What Remains

Chapter 21

Autumn Falls
Leaf by leaf

Kenny and I near the start of the path. I had dressed myself in a large beige trench coat which is, admittedly, extremely worn. A large, darker brown scarf adorns my neck, contrasting the dirty black combat boots Kenny had found for me a while ago. So far, I've noted how large his backyard is; it's a BIG plain field of pure browny-green grass, spare the few wilting flowers that spread sporadically. In contrast to that, the leaves of the trees are beginning to turn a deep reddish-orange, and few yellows and greens are scattered across the expanse ahead. The sky is growing cloudy— a dark cloudy, the type you'd expect a large storm from. To me at least, it's perfect. How can something so beautiful exist in a place of so much harm? Honestly, I don't know. I'd have probably been able to answer that question a few weeks ago.
"Quinn?" Kenny starts in a thoughtful tone.
My eyes flick to him. "Kenny." I acknowledge, encouraging him to speak.
"You're pretty." Kenny utters matter-of-factly, readjusting his grip on my shoulder. He's trying to keep me stable, but I don't know if he knows I can walk decently on my own. I don't object anyway.
I smile warmly, averting my gaze, "Thanks, Kenny. I think you look very nice today." I give him a smile, and I see his eyes squint happily in reply.
I draw my gaze back ahead, but not in a way that intends to end the conversation. "What's on your mind?" I know that Kenny probably has something on his mind.. he isn't like this when his head isn't full of... whatever it is he thinks of me.
"Nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice." Kenny replies, making me give a soft chuckle.
I furrow my brows. "Give me something to talk about, then. What else is on your mind?" I ask.
"What are your hobbies?" Kenny answers. An easy question.
I ponder for a moment, recalling my most prominent pastimes as we finally reach the dirt path behind Kenny's large backyard. "Well, I'm an artist. I like writing and drawing.. Especially when I have music" I reminisce.
Kenny nods. "What did you draw?"
"People. I was never too good at animals." I reply.
"What did you write?"
"A bit of poetry. I'm sure you can see why."
"What type of music d'you like?" He slows down a bit with this question.
"It really just depends on my mood." I scan the atmosphere, taking in the reds, oranges, browns, yellows and greens.
This forest is definitely old, judging by the ginormous trees alongside dozens of fallen ones, browning moss, the animals that scatter themselves in every nook and cranny. The ground is cold, colder now with the weather. Autumn has always been my favourite, it makes everything pretty. The trees sway quicker with the ever growing breeze that lifts most everything.
Beautiful. So beautiful.
"I take it that Autumn is your favourite month?" Kenny inquires, snapping me out of my trance.
"Absolutely. That's no secret." I reply sarcastically, a low grin growing on my face.
Kenny pauses for a moment, almost guiltily, before I hear him take a breath. "You have no reason to be kind to me, you know that, right?" He says.
I'm taken aback, and I know he can see it on my face because he leans back a little. "Oh.." I barely know how to respond, "Why are you saying this?" I move closer to him, giving my signature 'what the fuck' look.
"It's in and of itself." He answers, giving a light shrug.
My lips draw into a thin line when his eyes meet mine. They're genuine. "You're stupid." I remark, making us stop for a second so he can actually acknowledge me. "You're so stupid." I laugh, and I can see his confusion clearly in his posture. That starstruck look lingering in his eyes. "Tell me again, what did you say?" I let my chuckle dissipate for a second.
Kenny lightens for a second, "You have no reason to be kind to me." He reiterates, a little more questioning this time. He's so confused too, and I'm just here all giggly and happy. His grip on my shoulder loosens a little as he hesitates. I think he's embarrassed.
"And you mean that?" I raise my brows, and I'm surprised my eyes don't pop out of their sockets from how wide they are. My smile is tentative, testing the waters. Kenny nods, and I giggle a little lighter. I move in front of him to take his entire view, and his hands snap to linger above my shoulders so quickly I could've sworn I heard an 'ahh— careful.' "Kenny," I grin. His eyes soften as I mention his name. "I don't need to have a reason." I remark, nodding with each syllable, "You. Are. My. Friend."
Despite everything, I call him my friend. I am a traitor to myself and my values.
Kenny's hands relent for a second, then slowly press themselves onto my shoulders as if to stop me from floating. "You're going to fall if you stay on your toes like that." He says sheepishly. I didn't even notice until he mentioned it. There's a pause as I fall back to my original position. A pang of soreness echoes out from my injured leg for a moment.
He holds me a little closer to his side this time.
"..Thank you." He mumbles. I push him with my hip a little, then we keep walking.
We stay silent for most of the time. There is some random small talk, but it all stops until we make it to the end. There's a lake. The water is clear, rushing in from a small river, and out through another one. I stray away from Kenny, and he sort of reaches after me, almost subconsciously.
There, in front of me, I see the tree he was talking about. The one with his sister's hair tie. It's sitting on an island right in the middle. A small smile fits my lips. It's peaceful, and so unfitting.
"This is it, right?" I turn back to see Kenny a few feet from me. I see him a little lopsided because my head is tilted.
Kenny looks up at the hair tie to confirm it, then looks at me and nods. "Yeah. That's it." He agrees. He doesn't move despite how I expect him to. I don't really care though, so I turn back to the view ahead of me. It smells like Autumn and grass when I take a deep inhale through my nose. Leaves are lifted in a soft breeze, and are dropped into the water to drift away. A leaf crunches under my shoe as I take a step forward. I can feel moistness squish beneath the soles of my shoes, but I ignore it and stay right where I am. I'm happy, really, I am. I can feel happy here.
In truth, outside of this place, I didn't really have anything I was useful for. Maybe I was just meant to live— not for something, but just live. I wasn't really destined for anything. Even now, if someone were to ask me what I want to be, I just wouldn't reply. I don't want to be anything. I want to be nothing, and I'm okay with that. Makes it feel like the world has been put in my palm. I don't need to work for money anymore— hell, I can sleep for days straight if I really want to, and I'd have someone by my side the entire time. It just...
I avert my gaze to Kenny. He's staring at the hair tie, completely unaware of me watching him. Dissociating.
...It just makes the past all feel like a very, very bad dream.
I take a step back so as to not get my butt wet, then sit down. I hug my knees to my chest, comfortably wrapping myself up in a trenchcoat-blanket. Kenny lumbers up beside me and sits down. One of his legs is bent up near his chest, and the other is splayed outward.
"One time, I tried to draw the house across from mine." I bring my eyes down to the lake, and watch the clear water ripple above the rocks. "It was summer. I was about maybe.. hm, fourteen? Well, I was outside leaning against the tree on my lawn, and out of the house comes this old woman." I grin to myself. "And she looks so pissed. I ignored her, but she didn't ignore me." I chuckle and sway a little as I do, "She sees me sketching her house, and immediately comes over and just starts yelling— and I'm talking full on. I didn't even know why." My expression falters a little bit."But, and it's the weirdest thing," I pause, almost losing touch with my words, "This blonde girl comes out and she looks really embarrassed. She's dragging the old lady back in, apologizing to me a bunch with her head down.. then just before she closes the door, I see her eyes." I smile, "Those bright green eyes; I could have been miles away and still have seen them." The air is tense, but I dismiss it with a small headshake. "I never saw them again after that. They moved out." I feel a little guilty for saying all of that now, mostly because it's probably false hope, but I couldn't help myself. Hope. Kenny needs a little more of that anyway. My head slumps against Kenny's shoulder. I sigh, "I think your sister is out there." I whisper in a raspy tone.
Kenny tenses as he processes my words. I don't say anything more, I just let him think. My eyes shut, and suddenly I feel so sleepy I almost pass out right there and then. It's the most perfect sensation— the cold breeze is dissuaded a little by the beaming sun.. The jacket I'm wearing is thick, so having the hot sun blocked out by the wind is helpful to say the least. I curl into it more. It reminds me of winter, when you're in your car with the heat up on your seat and you don't want to leave.
"She was always quiet." Kenny starts in a low voice. I nod against his sleeve. "Used to ramble like you when it was just us. Was usually late at night, though— when it was quiet." He adds.
I look up at him, but he does not meet my eyes. "You have a talent." I remark, "You make people talk." I say thoughtfully, sparing him from my stare.
"Two people." Kenny replies hesitantly.
"That's still something."
Kenny gives a hum. I remove my head, and give him a long stare. He only notices after a few moments. My chin now rests on his shoulder as I scan him, and his head draws back in the slightest. "You never take that thing off, do you?" I ask. A teasing hint lies in my tone.
Kenny blinks awkwardly, then nods. "In private." He answers.
I give a short smile, "I would like to see your face some time."