to work on self-improvement."