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We were outside.
—On, cried McGonagall.
Fearlessly he pushed me forward (for I was in front of him) over the slippery shingle of Bray Strand.
What was the purpose of this expedition? Why take me outside after all this time confined to a single room.
The light hurt my eyes. It was bright. I could not recall the last time I was outside.
My legs were better, it seemed. For I had no problem leading the way.
We walked the length of the whole strand and over on to the promenade and then back away towards the sea.
The weather was awful.
I fell many times, cutting my knees of the hard, wet rocks.
What season was it?
I did not know.
It was raining, of course, but there were trickles of light poking their heads out through the silky cloudy.
At the end of our journey, he tugged hard on the rope that was around my neck.
It drew me to an instant cessation of my outward physical movements (all kept going on the inside, unfortunately).
It was difficult to breathe.
—Sit down.
I was on my knees.
—I said sit down.
I fell to the side and lay there, hoping this position would be adequate in terms of his conception of the seated self.
—Get undressed!
I had hoped that my going outside would not be coupled with being forced to swim out naked into the sea, until I could swim no more.
Was he going to kill me?
I saw a vision of my uncle, swimming out into the sea.
—The matron is outside. I can smell her.
He was making no sense.
I was afraid to speak.
—Wait, he said.
We waited.
Two lost souls, one in charge and the other subjugated. The sight of us would not doubt have shocked many. Silhouettes by the sea.
—Leave your clothes on. I am going gather wood for a fire. It will be cold later.
—Are we
—Shut up!
He went about his business, gathering wood and other material in order to make a fire. I could have done a runner. But I did not. Why? I cannot tell you. The rope remained around my neck, but it was attached to nothing.
I cursed myself. Why did I not run away? I could have been free.
McGonagall returned with a faggot.
—Get up.
I got up.
He handed the sticks to me and directed me to try and get the fire going. I had no idea how to start a fire.
