There Is Freedom Here

Chapter 19: One Last Request

Every night, Eren took a different pill from the bottles you left on the kitchen counter. You hadn't bothered to tell him they were there; he was bound to notice them shortly after. You knew you had told yourself you couldn't be an accomplice to Eren's genocide by helping him find a way back, but after catching him rummaging through the supply closet you just decided to bring out the pills yourself. The idea of Eren searching through your belongings was not a comforting one, and hopefully he wouldn't have to again since one of the pills would work and he'd be back in his world.

You couldn't bear to watch him take the pill every night. Instead, you felt like a prisoner within your own house, wrapped in tangled comforters that bound you to your bed. Your heart was heavy, weighing on your guilty conscience for not interfering him in his attempt to rejoin his path to murder. For not screaming and crying as a desperate attempt to get him to stop. Everything within you was conflicted, broken, shattered, the pieces lying on the ground as you attempted to repair what was left of yourself.

You felt betrayed, backstabbed and at the most, disgusted with yourself for still liking him after everything. It was horrifying to notice your heartbeat quicken the first morning after he confessed his sins, after seeing him lying on the couch, sleeping soundlessly. You hated it. You wanted to peel your skin off and dissect your guts, find the invasive tumor within your body that somehow made you capable of liking a murderer.

Classes at your university were becoming difficult to attend. Arriving late every day or not at all was beginning to reflect poorly on your grades. You were halfway into the semester and Eren's confession happened to be the weekend before your midterm exams. Safe to say they didn't go as well as you hoped.

Marco has called you countless times, wondering if you were going to hang out this weekend since you never ended up attending the hangout Reiner invited you to. Jean and Marco were also still excited about meeting your "boyfriend." You couldn't find the courage to tell him it definitely wouldn't be happening. Instead, you told him you were sick after studying for midterms without breaks.

In a day, they were all celebrating Eren's birthday. In fact, Eren himself had texted you to invite you. How he got your number—you assumed Marco gave it to him. Either way, Eren had invited you and his twin, as he was really interested in seeing how similar they looked. You tried to ignore the fact that it being his birthday also meant that it was your Eren's birthday too. What were you supposed to do—get him a cake and have him blow on candles? Congratulate him on his birthday and his future body count of millions?

Your heart dropped through your gut, splattering onto the floor after reading the text for the first time. You couldn't believe it—not simply because Eren had texted you himself when you've only hung out a couple of times, but also because of Mikasa. She definitely hasn't released her... sentiment towards you, and you're not sure if arriving with a man would help ease it, especially since he was a replica of her boyfriend.

God, why couldn't you had fallen for this world's Eren instead? Yes, he had a girlfriend, the same woman that your Eren would probably choose over you if he had the chance to. Liking modern Eren seemed a lot easier, as his worst flaws were him being a bit of an egotistical prick. The weed didn't even bother you, unless he was hotboxing the room like he did when you were at Marco's dorm. Plus, he attended the same college as you and was just as hot as your Eren.

But he had a girlfriend and you had met him after already liking year 854 Eren. There was no undoing your emotions; you've already dug the hole and there was no way of climbing out.

You were sure you weren't going to attend Eren's birthday party and had even rejected the invitation. He said it was all good and that you were free to join the next hangout once you felt better.