Milk, Tears, and the Number Thirty

Take Shot Every Time She Says Twenty Nine

"But the real question here is, is he actually single? Because I looked at his hand and I thought I saw a ring tan line." I checked out the time, it was fifteen minutes to seven and I still have not decided whether the red or the black maryjanes win.

"Excuse me, a what?" I hear Darcy choking a bit through the phone. At this point, I don't know what I will do without her.

"Darcy, I cannot make this up. A ring tan line. Well, first of, the man tells me he doesn't have social media, which I though was a win and highly suspiscious. And then he shows up on that first date, and I almost got blinded with that perfect tan, and that scent. That scent Darcy, almost sent me to heaven. Except when he took my hand to hold me, I saw that small line on that ring finger!"

"Okay, but did you ask about it?"

"Oh, what should I say? Hey, are you married? Darcy, have you never met men?"

"But he was so good on paper!"

"On paper. That's all it was. Now it goes to the burn pile."

"Solana, I'm running out of people to introduce to you as offering." Darcy sighed on the phone. "I'll see you at Remedios soon? Try not to be late for your own birthday party! Bye!"

Big deal, turning 29 today. I look at the mirror as brished through the waves of my waist long black hair. Twenty nine? Big number! Should I do the updo with the french pin? That looks more sophisticated, right? 

Twenty nine. Twenty nine.

I decided to use my gold pin that has camellias on the end. A white linen tie front maxi dress, the red mary janes and a red lipstick to complete the look. Five more minutes were spent for just gazing in front of the mirror. No, I definitely still look okay-ish for twenty nine, I think? Sure, my pores have definitely gotten more visible than it was before, and I definitely need to start using that gua sha again, but, I'm still okay, right? Right?

The Remedios was just a seven minute walk away from my flat. It's a small restaurant owned by this beautiful older lady who never says anything but will always give me a nod of approval when she sees me walk past with my best dresses. Her paella though, is worth a thousand words. While it is in the city centre, it was hidden enough that it will not be everyone's first choice to come to.

I step inside, and the sound of the most romantic Spanish guitar welcomes me. The walls painted in Terracotta, decorated with portraits of the family, all hand painted. Right by the reception was a painting of the ancestral house and two young lovers by the door - I'm guessing this was the owner during her prime. The colours green, brown, and hues of blue are dancing in my eyes, all lighted dimly with candles and vintage lamps. The floor was covered in Saltillo tiles. Wooden tables and chairs, adorned with detailed carvings of flowers, and the booth seats were covered up in red velvet. The sound of silent stories and laughter lifted from the room. Glasses clinking in celebration, exchanges of kisses and people of different generations coming together. It was a small place, and in every bit of it was intimate.

I looked around and saw Darcy already sat with Charlie and her "boyfriend", Trent. Well, I should really be saying Charlotte as Charlie has  done a whole rebrand and will not acknowedge anyone who calls her Charlie now. As usual, the girls did not disappoint and were dressed for photo ops. Darcy was wearing an olive green one shouldered mini dress that was cinched to her waist, her hair wavy pinned on one side. Charlotte was wearing a yellow deep v dress, adorned with lace and a messy up do. I appreciate Charlotte's work with Trent as he actually came in a decent linen trousers and a brown knit buttown down top.

"There she is!" Darcy called out.
"07:07, still late but fashionable." Charlotte leaned to kiss both of my cheeks.

I have three friends. Three actual people that I consider as my real friends. I guess through the years, you learn that you can be friendly, but not everyone who is, is actually your friend. Obviously, Trent is not one of them, but Beatrice decided to get married and have a baby in the US and unfortunately cannot come to see me at the glorious moment I turn twenty nine.
Twenty nine. I should take a shot every time I say that.

One of the blessings of growing older is knowing that you will never see your friends as often as you did when you were younger. This small dinner actually took me a month in advance to gather three people. The best part of it though, is that even when you don't see each other as often, once you do, you know that the connection is still there. As you get older, only the low maintenance friendships survive. A bittersweet fact that you have to accept, knowing that you are all now living different lives. Funny, different but still home. Always home.

The Calamari came as well as the gambas and Charlotte was happily chatting away about their holiday at Malaga and how Trent was such a darling. Darcy chimed and was getting travel tips as she's going on her solo trip later this year.

And I was just.. eating calamaris.

Darcy is a sucessful specialist nurse for the A&E, which she has always been passionate about. The brains on this woman is her most dangerous asset, second to those sharp cheekbones. Charlotte has made her way as a travel writer and vlogger, living every womans dream. Beatrice was a sous chef but happily gave this up to become a housewife and devote her time to raising her son, that they have planned and waited for years.

I run a nursing home, for the elderly with challenging behaviours, and am absolutely ready to dive into my paella.

I look at everyone around the table, and just felt a tinge of happiness that I have these people around me. I'm looking and hearing everyone's stories of success. Even when I can only tell people about what I'm eating at the moment, I know, even in the smallest ways that I've taken steps closer to being succesful. At least this is what I'd like to think.

Darcy cleared her throat, and started singing "Happy birthday to you.." The waiter came with a delectable heart shaped chocolate cake with strawberries on top and a candle lit. The last "Happy birthday to you.." came in and everyone was clapping for me.
"Make a wish!" Charlotte cheers on, clasping her hands together.
I close my eyes, and thought of just one wish. Just one, but nothing came to mind except this.

May I finally find what is missing in my life.

I open my eyes and blew my candle. I blew it for a vague wish. I don't even know what was missing in my life. All I know is that I am finally twenty nine, and I am goving myself a year to find out.