HATCHETS & CROWBARS

7

The shower was hell, just like I expected. It was clean, thankfully, but the handle had fallen off, as had the nozzle... and the curtain. It just seemed like someone had ripped it apart, whether it was to fix it or destroy it was unclear. So, of course, I had to do things myself.

I picked up the nozzle, screwing it back on, then attempted to put the curtain back up on the rod, apparently the struggling sounds I made drew the attention of Brian, who sated at me through the crack in the door.

I couldn't help but scream when I saw him peeking at me. "Jesus Christ!" I leaned against the sink, breathing fast. "What are you doing?"

Brian said nothing, opening the door now that I had seen him and stepped into the bathroom, moving past me, then finished hanging up the old shower curtain. He then looked at the handle, jamming it back on with sudden aggressiveness.

I watched from behind, his movements were surprisingly slow but strong. "Oh... uh, thanks." I said at last.

He once again was silent, then moved away from me, going back to the door. He stood in the doorway for a moment, then grabbed the door shut, closing it slowly with a creak.

I just watched him. "Okay... bye...?"

He then shut the door with a click.

I stood there feeling confused and honestly, a bit creeped out, but then pushed it out of my mind. I took a shower at last; the water was a bit colder than I liked, but it was better than nothing I watched the water tint red as I rinsed out my hair gingerly, my scalp felt swollen, that asshole had definitely could have killed me if I didn't do something.

Suddenly the memories of a few days ago came rushing back to me, making my legs shake. The screaming, how scared I had been, the blood, watching my ex die in my hands. I hadn't stopped when death had sunk in, I didn't let up, it was like I wanted the bitch so far gone that they wouldn't exist anymore. I didn't want to see their face, I didn't want to see any trace of them again. And once they had been beaten beyond any recognition did I realize what I had done.

I felt like a monster. I was a monster.

I had been enjoying it, those things in my head telling me it was the only way, to do it. It was just like how Toby had said, it was like he had felt the same at some point. Maybe that was what happened to his dad? I'd never ask him of course, I think I'd rather not know than throw him back into that.

This was dangerous. Everything here was dangerous, I could set any of these guys off and they could kill me. They wouldn't care, they'd probably just like I had when I had killed my ex.

I leaned against the shower wall, trembling, my body feeling weak. Maybe all of this was coming back to me because I was finally relaxed enough to realize. The fight or flight in my mind had been put aside as I showered. All I could do was shake and cry.

I washed my hands repeatedly, like I was trying to clean whatever was left of them off me, scrubbing my body till my skin was red. What had I done? I signed up for this, to do it again, to kill more people. Why? Did I want to live that badly? I didn't know what I was thinking.

I just sobbed and scrubbed like I was covered in it, covered in their blood. I was, in my mind, I was painted red.

Soon, my senses came back to me, I found my body sitting at the bottom of the tub, the water pelting down and hitting my back till my skin was numb. I took a deep breath, composing myself, then got to my feet. I was exhausted, my head hurt, my broken nose stung, but any other pain had been numbed out by my scrubbing and the water hitting me for so long.

I stood in front of the foggy mirror, I didn't dare clear it, I didn't want to look at myself. I then dried myself off, wrapping the towel around my waist, then leaving the bathroom and returning to my room.

I didn't see anyone on the way there, but I felt like someone was watching, that someone knew about my panic attack in the shower, but maybe I was just tired and paranoid. My exhaustion didn't make me question it, I just went straight to my bedroom, collapsing on the mattress. The masked guy must have left a water bottle and medicine for me next to the bed because a bowl with several different pills was in it. There was ibuprofen, tylenol, and some other white pill. I frowned at them, it looked like the stuff people were specifically prescribed.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to take anything that didn't have my name on it, so I didn't take those two, but I gladly took the painkillers. Once they were down, I laid down on the bed, shutting my eyes.

I didn't remember falling asleep.

When I woke up again my head still throbbed painfully, making my vision a bit blurry, but I wasn't in so much pain. I lay on the bed, not moving for several minutes, before I heard a slight creaking sound of a chair next to my bed, followed by the sound of repeated shifting and muttering.

It was Toby, I could recognize his voice. I opened my eyes, turning over on the bed, looking at him as he sat still next to bed on an old wooden chair. He didn't move except fot the occasional twitching.

He had done this several times now, I assumed that maybe if he sat still too long he just dissociates. Maybe he did it at first to pass the time and now he was stuck doing it out of habit. His eyes looked very far off, just looking out the window, staring into the night.

I knew better than to interrupt him now, I didn't want to scare him again. I just lay still, looking at him, watching his face closely. Wherever he was in his mind wasn't half bad apparently. He looked calm, his twitching was minimal, and his verbal tics were silenced to mutters. It made me pity him, the fact he had to shut his mind off to find peace was concerning.

But, I understood. It made sense, and I inwardly hoped I could learn how to do this in time, I didn't want to think too much either right now, not after my episode in the shower.

"Toby..." I said slowly, as to not startle him.

He made a small sound in response, but he didn't fully seem to come back.

"Tobs... hey..." I muttered.

He blinked, coming back from wherever he was, his shoulders tensing. "Huh? Oh. H-hey." He still seemed fairly calm despite tensing up.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked him, my voice level and quiet.

"You've b-been asleep for like..." He counted on his twitching fingers. "Yesterday af-afternoon to n-n-now. Click. Haha. That's like... 20 h-hours."

"Oh, jesus." I muttered, rubbing my eyes and sitting up in the bed. "Damn, and I'm still tired."

He watched me for several seconds, then his eyes turned away. "Th-thought you d-died. Don't d-do that a-a-again."

I frowned, "I'm fine, man. It's all okay." I reassured him gently. "Thank you for watching out for me. It's really nice of you."

Toby looked down, I could tell he was smiling under the mouth guard. "I don't want to b-bury you... is all..."

"Did... the masked guy tell you you had to if I did? I thought that was just a joke."

"H-he doesn't lie."