Words of Longing

Please! Come Find Me

I'm so nervous to say these words. Because once I do there is no going back. But if I'm being honest my heart's gonna burst if I don't.  I... well the thing is um i dont really know what to say. I know I dream about you, and on the rare occasions im being stubborn i hear your voice. Its stern yet gentle. Caring and protective. I almost feel like you're here beside me... oh great now i want to listen to "Hear Beside Me" from Mulan 2 which is a good song in my opinion. But whenever there's a random breeze it feels more like a caress. Like your hand against my face or touching my arm. But lately it's been more than that. Sometimes it feels like i can feel you behind me. 

I've been having some rather interesting thoughts lately, dreams that feel real like a memory from a past life or maybe it's just wishful thinking.  I keep seeing this one scene over and over in my head and no matter how hard I try i can never see your face but can see mine. It's almost like I'm seeing myself through your eyes. Your gaze is so warm when you look at me, it makes me feel precious and cherished and to be honest its a little embarrassing especially since im not used to that. Sometimes i get overwhelmed by the things you do or say and i dont know how to handle it. Like the one time I took myself out to lunch and got full, I heard your voice loud and clear"Get a to-go box little lady" and even though it caught me by suprise it also made me giggle. 

I thought to myself " who the heck was that, and why did you call me little lady?" but i couldnt help but smile for the rest of the day. Then there was that other time when i was pulling cards for a channeled message for my tarot spread and it was way past my bed time and i was very very sleepy and i just kept pushing even though my higher self told me to get some rest and the 4 of swords came out as well to get rest. i kept pushing and the next thing i know I hear " Thats enough! You're going to bed!" and that took me back for a second because i was so confused " who are you yelling at like that, and why are you yelling at me like that, I dont do yelling." but even in that moment i put everything up and went to bed. I guess your daddy dom mode was activated because i felt like you tucked me in to bed that night and told me to stop pushing myself. 

Even today I heard your voice and i could see you smile even though i could only see your silhouette; I could tell. But what i want to know is who are we to each other? Why do i hear your voice sometimes and not all the time. Why do you touch me with such gentleness it makes me want to cry. Why do you care about me when you're not even here to wipe away the tears i cry. I just want to know who you are to me. What do you want from me. Are you here to actually help me escape from this place to take me away from here?  You're far away arent you? I know this because i can smell the ocean and the fresh dirt along with hearing the pitter patter of rain against the rooftops. The lush green trees against the dark and cold sky it feels like home. I picture a small little cottage nestled in the woods near a river. Theres a fireplace with a cauldron bubbling something yummy. 

I see entangled limbs and fingers intertwined snuggled up in bed. The warmth of your body heat even now is making me sleepy. I can feel your lips kissing the top of my head and moving down to my forehead. I can see your lips moving but i cannot hear your voice. Do you not want me to hear your voice? Why must you keep yourself hidden from me.  Have i dont something to offend you, have i made a careless remark? I just want to know what is this thing between us that feels like the harder i fight the stronger the pull. I dont want to fight, I dont even know if i want to get away from you. What i do know is that I want to see your face, hear your voice, finally see the eyes that have memorized my face over eons, and for once that doesnt sound like something i made up. I feels so real, I know you know who i am, because we've met before.  Not in my dreams but your's isnt that right,  my mind hears the song "Once Upon a Dream and I Wonder" from Sleeping Beauty and dont tease me for being a disnerd, when you grew up without cable disney vhs was your friend. "I wonder why each little bird has a someone... to sing to.. sweet things to." Will you sing for me please i wonder if you'll lull me to sleep with a lullaby or just the gentle caress of your warm hands on my back and your kisses. 

"But if i know you I'll know what you'll do, you'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream"  Maybe these words are just wishful thinking, or perhaps im crazy and only wish that there was someone out there who would do these things. Heh pretty silly and yet its that silliness that has made me smile, made me laugh, made me comfortable. May i ask you something , If there is something between us will you do me a favor please come find me.