WILD HEARTS

Chapter 31

The next morning Siddharth woke up to find himself alone in bed. He checked the time. 9.15 it read. He sat up and last night's memories came rushing back to him. He sighed and rubbed his face. It wasn't just that he fucked up. He actually showed a side of himself to Shehnaaz that he never thought would ever surface. His mind kept going back to her face. It wasn't so much the hurt, but the fear that he hated seeing. He got up and walked out in search of her and found her sitting with a cup of tea out in the balcony.

"Hey," he uttered softly, standing near the door. She jumped and looked behind her. Siddharth felt a pang of guilt shoot through him again.

"You didn't wake me up."

"Koi na. It's Saturday so socha I'll let you sleep in," she replied, averting her eyes from him and looking straight ahead. He sat down next to her and his eyes fell on the purplish mark around her neck. His self hate grew instantly. He hated himself. This was his baby. He moved his hand to touch her neck but she flinched slightly.

"Main chai laati hoon aap ke liye," she was about to get up when he stopped her, grabbing her hand.

"No you sit. Main banata hoon." She nodded and resumed her position on the chair.

He came back out after a few minutes holding 2 cups of hot tea.

"Yeh le, thodi extra bani thi. Didn't want to throw it away."

"Thanks."

They sipped their tea in silence, staring out at the trees and the sunny sky. It seemed quieter than usual. A few seconds passed with neither speaking. Siddharth then took out his pack of smokes and lit one. Taking a long drag he released the smoke into the air.

"Shehnaaz, kal raat whatever happened, uske liye I am very very sorry. I don't know what came over me. I know sometimes I do have control issues in bed and you know this. Sometimes I do like to dominate ye bhi tu janti hai. Plus we've done it before and this is how I am. However, I recognise the fact that kal it sort of went out of hand. There's no excuse to justify this. So uske liye I want to apologise. Just don't misunderstand me or anything, ok? I will never hurt you. I love you. I'm not a threat. Please don't be scared of me. That's the worst feeling, meri jaan."

She remained quiet and continued to look ahead of her.

"Talk to me, mera bachha," he said softly, brushing his knuckles on her cheek. She still didn't reply. A few minutes passed in silence again. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the bruise. What had he done?

"Tu gussa kar, you want to shout at me, abuse me, I will totally get it. But not this silent treatment. Please bol kuch."

"Siddharth, when I met you and we started dating, I was a virgin and with you I've experienced things sexually which I, honestly, had never even thought of. You've opened me up to so many experiences. And I've loved it all. Even when you would get rough or dominating. But kal-" she faltered. "Kal it was something else, Siddharth. It wasn't just the rough play. There was something dark about it. About you. It felt like-like you were punishing me or something. As if-as if you were getting back at me for something. Your eyes, I had never seen them like that. They became so dark. I could hardly see the love. Darr laga mujhe uss waqt," and finally she turned to look at him.

Siddharth felt something pierce his heart. Taking a deep shaky breath he said, "Baby, do you believe me when I say that I would never ever harm you? Tere pe ek kharoch bhi aata hai toh main paagal ho jata hoon, so do you think I can ever harm you?"

"I know you won't harm me, Siddharth. And I'm not trying to say that I feel unsafe with you. Baat woh nahi hai. But it was the intention, the provocation behind your action that scared me."