What Remains

Chapter 10

Bereft of solitude
Dead dogs are just happy you're there

I wake up a little while later. My head finds itself not on Kenny's arm, but now on a pillow on his lap. His hand is limp over my forehead— had he been touching my hair? If so, I don't think it was too close to now; his posture is slumped down, he isn't moving, soft snores are coming from his mask, his head is facing up against the top of the couch... A sense of relief washes over me and I allow myself to calm down.
I shouldn't let him do this, should I?
My father's voice responds to my thoughts, "You're a traitor to even yourself. I didn't raise you to be a pushover."
I don't think he understands what he's doing right now. Or at least the gravity of it.
"Stop denying it." My father scolds me. It works.
I'm not denying anything. I'm literally saying I shouldn't be letting him do this.
"Nonetheless you're still allowing him. Deep down, you're tired of fighting and you know it all too well." My father replies coldly.
Well what if I don't let him? What will he do to me then?
"You're enabling him and you know that too. Maybe this really is what you want."
That isn't the case! I'm not enabling him. I don't like him, and I don't love him either. Just stop it.
There's a curt silence. "You remind me so much of myself." A soft chuckle follows those words. "You're smarter than you're giving yourself credit for. Hm, where did you hear that before?"
I shiver, gripping Kenny's lower arm that I only now realise rests on my ribcage. He stirs at this, cracking his neck then looking down at me with those meek eyes of his.
"Sorry," I whisper, releasing his arm. I don't move off of him, despite how I want to; I feel like if I did I'd bump into some kind of invisible barrier.
Kenny hums in reply, giving a dismissive shake of his head.
I pause for a moment. "...Why did you do this?"
He thinks, gears turning in his mind and all, then shakes his head, "You looked uncomfortable." He gives a shrug.
"Nothing else?" My eyes burn into his.
"You're enabling him and you know that too."
Kenny shakes his head dismissively.
"Alright." A soft sigh escapes my lips, and I allow myself to shut my eyes once again.
Shit.
I take in the rain smell that creeps in from the semi-broken windows. A cold breeze passes by, sending another shiver through my body.
"You're cold." Kenny mentions.
My eyes open to see that he is still staring down at me. Another shiver, but this time out of fear. "I'm fine."
Kenny ignores my words and reaches to his right to grab a blanket. He tucks it over me, then moves his hands back to their original positions, only this time his thumb is gently rubbing my forehead.
Too much, this is too much— I can't protest though, can I?
"Thanks..." I mumble, closing my eyes once more.
Kenny hums.
Painfully enough, I am actually comfortable. The blanket helps and I am finally warm, but the situation baffles me. Nonetheless the ambience is peaceful, the patter of the rain and its smell, the cold breeze, the occasional cracks of thunder that rumble throughout the ground...
It feels safe. I feel safe.
Just pretend it's someone else.
If I had told myself a few days ago that today, I slept on Kenny's lap I'd have been livid. Absolutely livid.
But at least I'm on Kenny's good side, right? I promised myself I wouldn't form a bond.. It's not my choice anyways. I'm going to get out of here, I told myself that. This is simply leverage.
Kenny takes a deep breath in and stretches, awaking me from my trance. I finally sit up, afterwards standing. My feet tingle as I balance myself out, a funny feeling. I look at Kenny who is now just below level height with me. He meets my gaze with squinted eyes.
Is that a smile?
"Is that a smile?" I ask teasingly as I point at his masked face.
His expression falls.
I give him an awkward shrug and walk away, leaving him alone on the couch.
I could go outside. I should enjoy the storm. I need some fresh air anyways.. Kenny smells like sweat.
I give a small snicker at my thoughts and creep to the front door.
Wouldn't he be mad, though?
No reason for him to be. It's not like I'm about to run away.
I turn the doorknob and pushed the door open, taking in the strong rain scent from outside. Softly shutting the door behind me, I turn and walk over to the steps, sitting down at the top.
The roof covers me well enough that only a small amount of rain patters against me. The sky is grey and dull, some dark, almost black clouds just shy of the horizon. The ground is wet and gross, especially the dirt and rock path that leads off to who-knows-where.
My posture hunches and I fidget with my hands in my lap, losing myself in the oblivion of my thoughts.
It's funny, I could leave right now. Run out in whatever direction and hope it gets me somewhere, but I won't.
I did make a bond, didn't I? Another thing I promised myself I wouldn't do.
But does it really hurt that badly? I can get over it. What would make this different?
He's just like dad.
I groan and rest my head in my palms.
Not worth putting that much brain power into thinking about. Stupid.
Before I can have any more thoughts, Kenny bursts through the front door, his heavy axe in hand. My gaze flickers from his frantic, almost manic eyes to the weapon.
"Woah, Kenny, what's wrong? Did I do something?" I throw my hands up to the sides of my head and stand, turning my entire body to face Kenny.
His chest rises with every breath, quick and heavy. He falters as he sees me in front of him. The grip he holds on his axe lightens minorly.
"You were leaving me." Kenny utters, his eyes still frantic.
"No... No, not at all. I was sitting on the steps and..." I trail off, struggling to maintain my calm. Kenny's posture loosens at my words.. "I won't leave. I said you could trust me, right?" I hesitantly stand and step towards him, still maintaining a decent distance; Kenny is an unpredictable man. "Oh, jeez, Kenny." I keep my tone light.
Kenny's gaze softens as he sees me stepping towards him. He hesitates a moment before simply placing his axe behind him against the wall next to the front door. He shuts the door as if nothing happened. Then he mumbles something about 'needing to be sure', masking any sort of anger or fear he felt moments earlier.
"Come sit with me. I won't leave." I beckon him and sit back down. Kenny slowly steps to my side to sit with me. "I love storms. They're really cool." I mutter, staring off miles away.
Kenny hums in reply. I turn my head to look at him; his eyes are gazing off miles away too.
"What's on your mind?" I ask as I rest my chin on my fist.
Kenny stares at me for a second before taking a drawn breath. "Why didn't you leave?" He says, plain-toned in contrast to the depth of his question.
I didn't because I knew I couldn't get far anyways... And I know you'd come back to get me.
"I don't know," I start, pulling my gaze away from him, "It's stormy and I'm injured... Why do you think I'll leave?" I say the last sentence in a somewhat hurt tone. It isn't on purpose.
"Just— why haven't you tried to escape?" Kenny avoids my question.
Trick question— you're keeping me here. I'm not keeping myself here. You're asking that like I have a choice. Plus, I'm not stupid; I know any attempt I'd have here (which I did have one) would backfire.
"Kenny, you kind of kidnapped me." I reply, slightly furrowing my brows at his repeat-question, "...And then threatened to kill me if I tried to escape."
This seems to strike him in some sort of chord. He leans back slightly.
"What, did you not take that into account?" I ask genuinely. After I don't receive a response, I sigh. "I want to leave. The only thing holding me back is you... Well, I guess this fuckin' wound too."
I glance at Kenny. He seems to be anywhere but here.
"Um.. you ever drink? Smoke?" I decide to shift the subject because honestly, I don't want to talk about escaping, or him keeping me here. My gaze meets with Kenny's questioning eyes. "I smoke. No shame in admitting." I throw my hands up to my shoulders.
"I smoke sometimes. Never had any alcohol." Kenny replies, "After I saw my dad, I didn't even want to have a go."
I nod, giving a longing sigh. I rest my chin on my palm.
A shiver courses through me as the breeze gets stronger, pushing more rain towards us.
I search Kenny's masked face.
I could... Just to relive May.
Abruptly, I stand up and push myself onto the rainy path below the steps. Kenny startles at my action and stands too.
I offer my hand out to him as rain consumes my body. "Come here." I give a small reassuring smile. With a hint of uncertainty, Kenny looks at my hand, then back to my eyes. "It... it feels nice." With that, He takes my hand into his, stepping out into the pounding rain alongside me. I pull him further out, setting us up in the middle of the grassy yard. I stop and place my hands on the outsides of Kenny's lower arms, and they fall to my grasp cluelessly. His eyes wear this sort of starstruck look as he watches me. It's amusing; him and his restraint specifically reserved for me. Odd. So odd but so fascinating.
"Isn't it nice?" I ask, shouting through the loud rain.
Kenny thinks for a moment, "It's cold."
"It's gentle." What I mean, even I don't know. But maybe to him, it is decipherable.

Come, let me brush this rain through your hair.
Let me show you the love I have been shown,
In hopes it carries to you.
Let me show you gentleness
In exchange for your brutality;
For I know a dog who's only been given violence as a reward
Doesn't know any better than to bite.

His hair is falling flatter and flatter with each harsh wave of water. I laugh. "When's the last time you felt rain?" I shout.
"Not since I was a kid." Kenny looks up at his hair, then shakes his head like a dog after a bath.
A sudden loud crash of thunder makes me flinch. When I realise what it was, I laugh at my fear and pull away from Kenny to dash back inside.
We slam ourselves into the house, all drenched and dripping onto the floor. I wear a stupidly large grin.
"That was... nice." Kenny says, shrugging off his jacket.
I glance at him for a second, taking the joy in his eyes almost gratefully. "Thanks for letting me stay out."
Kenny pauses for a moment, staring at me. I've found that throughout my time being here, reading his expressions through his eyes has gotten easier.
Now, he's staring at me like he's a cat, and I'm a dove in a metal cage. Possessive, mesmerized. Is it wrong that I don't mind it right now?
"I'm hungry. Do we have any more food?" I ask, turning in the direction of the kitchen.
"I'll find something. You should.. have a shower." Kenny murmurs timidly as he walks past me.
I made his day, didn't I?
My eyes fixate on him for a second more before I turn.
I gotta stop doing that.