Lost Blood

Part 5

Eloise 's Pov:

I was getting anxious my feelings were all over the place. I couldn't breath even after the self harm i did in the morning I was still feeling anxious. I couldn't explain this feeling. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war and I don't think i am winning.  I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I want to be happy I want to feel something else thats not depressing. I want to love myself but I can't help feeling like I am not enough, that I am ugly and worthless. A burden to everyone I love.

I pace up and down, I should do it. I want to feel something other than this. I will do it only once. I took out the white powder in my bag. I look at the drugs on my dressing table. I want to escape reality, I want to forget everything. I used my pen to make a line and snorted it all. It felt good,  I didn't feel the negative emotions. I quickly hid my cocaine in my bag and tossed it under the bed.

I was happy, I wasn't depressed and I was high. I took my joint and started to smoke. Don't get me wrong I am not addicted, I only take them when I am overwhelmed and stressed. I feel happy when I take drugs, I feel like I am in control of my life. I passed out after an hour.

Matteo's Pov:

My baby sister was so frightened that she had a panic attack. What was Xander thinking! We can't let her know we are in the mafia. Now I will have to explain why Xander has a gun.

We started eating dinner and I noticed Isabella coming back with Eloise's dinner. She hasn't eaten all day, why would she bring her food back.

"Isabella why didn't you give Eloise her food" I asked feeling worried.

"Eloise is asleep, I tried waking her up but she said she will eat later."

"Aww is Matteo worried for Eloise" Dante said mockingly.

"Shut up Dante!"

"Let her starve it's her choice noone cares" Xavier spat out.

"Give me the food Isabella, i will take it to her" I said.

"Don't tell me you actually consider her your little sister" Xander said laughing.

"Shut up! You scared her with a gun ofcourse she would lose her appetite." I said trying not get angry.

"It's not my fault she's so weak" Xander said rolling his eyes.

I stood up ignoring Xander's comment and went to Eloise's room. I knocked but there was no answer.

"Eloise I am coming in!"

I got in and she was laying in bed.

"Eloise wake up, you have to eat."

"I'm not hungry" she said in a tired voice.

"Atleast take 3 bites."

She sat up and started eating slowly. I could tell from her eyes she was tired. She slept all day, how can she still be tired? After eating 1/2 of the food I got up and went to the door.

"Goodnight El, if you need anything I am here" I said as I closed the door.

Eloise Pov:

I couldn't believe Matteo brought me food and was actually concerned about me. He even gave me a nickname, I couldn't help but smile.  I shouldn't get too close and trust them, they don't like me, they just want me gone. Once I turn eighteen I am leaving, I will go with Leo and start a new life.