Heart of fire: Hoax

Chapter 3: First death

I had no idea what day, month or time it was. I was in a simulation. An NPC follows the same set of instructions every single day. My tapping was getting worse every single day. I was degrading every single day. The same taunts. Same kids. Same stupid nuns. Same rules. I wanted to be something more, but all I could find in this dumpster of an orphanage was nothing. I was meant for nothing. But I just needed to fight for it. I thought if I fought long enough, I could find what I was looking for. I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore.

I was walking across the hallways. I couldn't sleep if my life depended on it. The nightmares just wouldn't stop to the point I'm afraid to sleep . I can't relive seeing her die in my arms. Or the taunts. And a new addition to the list, my dad. I just can't bear it. Just not possible. I was twelve around this time. All I could ever think of is mum. I want her here. I need her here.

The lights turned an ugly yellow throughout the years. No one changed the light bulbs in years. The windows showed no light. The moon wasn't out. Not even the sound of wind was present. I was just in my nightgown, barefoot. The floor was freezing. I was tip-toeing every step of the way. Every single step brought shivers up my spine and made my hair stand like an electrocuted cat or something. Just the lack of sound reminded me I was utterly and completely alone. It wasn't my first time though. It became more of a ritual at this point.

Like it's not my fault I have these dreams. Why would I want them if they scare the living heck out of me? I WANT to sleep. I'm so damn tired but I just can't. I feel like I'm floating on clouds when I walk, ready to fall onto the ground with a plummeting end. I just don't know when.

It was totally by accident. I never should have done it. If I didn't mean it , it doesn't mean I'm guilty, right?

There was the sound of footsteps. I thought it'd be the nuns but I had a gut feeling it might be someone else. There were some wooden planks on the floor as they were renovating the roof. I took one of them, with a few nails at the end. Stay alert. Don't get scared. Just hit. The footsteps grew louder. Maybe heels. I slowed my pace. Getting myself together. The sound was coming from the other side of the hall. I stood right there, flat, on the wall, with the plank in my hands. The shadow continued to grow onto the yellowing floor.

I bashed the plank at the person's head. One of the nuns laid there peacefully. She was the one who taught us English. The plank just stayed in her head. Her black silky hair surrounded her like a weird halo. Blood was dripping from her eyes from where the nail hit. Blood spilled from her mouth and ears. You could see the nails deep in her skull. Her blood entered my mouth. It was all over my face. The aroma of it made me want to vomit. Why didn't she shout? SHIT. SHIT SHIT.

I ran away. I didn't know what to do. If I should dispose of her body. If I should lie to someone that I found it. If I should confess in the first place. My stupid ass just let her stay there, on the cold yellow floor. I was running. I didn't know where but I was.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHY DID YOU DO IT? YOU FREAKING PSYCHOPATH! I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF. IS THIS OK? WILL I BE OK? SHIT SHIT SHIT.

I went outside and used one of the wells, which they recently installed, and dumped a bucket all over my body. It was freezing, and the wind was not helping. I just kept on dumping more and more ice water. No, one is going to notice me right? The blood has to go. Yeah. That will work. It's just blood right? Nothing more than that. They won't notice. They won't.

As I dumped more and more water, I started to chuckle. I thought, maybe, just by a slightest chance, I am in another bad dream. And I'm over reacting for no reason. The chuckle grew to a laughter. Why should I care? This is a dream. Right? Ha! I'm such an idiot for running away. Head to toe I was damp. I started to shiver violently, with my teeth clashing against each other. I swear I looked homeless . Or some ghost. A homeless ghost? I don't care.