My YOU

1. A MISTAKE

On the night of 4 July 2023, I was crying over a boy. The boy who I loved the most, I cried for hours and hours and couldn't help myself. Getting Panic attacks and all that. Just the thought of him about betraying me was making me frustrated I was feeling all types of negative emotions a broken hearted person feels. Anger, Emotional, Furious, Rage. I used to be a cheerful girl, but how I ended up like a mess? How a mere person can make me like this? But he did, he had that power over me, I was crazy for him. Even in depressed mind there was still a faded tiny voice telling me that he would come back, he would be a little guilty and would take responsibility for what he did. But, my mere expectation died when he said he likes someone else now.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE FREYA, IT WAS A MISTAKE!" He said.

"A MISTAKE?" I replied.

"Hmm, I'm sorry, we just can't do it anymore." He said.

"But why?" I said.

"Because I love someone else now, I just don't want to be with you anymore." He replied.

"It was you who started it. YOU were the one who begged me to say yes to you! And NOW you're running away like you did NOTHING? Where are those dreams you showed me about a future with you HUH?" I replied.

"I never really loved you it was just a crush now I'm going to get engaged with someone else now" he said.

"I shouldn't have believed in you from the start. Don't you have any shame? Don't you feel a little bit of guilt, for playing with my heart? You're that heartless?" I said.

"Hmm, don't call me again understood? I don't want my fiance to get any misunderstanding." He said.

"Oh now you're worried about your SO CALLED FIANCE HUH? but you never worried about me ever. You used to YELL at me when ever I saw YOU FLIRTING with other girls wow, such a hypocrite. GO TO HELL WITH YOUR FIANCE." I said

(BLOCKED).

I blocked him right after my last massage. I never thought we would end up like this. I was so in love, never ever a single thought crossed my mind about him betraying me, I never should've believed his lies. I can even hear my heart shattering more when all those memories played in my mind of us spending most of the time together, playing games, editing videos, talking for hours and hours on calls, him telling me lies that I thought were real, all those moments were breaking me inside, even more tears started to flow from my eyes. I couldn't stop myself from crying "what should I do now" that was the only thing I was thinking at that moment, it was new, it was the first time I was broken like this but what about him? He didn't even care about my feelings, he knew I was serious about this relationship, but he still didn't care, he didn't even have a tiny bit of sadness or guilt in him. I was doomed, I thought this is the end of me, I couldn't even breath because of the intense nonstop crying. My heart was crying, screaming for help I could hear my heart saying "please help me, please heal me" nothing was helping even though I had some people with me for comfort but nothing was helping.

I was speechless at that time, I didn't know what to say and what to not. So, I left, without saying any word, I left. We broke up in March, but I was still hoping that he would come back, until he told me that he likes someone else now, until he told me that she became his fiance now, until he told me that I was nothing compared to her, until he told me that I was just a mistake. I kept thinking about how and why this happened, what did I do to deserve this?. All these thoughts on my mind, and water pouring from my red swollen eyes, crying silently over a boy.

The day we broke up, I deleted all of my social media except WhatsApp. I was tired of crying so, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was really messy, my eyes were swollen and red with dark circles, I was looking so lifeless. My parents were worried, even my close relatives were worried because my condition was getting worse.

20-August-2023

Months have passed I'm still in that same condition (lifeless) one time a notification popped up on my phone screen showing my cousin.

"Hey, are you alright?" She said.

"Yeah, I'm doing ok." I replied.

"Listen now, I wanna learn to be social and achieve communication skill so, I wan't you to learn with me too!" She said.

"Okay so? What do I have to do." I replied.

"There's an app called Fondi, download it, there we can have a conversation with foreigners from all over the world, and that may help us to achieve our goal, and it can also help us to be fluent in english." She said.

NOTE:  (We are asians, English is not our first language so please understand)

"Okay, I'm gonna download it now, then I'll tell you." I replied.

"Okay, GREAT! Download it quickly i can't wait!" She said excitedly.

I downloaded the app, and told my cousin about it. She told me to make an account, and I did, furthermore she told me to open it right now so, we can talk together with other people. I agreed and did what she told me to do, but it was our first time using this app so it took us about 5 hours to find each other in the app. Until then I met some people. They were so nice to me, and I really liked them.