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Oh, I've got a demon in me But I'm the only one that feeds it I've got a monster in me And I'm the only one that leads it -Imagine Dragons
The ring is my sanctuary. An illusion of safety I tricked myself into taking refuge in. It's a cold, metallic cage, shielding me from a storm I can't weather and a prison I can't escape.
The rapid pounding of the bidders and watchers blurs into radio silence, the blood coating my shredded knuckles drips onto the worn battleground, the adrenaline hums in my veins, distinct but simmering nonetheless; all these sounds I know are there, but I can't hear. As if the world around me has been muted.
The voices echoing in my head reign supreme, their twisted whispers mask any semblance of composure I can grasp. They overpower me.
Control slips through my fingers and all I see is red. My demons come out to play.
The nightmares I fail to keep at bay slither around me in haunting, heavy darkness. My worst fears unravel before me like a venomous viper, striking with dreadful precision.
It's your fault, they hiss. Yours.
My knuckles crack as I tighten my grip. It's a comfort, a release. The only way I can access the silence I crave. The only way I know. Words are a luxury I long since abandoned. They're useless, meaningless things that fill the air with nonsense.
My anguish cannot be quenched without the thud of skin on skin, without the agony of my bones shattering in the wake of my punches. Every punch is a scream hollowing from my lungs. Every block is a thicker wall I lock myself behind. It's an endless fight of me against the me I despise.
We are one. We are the same. We are a monster you can't tame.
I'm terrified. Of failing, of hurting someone beyond repair, of the monster growing inside me. But fear is a coward I'm well-acquainted with. It's fueled by greed and a thirst for torture I won't be the victim of.
So I rip my knuckles open until my bones ache, bleed until my fists are drenched in blood, and let the icy shades of rage blind me until I drown out the self-destructing noises in my head.
There's nothing left to save.
I fight. I fight for me, against me. I fight for my mother. I fight for my father. I fight for my friends, for the only family I have left. I fight for the future I promised to live. I fight for the past I'll never forget. I fight for a chance to fix my mistake. I fight for the life I don't deserve.
