ivy,,,,, mark lee

ivy [eng. ver.]

I remember our teenage years, when we spent all that time together, just hanging out, laughing, pranking each other, kissing... Oh to come back to those times...

Oh to feel you close to me again... To have your lips on mine, but we were only friends, right? I mean... That was what you said to me that weekend and it broke my heart. How I hated you that day. And even hating you, I couldn't block you, I just couldn't because I still liked remembering what we had, and having your number helped me remembering the old times, when we were happy. One week later, you messaged me, saying how sorry you were and asking if we could meet to solve things. I still loved you so much, how could I deny..?

So when you showed at my room, hugging me and kissing me again, making love to me... I felt so good and wanted... I was with my arm around your shoulder, when I couldn't hold anymore, I told you how much I loved you. You stayed there, quiet, with your mouth slightly open. and I felt nauseous by the way you reacted.

I got up, already feeling tears on my eyes. You didn't need to say anything, I already knew this wouldn't happen.

You tried to stop me, saying that you loved me too, but it wasn't sincere like my words.

"Go away, Mark." were the only words I managed to say at the moment. And you didn't say anything else, you put your clothes quickly, grabbed your things and left the hotel room.

I spent the rest of the day crying like a little kid.

2 months passed and I couldn't focus anymore on college, all I could think was you, how I missed my best friend, how I shouldn't have let any of this happen. I threw all the pictures that we had together in my dorm, all the things you gave me along the years we were friends. Everything that reminded me of you.

I think the worst part of this all was when I thought I was getting over you and I saw you with another girl on campus, you were grabbing her hand, smiling to her, like nothing happened.

That day, I cried all over again.

Now, after 4 years without you, I still miss the friendship we had sometimes, after all we were best friends before we fucked everything. But, we were only kids anyways, we were stupid... If I forgave you? I don't think so... But I definitely missed you. I would miss you till the end, even if you broke me multiple times.