Fifty Shades of Stuffed Bears

German Sparkle Party

Miriam strutted past the bouncers guarding the velvet clad room, confidence with each large stride she took. She wore her red leathery bra and lacy thong, striped stockings and eight inch blue heels.

She walked by the desperate women and pathetic men. Sparkles flew every which way, getting into people's lungs and making them choke violently. German pop music blared over the speakers as both male and female strippers danced in leather on stage and in cages suspended above. Right above the stage with flashing lights read,"Welcome To German Sparkle Party."

Up on the stages were men and women dressed as everything ever dubbed sexy. Maids, cowboys, nurses, babies, cats, ears of corn, sporks, and shopping lists. Pennies and dimes rained down on them as they danced, making them flinch from the metal hitting their skin. Miriam had countless hundred dollar bills, but what she really needed was loose change for the car wash. That's why she had that job, also for fun and exercise.

Miriam walked past a man she recognized. It was a client of hers. He got in trouble for going up to a gate at a children's playground and going,"Psssttt, hey kid, over here!"

See, Miriam wasn't just a trashy looking stripper, she only had that job during the day. She was an attorney at law by night. Gerald's job was just as esteemed, he was a surgeon by day, and drug dealer by night. That's how that glorious couple met. Gerald sold Miriam drugs then saved her when she overdosed. How romantic.

Childish laughter rang through her ears. She looked at a cage hanging above to see her daughters, Umbra and Pentagram, shaking what Gerald gave them. Umbra and Pentagram had dark black hair and dark brown eyes with a paper white complexion. Both were wearing red leather like their mother.

"Oh," Miriam cried and put a hand over her heart, she held back a tear as she smiled up at her beautiful daughters.

She has yet to see her third daughter, Honeysuckle. She looked around the room and her eyes landed on the kindergartener. Honeysuckle was slumping in the corner, covered by shadows and glaring at her sisters. Her bright blonde hair had black streaks in it and covered her tan face and blue eyes. She wore a Black Veil Brides t-shirt and black jeans with dark makeup surrounding her eyes.

Miriam remembered when she went through an emo phase. She drew on her wrists with red ink to make it look like scars.

She continued to the back room of German Sparkle Party. She located her daughters and that's all that mattered. They looked to be having fun and Miriam didn't want to ruin that happy occasion for them. Once she entered the room, she saw her husband, Gerald, sitting in a chair with Big Booty Judy on top of him in nothing but a golden speedo.

"Gerald!" She shouted.

"Miriam! It's not what it looks like! She was trying to help my find my contacts, I dropped them down my pants!" He argued and threw BBJ from his lap.

"Dining with six giant stuffed bears is fine, but this! Why did I ever marry you?!"

"Because you are a dirty immigrant from Inglewood, sweetie, that's why," Gerald reminded her.

"I want a divorce, right now!" She screamed.

Suddenly another stripped poked her head into the room,"Ebony "Dolla Make It Holla" Monroe, you're up," She directed Miriam, who wasn't even working.

"Big Booty Judy, please cover me," She begged.

"I prefer Double Wide Back Side Judy," She proclaimed and stomped out.

Gerald continued,"We can't get a divorce, honey, we are some how handcuffed to each other five times a week,"

"I don't care if you sold me those drugs to keep from going through withdraw, or saved my life once I overdosed on them, I'm leaving you!" Miriam turned towards the door.

"Not so fast, Miriam. Yesterday, I found these!"

Miriam stayed turned around as he pulled out a box. She knew what it was,"You wouldn't," She growled.

"Yes! I would!"

She spun around to see the cardboard box of dismembered organs, all splashing around in a shallow pool of blood,"Not the otter organs,"

"I'll rig these to fall when Sinomin Fury On Your Toast For Breakfast does his fall back, pull lever, flowing water thing. And blame you," He threatened.

Miriam stayed quiet for a minute. Then her marked scowl loosed into a small smile,"Oh, Gerald! This is why I married you!"

Gerald threw the box of organs up into the air to run and hug Miriam. She ran and embraced him just in time for the otter organs to fly into the ceiling fan and get shredded to pieces. They kissed passionately as blood rained down on them.

"Miriam, look!" Gerald held up his wrist to show that it was magically handcuffed to Miriam's dainty wrist.

"I love you, Gerald," She felt a tug on her other wrist and held it up, a look of confusion crept across her face. On the other end was a five foot tall stuffed bear, the one dressed as a sophisticated gentleman.

"Bad New Barold has to be handcuffed to us too. He gives me good luck,"

Miriam groaned,"Once we're uncuffed, we're getting a divorce, Gerald,"

All Gerald could do was smile sheepishly as the music blasted from outside, echoing,"German Sparkle Party" for miles to hear.