Hush, Don't Scream

My mind she had mated - chapter 2

C h a p t e r 2

My mind she has mated

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal,

and death is only a horizon;

and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."

- Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Dr. Freich had jotted down some shorthand notes about my appointment before showing me the door politely, and I gave Dizzy a quick pat goodbye. As I descended the stone steps, I was suddenly quite aware of how late it had become; the shortening days meant that it was usually dark when I got home, but right now, the pure black & starless sky was illuminated by the misty glow of the city lights, creating an orange gradient of clouds. My watch read six pm, quite worrying that I'd been in there for nearly half an hour. Damen would be wondering about me. I wandered across the street and down the alley, leading me to my car, which I only found thanks to the flashing headlights which told me it was unlocked. In spite of the fact that most of the shops were closed by now, Oxford Street was still crowded with people & cars. Most of them would head down to Camden soon to see it at night, as well as take advantage of some of the various tattoo & piercing parlours which became hotspots when everything else closed.

I made my way down the street in my fashionable vehicle, my journey unusually solemn. The meeting had gotten me thinking, straightening out loose ends which still plagued my mind. Monday would a good day to vent, however, I had no doubt about it.

I wouldn't think so far ahead, though; while I usually worked Sundays, the fact that I'd come in every day this week meant that I didn't have to go in tomorrow. Nor did Dame. That meant a whole day at home with him, something we'd both been yearning for months since our last.

I arrived at home late, three quarters of an hour late to be exact - I normally made it back by six, but today, I did not reappear in our apartment until six-forty-five. Not only had Dr. Freich's meeting taken up time, but the rush hour traffic had held me back longer than I'd planned.

Damen greeted me warmly as I opened the door, him being sprawled across the leather sofa which was tucked into the wall, barely fitting. The lights from our plasma screen television flickered about, though I couldn't actually see it from this angle, and bursts of laughter followed from the speakers. The familiar voice of Dara O'Brien followed by the sarcastic comments of Russel Howard told me that he'd fallen into watching Mock The Week. Ever since I'd introduced him to the show, he'd been quite fond of it, despite being a sceptic beforehand. I smiled towards him joyfully before I started to unbutton my blouse, heading towards the bedroom. I pulled on my sweats & cami again, then hugged myself as I moved back into the living room. Damen opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, and I accepted gratefully, settling on his lap. My arms, previously around my stomach, moved to his neck, hugging him close as he planted soft kisses upon my earlobes. I savoured the moment, tuning out of London and into our apartment, into this room, into the couch, into us. And that was how my night went.

*****

Waking up was never my favourite thing to do, but again, just being beside Damen made it all better. Only in his arms could I forget the trivial things which pestered everyone on a daily basis, as well as the terrible trials through which I had been put. He acted like a painkiller to the way my life had turned out, my own personal prescribed drug from the chemist.

So when morning came and he wasn't there, I was immediately plunged into a spiralling depression - what an excellent start to the day. I could already tell that this Sunday would be awful. Heaving myself up from the bed, I trudged down the hallway into the living room/kitchen, taking a seat at the breakfast bar. What had once been a pleasant little apartment became an ugly, unworthy box. I felt like screaming at it, kicking down the walls & ripping open the sofa in the hopes that it may just make it look better, which to me, didn't seem hard.

Damen, who was busying himself cooking breakfast for two, turned around as he noticed me. He took in my scowl, then left his sausages & bacon in the oven unattended to lean over the counter to me. My expression remained the same, much to his disgust, and he quickly ruffled up my hair playfully. If looks could kill, the one I gave him would have mutilated him to the point that his body wouldn't even be recognizable. I could have bitten his arm off at that point, but the great cloud of grey smoke billowing from the stove suggested that Damen would need it to stop the apartment setting alight. He flapped about for a moment, looking distressed, then finally retrieved some oven gloves with which he opened the grill. Charred scraps of meat barely remnant of what they'd ever been lay shrivelled up upon the pan, some of which still flickered with sparks of flame & chugged smoke. Opening the balcony door, he tossed them onto our patio, much to the delight of the fat birds which sat waiting for a meal. Or rather, they were pleased, until they took a taste of it.

Damen expelled a long sigh, scratching his head; we clearly had nothing else to eat in the morning. He smiled clumsily at me as if to apologize, then popped four pieces of bread in our toaster.

"I'll try not to mess this up," he tried to lighten the atmosphere, noting his failure as my frown spread even further.

As we fell into an awkward silence again, I wondered if I was being a fool - was it really his fault that I was in a foul mood?

When the toast popped up, she swept a layer of butter across each, then placed two on each plate. Placing one at my hands, he took up the stool next to me, tucking into his breakfast. I started at it for a moment, then took a tentative bite from the bread. It wasn't great, but it'd have to do - I wouldn't be the one to disappoint Damen by telling him his meals were awful.

The day which was meant to be ours flew by quickly, and at one in the afternoon, we decided we had to do something other than sit around. And that something was eating a meal. Some of the most reputable restaurants in London were settled no more than a five minute drive from our house excluding traffic. Of course, this was a Sunday, the one day without rush hour, but also the one day that families flocked in their hundreds to enjoy a day with their family in the capital.

Yet throughout the entire time, my mind festered with thoughts of Em, and how quickly she'd resurfaced in my life. Pushing the bad memories of her down had been hard enough, but now, I was not sure I could ever deal with it properly. Who was I to say that the little sister I lost wasn't still lingering within our lives, and we'd never get rid of her presence. Not that I'd want to; I just wanted to return to how it had been, when it wasn't her death that haunted us, but her life that brightened our day. Was it too much to wish for that?

Damen kept looking at me curiously for the rest of the day, wondering why I was so down on a day that was meant to be perfect for us. In truth, I was anticipating the meeting tomorrow, perhaps in some false hope that he'd bring her back, or perhaps in the desire that he'd help me move on. But I wouldn't. I couldn't. Not after I'd seen her life crushed before my very eyes.

Hours stretched out longer & longer, my glum thoughts consuming every second of the day, yet every second felt like it could have been a minute, every minute an hour, every hour a day. It was as if I'd fallen into a world of dreams, literally, where the concept of time was distorted.

When Damen & I settled on the balcony to watch the city sunset fade into the glow of the lights, I couldn't help but ask myself if going to Dr. Freich's had been a good idea.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Here, have a whale

▄██████████████▄▐█▄▄▄▄█▌

██████▌▄▌▄▐▐▌███▌▀▀██

████▄█▌▄▌▄▐▐▌▀███▄▄█▌

▄▄▄▄▄██████████████▀

yes, this chapter fails. I had to finish it before I left the boat.

Yes, I'm working on a cover & blurb, I'll upload it when I'm at home.#