Tainted (nonbinary mc x man)

Chapter 31

When the white noise echoing through Toma's brain calmed down, they were sitting on a bed in a room they didn't recognize. For a moment, the fear rose back up in their stomach. They didn't remember coming here at all. Hadn't they just been in the hallway? How did they get here?

"Drink this," a voice said gently. A glass of water was placed before Toma's face. Toma stared at it for a moment before looking up.

"Gerald?" Toma asked, their voice coming out a bit raw. Then they looked over to the other side of the room. "Nellieven?"

Gerald smiled and continued to hold out the glass with a steady hand. Toma relented and took it, taking a small sip. Their hands shook as they held the glass gingerly.

"I saw Your Majesty in the hallway," Gerald explained calmly. "Your Majesty wasn't responding to me, so I was going to take you to the medical wing. We ran into Lord Nellieven on the way. He took one look at you and said it wasn't anything life-threatening."

Toma had finished about half the glass at this point. They looked up at Nellieven with a questioning gaze. Nellieven explained, "You had an anxiety attack, but you're ok."

Toma looked up in shock. "That was anxiety?" They laughed humorlessly. "It felt a lot worse than anxiety. It felt more like panic if you ask me."

Gerald smiled sympathetically. He reached out to rub a hand over Toma's shoulder soothingly. Nellieven answered calmly, "Anxiety attacks are just premeditated panic attacks, if that makes any sense. Panic is sudden, but anxiety is something we build up over time by worrying. I guessed anxiety attack over panic based on the fact that you've been stressed from dealing with my mother."

Toma shook his head, "No... that wasn't why I... that wasn't why that happened."

"No?" Nellieven moved to sit next to Toma. "Well, I'm sure it didn't help matters. Do you want to talk about it?"

Toma opened their mouth, but no sound came out. They thought about it. About telling Nellieven. But the anxiety spiked again, like a white-hot flame. Toma quickly shook their head and looked towards the ground.

Nellieven calmly rubbed Toma's back. "You don't have to. How about we go outside? Get some fresh air."

Toma nodded in agreement. Nellieven and Gerald helped them up and the three of them made their way through the halls quietly. Nellieven led them to the back doors of the palace, where the bridge to the West Tower swayed in the wind.

"I figured there would be less people here," Nellieven explained when he saw Gerald's confused look. "No one to disturb you."

"I once died in that tower," Toma started slowly, staring off at the rounded building in the distance. "My father died there too, though he stayed dead."

Nellieven's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak, but Toma still continued.

"And Melina shot me with an arrow while I was on that bridge. Then she cut the ropes. It was only thanks to my magic that Thomsyn and I were able to survive. And it was thanks to Monrie that the guards that fell into the ravine are still alive."

Gerald blinked."Oh..." he started slowly. "Maybe we should go inside then."

Toma shook their head. The wind picked up, moving through their hair. "No. It's nice out here. The breeze is perfect." They closed their eyes and took in a deep breath of mountain air. "Besides, no matter where I go, the things that happened won't change."

Nellieven watched Toma in interest. "You aren't wrong. Moving forward is difficult, but it's better than standing still or turning back."

Toma sighed and moved to sit down, a stone bench materializing from the rock beneath them as they did. Nellieven and Gerald settled on either side of them. Except for the whistling of the wind, it was silent. Toma looked out, considering the rope bridge before them.