her echoes within me | JENLISA

Chapter 4

She loses count of the angry letters she burns.

It takes a week after she returns from Belmont for the bruises on her body to fade. The colours bloomed like flowers on her collarbone, her hips, the insides of her thighs— purple and blue, much like the state of her battered heart. She wills them away just as furiously as she does her heartache. Lisa had been careful not to leave any evidence anywhere it would be visible, so Jennie’s neck is smooth and unblemished. The action does not feel thoughtful and conscientious. She wonders, with a deep trembling rage, if Lisa had planned it like that the whole time. Had started undressing Jennie while fully aware she would be leaving her soon after. The idea of it has Jennie gnashing her teeth together, her hollow chest aching with betrayal.

She feels like a total and utter fool.

It’s an unfamiliar feeling, and she hates it. Worse still is the realization that she herself had likely made Lisa feel this same way first. But that was different. Jennie hadn’t planned a betrayal. She hadn’t left Lisa after promising to run away with her. She— it was— it was just different.

She’s been quiet and withdrawn and Joshua has noticed. He’s out carving new wares more often than not, but when he return it's frequently with small gifts for her. She’s still too preoccupied with her anger with Lisa to spare much time attempting to reassure him. She spends most of her free time holed up in the bedroom, writing letter after letter, fuming and at times writing so hard the pressure aches her hand.

She stares at the latest letter. She can’t keep doing this. She needs to just move on. She can’t bear sparing one more word to Lisa, whether she receives it or not (and she won’t, because Jennie burns each one when she finishes it, eyes hard as she watches the paper curl and blacken and turn to ashes).

(Why does it feel as though everything always turns to ashes around her?)

She has to just keep moving forward. Lisa betrayed her, but that doesn’t mean her life is over. She still has a loving husband. She still has a life. She just has to keep moving forward.

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Joshua leaves her on a Tuesday.

On the Saturday before, the sky is grey, a thin fog crawling over the grounds, seeping through the spindly trees that surround their property. Jennie is sitting on the porch with her battered old copy of Oliver Twist when the carriage looms into existence on the misty dirt road, and she knows at once from the mere sound of urgent hoofbeats that something is wrong.

She lowers her book with a frown, and her eyes widen when she sees Stephen riding towards her, whipping the horses to hasten them, his grim expression clearly visible even from this distance. Trisha pops her head out from the carriage, alarm in her wide eyes as they land on Jennie, who remains motionless as they approach, her heart sinking.

“There’s been an accident,” Stephen tells her as he jumps down from the carriage, landing in a cloud of dirt. He looks up at Jennie and extends a hand, solemnity writ into the lines of his face. “Joshua—he’s, something happened. He’s at the county hospital, we’ll take you there.”

“Get in Jennie, we’ll take you to him!” Trisha yells from the carriage, swinging open the door and waving wildly at Jennie to get in.

The book is dropped on the porch floor as Jennie hurries off. She feels numb as they ride off quickly, the carriage jostling madly as they rush down the uneven road. Trisha chatters incessantly as they fly across town, which isn’t unusual for her by any means, but it’s even worse than usual from her obviously frayed nerves. Still, Jennie is so nauseated with concern and gripped by fear that she feels numb, and catches only snippets of what Trisha is telling her. It’s enough to get an idea, however.