love ★ f1

maqui

my name is maqui coceiro, and i'm 17, living in são paulo, brazil. here, life is fast-paced, chaotic, and full of energy—kind of like me. i've always been the kind of girl who gets noticed, whether i want to or not. it's not just because i'm outgoing or confident; a lot of it has to do with my looks. people have always told me i'm "pretty enough to be a model," and while it's flattering, it also comes with a certain pressure. being popular for something you had no control over can be weird, but i've learned to play the game. i know how to work a crowd, make connections, and get what i want out of situations. it's just part of surviving in this world.

my life wasn't always so glamorous, though. my family's from a modest background—my dad's a mechanic, and my mom does odd jobs here and there. despite that, i ended up in one of the most prestigious private schools in são paulo. how? my parents have sacrificed everything for my education, knowing it's my ticket to something bigger. but being surrounded by rich kids who drive brand-new cars and spend weekends in beach resorts isn't easy when you're hiding the fact that you're living paycheck to paycheck.

i learned early on to keep up appearances. no one at school knows that i take two buses and a metro just to get there, or that my clothes are carefully picked from sales racks to make sure i blend in. i became good at pretending, at hiding the reality of my life. it's almost like playing a role in a movie. i keep people at a distance because letting them in would mean exposing the truth.

but there's more to my story than just appearances. when i was 15, i was diagnosed with a rare condition that's not deadly but has definitely made life more complicated. the doctors say it's something i'll have to manage for the rest of my life, and it affects my energy levels. some days, i feel invincible—i'm the girl who can be everywhere at once, smiling, laughing, making sure everyone notices me. but other days, it's like i'm drained of all energy, and it takes everything in me just to show up at school. i don't talk about it much because i don't want anyone's pity. people see what they want to see, and as long as i'm smiling and looking good, they assume everything's perfect.

being popular isn't always about being liked; sometimes, it's about being noticed. and i've mastered that. i've built a reputation as the girl everyone wants to be friends with, the one who's always invited to parties, the one who's "goals" on social media. but it's all a performance, a carefully crafted image that keeps the real me hidden. the truth is, i've never really let anyone in close enough to know the real maqui. friendships, for me, are mostly surface-level because if someone digs too deep, they might see the cracks in the perfect picture i've painted.

but deep down, i do wonder what it would be like to have someone who sees through all of that, who knows what it's like to feel like you're living a double life. there are moments when i catch myself daydreaming about a future where i don't have to hide anything. maybe one day, someone will come along who makes me feel like it's okay to show my true self, flaws and all.

when it comes to love, i've always kept it at a distance. being popular means i get plenty of attention from guys who think they know me because of what they see on the outside. they fall for the image, the persona i've carefully crafted, but none of them really know who i am beneath the surface. for a while, i liked the attention. it's easy to enjoy the thrill of someone being interested in you when you know you can walk away whenever you want. but over time, it started to feel empty. love, to me, became just another game, something that was fun to play but never worth taking seriously.

i've never let myself get too attached to anyone. i see how people get hurt, how they give everything only to be left with nothing, and i can't let that happen to me. besides, how could i ever be real with someone when i'm hiding so much of who i really am? it's easier to keep things light and casual, to flirt, have fun, and move on before anyone expects something deeper. i've had my share of crushes, sure, but whenever things start getting serious, i find myself pulling back. i can't help but think that if someone really knew my life, the struggles i face, the secrets i hide, they wouldn't stick around.

there was one time, though, when i almost let myself fall for someone. he was different from the rest—not part of the usual crowd that flocks around me. he didn't care about popularity, didn't try to impress me with flashy gestures. we met at a party, but instead of getting lost in the chaos, we ended up talking in a quiet corner all night. he saw through the facade, or at least that's what it felt like. for the first time in a long time, i felt like someone was genuinely interested in me, not the version of me everyone else sees.

but then reality hit. as much as i wanted to let myself be vulnerable, to take a risk and see where things could go, i couldn't do it. i couldn't open up about my life, my family, the disease i've been hiding from everyone. i knew that if i let him in, he'd eventually see the cracks, the things i work so hard to cover up. so i did what i always do—I pushed him away before he could get too close. it hurt, but it was easier than facing the possibility of being rejected for who i really am.

so here i am, still playing the role, still keeping love at arm's length. it's safer this way. love is messy, unpredictable, and it asks for a kind of honesty i'm not ready to give. for now, i'm fine with the attention, the fleeting connections, the thrill of being wanted but never tied down. maybe one day, i'll meet someone who makes me believe love is worth the risk, but for now, it's just another thing i keep on the surface—something i flirt with but never fully embrace.

for now, though, i'm focused on keeping up appearances and staying on top of my game. i have big dreams—moving out of são paulo, studying abroad, maybe even making a name for myself in the acting world. i've got the looks and the confidence, but i know it's going to take more than that. you have to be tough, resilient, and willing to do whatever it takes to make it. and i am. i've been proving myself every day, fighting against the odds. i'm not just another pretty face; i'm someone with ambition and determination.

still, there's always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind, the fear that everything i've built could come crashing down if people knew the real me. it's exhausting sometimes, pretending to be someone who has it all together when i'm just trying to survive like everyone else. but that's the price of popularity, i guess—you trade pieces of yourself to fit into a mold that society expects of you. and once you're in, it's hard to break free without losing everything you've worked for.

so i keep playing my role, wearing the mask, and making sure the world only sees what i want it to see. deep down, though, i can't help but wonder—what if someone out there sees past it all? what if they look beyond the surface and find the real maqui? would they still like what they see, or would they turn away like everyone else has done whenever i've let the mask slip just a little?

until i find out, i'll keep doing what i do best—staying on top, playing the game, and never letting anyone see the parts of me that don't fit the perfect image.