Halfway Hotel

Fifteen - The end

The ghost of Hannah's shaking hands linger in my palms and her favorite rock sits heavily in my pocket, bumping my leg while I walk back to my room. She left these little traces in me even though I never had any intent of letting her in. And not just her, so many of the other people I've met and said goodbye to since I came here have left traces of themselves in my heart and mind, some tender, some tragic but all of them have left me connected to those people in this small, unseen way.

By the time I make it back up to my door I'm a different man. The connections I used to fear are calling to me like sirens. I must make them stronger, the ones I have are all so small, so fragile, so easily broken or lost. I have to fight for them, even though there's a chance my efforts are what will cause the damage I fear.

I end up pounding on Eddie's door.

"Hold your fucking horses!" he shouts from the other side, "I'm coming!"

The chain rattles and the door unlocks and in true Eddie fashion, I throw my arms around him in a hug the moment he's in view.

"I'm so glad you're here!" if he'd yet to return from his date, hunting him down was going to be much more difficult.

"Bradley?" he asks in confused wonder.

This is literally the first time since we met that he's gotten my name right. "Apologies," I laugh, leaning away so that my hands rest on his shoulders, "I'm having a moment, if you could just bear with me."

"You good, man?" he asks worriedly.

"I believe I am. You see, a few moments ago I came to the realization that you are a very dear friend to me and that I would like our friendship to continue and grow."

Eddie laughs and brushes off my hands so he can slap my shoulder, "Just now? We've been friends for ages!"

"Yes, and I apologize for the delay."

He gives me a quick once over, "Are you on something?"

"God, no."

"You sure?" raising an eyebrow at me, "You sound different."

"Yes... If you'll excuse me, I need to call Elizabeth."

"Hey man," he catches my arm, "You sure you want to talk to her right now? You might say something stupid."

"I fully intend to."

I arrived at the restaurant far too early and loiter awkwardly outside the doors. To my dismay and delight, Elzabeth agreed to meet me for dinner. She seemed excited to receive the invitation, like my timing was perfect. I pray that's a good sign. Fear has filled me to the point of tremors, but I know that I have to tell her in spite of it. I love her. The connection I have to her has woken up my heart and I don't want to ignore it anymore. I am already lost in uncharted territory where the only way out is once again letting her take the lead.

When I see her approaching, my heart soars and trembles. She greets me with a hug and a blinding smile, unlike any I've seen on her before and it hits me. I finally put all the little puzzle pieces together, this is why I'm here, to take a chance on this connection. I get it now, connections are what make life meaningful, and for me, this is the big one, the one that matters most.

Being seated is a blur of anticipation and anxiety. I've had many important discussions over dinner, but none that meant so much to me. We exchange some small talk that I'm barely mentally present for and it isn't until our meals are brought out that I realize Elizabeth has the same air of charged anticipation as I do.

She rubs her fingers over the fork laid out on the table and chews at her lips before taking a deep breath, "I'm actually really glad you invited me out tonight, there's something I want to talk to you about, but I didn't know how to bring it up, and well, the timing just feels right." She peeks up from her busy fingers to check my expression. I can only hope I don't look as nervous as I feel.

"I'm all ears," Since I'm terrified that my thing will end our date early, I feel it best to let her go first.

She centers herself and hides her nervous fingers in her lap, "I've been the manager here for a really long time and I've meddled in the lives of so many people, but I've been here so long and seen so much it felt like no one had anything to offer me anymore. And then you came, and I was so ready to add you to my list of successfully checked out guests. I had a plan, and it was perfect. If you don't know what you need, help me help others and eventually you'll find it. But watching you learn from everyone else and make friends with Eddie, even though that made no sense, reminded me that I can still learn new things too. So, I have been, and in doing that I realized that I stopped trying to help myself a long time ago. I'd given up, and that's not really what I wanted. But my problem didn't evaporate. I still couldn't let go. I kept replaying memories in my head of the way this place was before I started acting as manager and telling myself that I had to stay because what would happen to everyone after I was gone. And then, Hannah," She slows down, smiling sadly, "She was so young and so brave, and I felt like such a failure. After all these years, I was still letting fear hold me back. And then I saw that name tag, and you said that you aren't lost anymore, and everything just fell into place." She reaches across the table, taking my hands in hers, "I know it's a lot to ask," meeting my eyes, "but if you would be willing to keep doing the work we've been doing together, then I think I could go.

Time comes to a crushing halt as all the shining hopes I'd been building around myself crumble. If I tell Elizabeth how I feel, I'll be free to leave, but she will still be trapped here, waiting for someone who could take her place.

For a fraction of a second, I allow myself to grieve and then I put away and make my choice.

I had so many chances, and I let fear hold me back every single time, but this time, it's my love for her that has me pulling back. If one of us has to remain so the other can move on, it will be me. I've never been a fan of uncharted territory anyway.

Being in my suit makes it easy to smile like my heart isn't breaking. I squeeze her hands and let her go, "I'll do it."

Neither of us had much of an appetite after Elizabeth's big revelation and we ended up leaving for the lobby right away. "Are you sure we can't have a party or something? I'll never hear the end of it if you leave without telling everyone goodbye." I can't decide if the delay would be torture or a blessing, but I find myself grasping for more time with her anyway.

"Sorry Isaiah," Elizabeth winces, "I don't want to risk losing my nerve." She stops us both and puts her hands on my chest, her fingers tracing the outline of the name tag I accepted for her sake, "Thank you."

It's strange, I hadn't thought I'd brought it with me, but it was there in my pocket anyway. It was after I put it on that Elizabeth decided she wanted to go now.

I shrug, "It's not that big a deal, I could run a hotel in my sleep."

She hides her laugh against my shirt and comes away smiling, "I better get this over with."

The lobby is empty aside from the keeper that mans the desk. As we approach, it opens the ledger to one of the first few pages. It's completely filled except for the little line next to Elizabeth's name where she's meant to sign out.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath and pulls her name tag off her shirt. She runs her fingers over it one last time before passing it to me, "I want you to have this," flashing me one of her coy smiles, "To remember me by."

I let out a laugh that was far more painned than I'd intended it to be, "I can't imagine forgetting you."

She laughs and then chews her lip, "I can't imagine forgetting you either."

After the keeper hands Elizabeth a pen, it meets my eyes, passing off a warning that confirms my suspicions. Elizabeth is the oldest guest currently here by far and by letting her go, I'll be missing my last chance to check out. Far from dissuading me, the keeper's warning strengthens my resolve. At least I'm finally figuring out who I am underneath the suit. I'm a man who would give anything for the woman he loves. It nods its understanding and together we watch as Elizabeth signs her name. The moment she checks out the itch I've harbored to tell her how I feel vanishes along with the instinct that I could go if I did. Elizabeth doesn't say anything else, guests never do, but she leans up on the toes of her pumps and gives me a kiss before heading to the exit.

The keeper puts its hand on my shoulder in a rare comforting gesture as the revolving doors spin and Elizabeth disappears. WIth her departure, my tenure as the manager officially begins, and like my love for her, will never see an end.

The end