The Ashes Of River

❥ 36| into the darkness

THE DAYS SLOWLY BEGAN to blur into one. Each day felt the same as the winter break grew to an end and school began, the days as gloomy as how I felt on the inside.

Needless to say, I avoided River everywhere; in the halls, at lunch and even in the classroom, since I'd asked Ms Levni to have my seat changed. She'd usually have refused, but one look at my face and she'd moved me away from him. Faye and I separated from the boys, with Heira switching between our tables, and he didn't try to follow as he'd promised before when we still hated one another.

All of my actions were futile and I knew that. When he resided within me, avoiding him outside was pointless, but there was a lingering fear that if I took one look at him, I would forgo every promise made to myself and my family. He was in my soul, in my blood, and the mere memory of him that taunted me every day diminished any attempt at erasing him.

We didn't communicate, but the minuscule moments of unavoidable eye contact were what fed me for the next several weeks.

The days grew colder as the nights shortened, leading to February and a letter that arrived at my door one early Saturday morning.

I bent to pick it up, swallowing hard as I looked at the cover, the familiar crest at the top, walking towards the living room with my heart in my throat. My dad and Gulzar were already up and they patiently stood by my side as I opened it, dreading the words that might be on the page.

Dear Ishwarya Jalal,

Congratulations, it is with our greatest pleasure that we offer you a conditional place to study at Oxford University...

I blinked, gasping loudly. I got in. I got in.

I screamed as I stood, chanting the words and allowing them to read the letter as they engulfed me in big hugs, congratulating me. My dad and I were back to as normal as we could be, choosing to move on from the past after the incident and after he promised to never see or talk to Esther Vanderbildt again. There would always be a lingering tension, but that momentarily subsided as he pressed a kiss against my hair, telling me how proud he was and how proud my mother would've been.

I would've given anything to see her again one more time. To hug her and tell her I'd gotten into university. To feel her warmth and her pride.

I wished I could tell her. I wished I could tell River.

He was the one who comforted me, assuring me that they were the ones who would miss out if they couldn't see my potential, and now I couldn't even share it with him.

I placed the letter in my drawer where I kept all my ribbons, namely the one from River, so I could at least associate the part of my life that held him with my future — which held no place for him.

Faye was over the moon to hear the news but had assured she'd keep it a secret, away from any prying ears. She'd gotten four of her places for Fashion Design and had chosen Bristol as her firm decision.