You saved me

childhood trauma

It was a normal sunday but my dad suddenly called me because he wanted to spend some time with me. I didn't have a good bond with him for a long time, because of the things he did to my mother. He physically and mentally abused her and sometimes even me, but my mom protected me as much as she was able to. That's why I don't like meeting him but I'm giving him chances because he isn't a bad father actually... He's just a bad person and sick but I know that he loves me. He asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him and I said yes because spiderman was out in the movies. I choose an outfit and put on some perfume. Guess what he said?
"Are you a girl or something? What it that perfume? It's too much and sweet"
I stayed silent like always because he always has to give a bad comment about what I do.
The movie was good and I had popcorn with coke it was pretty good all in all. He asked me to stay with him but I refused because I didn't want to. I told him my school stuff was at my mom's and that I feel more comfortable in my own bed. He would ask me all the time but I would refuse every time. It's because of the trauma he's caused me. All those years struggling as a little kid oh damn I'm glad my parents got divorced almost 5 years ago.

My parents are related to each other, therefore my brother died 2 years before I was born. He was disabled and only lived 7 months. My parents were forced to marry at a young age. My mom was 17 and my dad was 22. It was all normal back then. I still remember those times where my mom got punished by my father and how I tried to protect her at all cost. The first time I ever saw him slap my mom was when I was 3 years old.
Until then my mom was able to hide everything. After that they fought everyday and I always screamed and cried until they stopped. Sometimes the police came to our house and asked us if everything was okay and my mom always answered them with yes. Our neighbours called the police because of my screams...
My dad almost left us once when I was around 8 and I didn't even try to stop him but my mom stopped him. I wanted him gone, for the first time in my life. I always wanted a happy family but I've never had one because we were only "happy" in public which was obviously fake. What if their love for me is fake too? It was hell, but after the last fight where my dad threatened my mom with a knife, I stood up in front of my mom and told my dad to stop. He flinched and kept yelling but ran to my bedroom and locked himself up. I told my mom I was okay with the divorce and they divorced when I was 11. I'm almost 16 now.
Just saying all this make it seem like nothing but at that moment I wasn't this strong because I didn't need to be strong but I still managed to go through everything on my own since I'm an only child as well.

I just wish to find someone who understands me and loves me the way I am.