In search of happiness

chapter 2

"Shit, it's monday, I have to spend another week with my dad..."
I get up and get dressed, at least before i have to meet him i'll go to school.

*at school*

"Hey Ethan!" It's Lily, my best friend... I kinda like her, but i don't think she likes me back.
"Hi Lily, how are you?" I hope she doesn't know about what happened yesterday... "Are you seriously asking about how i am? Am I wrong or YOU are the one who tried to kill himself tonight?" I wanna cry, but i can't, we're in public... "well... can we change argument please?" I can't talk about it without crying, so I just wanna talk about it later, i think she'll come to my dad's house today "How can we change argument? I was about to lose my best friend FROM SUICIDE! and you just come here and say that's nothing, I can't understand you"
I know Lily... but I can't "Lily, I'm sorry, if we talk about this i'll probably start crying, I'm going to my dad's house after school, we'll meet there and talk later, okay?"
Lily didn't say anything, but i saw a tear in her face... she took my hand and we entered into the class.

*Lily's pov*

I like when we hold hands, but I think we hold hands in a friendly way, but that's not the biggest problem right now, I want him to be okay, I don't wanna lose him, he's my best friend, and I actually like him, i love him so much and I can't lose him...
I just want to heal him from everything... I don't see his smile since the last concert, he only smiles when he plays bass in public, I don't even think he's happy, he just wanna make people sure he's okay, but we all know he isn't...
The lesson started about 10 minutes ago, but I can't concentrate, my mind is focused on Ethan: how can I heal him? How can I help him? And why does he do that? His parents don't really care about his health, they just pay the therapist because the hospital sent him to therapy and the therapist said he must go there once a week.

*Ethan's pov*

Lily isn't listening to the lesson since it started, so 40 minutes ago, what is she thinking about? I just hope it's not about me, this makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't like to be at the centre of the attention, and she knows, but when I do something bad she only thinks about that for a lot of time; I need to talk to her later at home.

*after school*

"Hey Lily, see you later, i can't stay a lot, i have to pick up my things to go at my dad's house, see you at my dad's house at 4:30PM okay?!" "I'll be there, love you!"
Did she really say that? I guess it was in a friendly way, but she said that, and i liked it...

*At Ethan's dad's house*

"Hi dad, I'm home" "I know, put your things in your bedroom, lunch is ready" While I'm putting my things in my bedroom i hear my dad, he's mad:"ETHAN COME HERE RIGHT NOW" I go to the kitchen:"yeah?" he starts yelling at me:"ARE YOU MAD? DID YOU REALLY TRY TO KILL YOURSELF? YOUR MOM TOLD ME THAT YESTERDAY YOU WENT TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO END YOUR LIFE, WHY DO YOU NEED SO MUCH ATTENTIONS?" I hate when he yells at me, I try to hold my tears:"I don't know... just... please don't yell, I have a little bit headache" "why do you need attentions from people?" why does he think that? "Dad... I'm not looking for attentions, you know that i have some mental illnesses and I don't actually know why I do that okay?" I don't know how I'm keeping this calm with him, he's always mad at me, he didn't even want me to be born and he hates me "Okay, I don't even wanna talk about this right now; are you going to eat something?" I hate having lunch with someone, I hate food and I don't wanna eat right now... "I'm not really hungry right now, i'll eat later okay?" "okay, so go in your bedroom and don't disturb me."
I go to my bedroom, pick up my bass and start playing something, for me bass is like therapy, it makes me escape from reality for some moments

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I wrote this part really fast, so sorry if there are some grammatical mistakes, i think the concept is clear anyway, so don't be mad at me.