Let Us Burn

The Mess I Am

India

My friends and I have been friends since we were toddlers. When our fathers started their hospitality company, and our mothers were still in the workforce, they came up with the idea of using their extra office space for a daycare center or room, which is now thriving, if I may admit. Our daycare days turned into play dates and dinners at one another's houses, which became a routine and continues occasionally.

Scarlette and I explained to a curious Becky how we met as we lay on the massage tables, getting one of the best massages of my life.

"Wow. So, you guys are basically like family." Becky was doing the honors and giving Scarlette a massage.

Scarlette gave a muffled answer from where she was splayed on the massage table. "Yes, something like that."

"So, where's the last of the foursome?" Becky giggled as if she had made one of the funniest jokes ever.
All the tension that the older woman was working out from my shoulders and back had just reentered at the mention of Isaac.

Speaking of him, he sent me an "okay" response to texting him that we needed to talk. That was it. It had grated on my nerves, but I had no room to be upset, especially from my actions lately. It wasn't me. I wasn't the one to jump in bed with someone like Zayn. I've been telling myself it's because Isaac and I haven't had sex in so long; maybe it was just the pent-up desire my body needed.

Would Isaac forgive me once I finally tell him? Would he take me back with open arms? Ugh. I was becoming a mess. I haven't felt this out of control since I was a teenager, and I've been doing so good not to retort back to the obnoxious child I was back then. My mother would be disappointed. Isaac was supposed to be it for me. And he was. He was for a while. I'd imagined us growing old together, having a family, and all the good things life offers. I was reminded of that when my mother called, along with the constant messages she continued to send me. Make it right. You two are soulmates. He's perfect, India.

"Uh, he's back home." Scarlette's voice pulled me from my spiraling mind.

"So, the two of you dated?" Her question was directly to me, I'm guessing.

I let out a sigh as my body started to relax again under the masseuse's God-given hands. Her hands pressed down the middle of my back.

"Yeah. Well, no, dated."

"Wow," she paused. "If I didn't know, I'd say from how you and Zayn were eying each other by the pool the entire evening, I'd assumed you two had a thing," she said carelessly.

That almost made me jump off the table and plead my lies. My body froze, and I lifted my head, turned, and looked in her direction just as loud laughter fell out of Scar's mouth. The masseuse's God-given hands stopped. Eyes wide, I made eye contact with Becky, who'd stopped working on Scar's body.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong. Those two are like Fire and Water." Scar told Becky, who was staring at me as if she knew a secret I didn't. I felt like shit that Scarlette wasn't in on my secret. I should be able to tell her that even though she's right about that, I still slept with fire not once but twice.
And wait, Zayn stared at me the entire evening? I couldn't tell, with Kelly draped all over him.

"Hell would turn over before those two have anything going on," Scar continued through laughter.

"So, you two hate each other?"

I just wanted to tell Becky to shut up, for Christ's sake. My lips formed a thin line as I thought of a way to put it in words. Of course, I didn't hate Zayn. He was much as a family as Scarlette and Isaac were to me. But even family disliked each other, didn't they?

"They're just different," Scar spoke up. "It hasn't always been like that. They were very much alike before— "

I cut her off. "I just disagree with some of the things he does, that's all," I answered before Scarlette went down memory lane. If I'm being honest, there was once a time when Zayn and I got along, but things change, people change, and sometimes others don't.

"Oh, well, okay. Now, let's get back to taking care of all this tension you have on your shoulders." Becky turned her attention back to Scarlette.

I was happy she finally let it go and turned her focus back to Scarlette. I turned and placed my head back on the table as the masseuse continued her assault on my rough shoulders. I tried to take in the Zen music filling the room and the smell of oils and lit candles wafting in the air. I relaxed and took in the comfort, just relaxing, as I tried to shove my problems back in my head.