Clueless | DAERIN

23: thanatophobia

h a e r i n
—

Two weeks later.

I have to be honest.

I am worried about Dani and my relationship.

We have not had any fights or disagreements, but something just feels very off to me.

It could be partially due to the instability of our new relationship rule: 'No public displays of affection.'

I mean, this feeling began two weeks ago when we had that conversation, and it hasn't stopped since.

I do not want to break up with Dani because both of us have waited such a long time to be together, but I think we more so need to break up.

We aren't really evolving or maturing as separate people in this relationship.

Heck, we aren't even maturing together.

From a third-party perspective, our relationship is not one hundred percent stable at the moment.

Dani wants to keep our relationship a secret unless we are behind closed doors, while I want the entire world to know that I am in a relationship with her.

Dani has been making up a ton of excuses recently, specifically whenever Ruka asks to meet up with me.

I would usually believe them if it weren't for the fact that her excuses are extremely repetitive, and she only uses them when Ruka is involved.

Lastly, Dani has also been on the verge of failing all of her classes.

Whenever the two of us are supposed to be studying for our upcoming tests, she has been consistently trying to distract me from my homework by riling me up sexually.

Most of the time, I am able to reject her, which she understandably accepts, but she ends up distracting me in other random ways.

I always try to convince her to do her homework after she has had her fun, but she usually just brushes it off as 'unimportant' and does whatever she wants for the rest of the day.

This one does not bother me as much as the others do, but at the same time, I do not want her to fail out of school.

I understand that it is her life and she can do whatever she pleases, but I do not think our relationship is helping the situation.

Instead, I think that it is making everything worse.

As much as it is going to hurt each of us to do this, I need to let her go so that both of us can mature on our own and find ourselves without relying on the other person.

I think that there is a possibility that the two of us got into a relationship so quickly that we never really stopped to make sure that we were mentally ready to take care of another person.

I make sure to keep my distance from Dani as we arrive at a random diner near the park.

She reaches out and opens the diner door, holding it open for me.

We enter the small diner and slowly make our way over to an empty booth.

Since it is only four in the afternoon, the diner is not too busy, but it is not necessarily empty either.

Dani and I take a seat across from each other, placing our backpacks beside us on our bench.

The gorgeous, blonde-haired girl awkwardly picks up her menu and slowly opens it to distract herself.

I sigh out of sadness at this.

I really do not want to leave her.

Not only is she my girlfriend, she is my best friend too.