I've been overweight my entire life.
I've had low self esteem since the age of eleven.
Began hating myself in grade seven.
People always say "How can you expect someone to love you, if you can't even love yourself?"
I've thought about that a lot. I don't always hate myself. It comes in waves. In the middle of the night when I'm alone. At times I look into the mirror and it engulfs me like the bitter cold breeze in the dead of winter.
You know how there's those pictures on Tumblr?
Of girls with perfect asses, and perfect smiles, and perfect boobs, and they're laughing on the beach like life is the greatest thing in the entire world.
Well it isn't.
Life is shit, okay? Believe me.
It's total fucking shit.
And all that crap they tell you about High School and how much you're going to miss it when you leave is all a lie too.
You will not miss it.
You won't miss gym class.
You won't miss changing your clothes in front of all those girls that have perfect legs and cute little bras and panties.
You won't miss getting picked last for volleyball.
You won't miss giving speeches and not talking loud enough.
You won't miss homework.
You won't miss all the artificial bitches that walk around with their noses in the air.
You just won't miss it, okay?
The only bad thing about graduating is that question that everyone and their mother asks you after graduation.
What are you going to do next?
Which is especially humiliating and painful if you're like me.
Haven't applied to college.
Doesn't have a job.
Has to get a job.
Has to get a life.
Has to move to the 'next step' in life.
Can't I just marry a rich man and live happily ever after?
My parents agreed that since I'll most likely be working for the rest of my life that I can take the Summer off to relax.
I just bought a car it's a 2000 Honda Accord. I bought it with money I saved and money from my graduation party.
It's pretty nice I guess.
Since I turned sixteen I worked at this little diner called Hugger Mugger.
I washed dishes.
I was pretty good at it I guess, that's what they told me.
It caught on fire though about a month before I graduated and it's closed for repairs.
I wish time would stop.
I'm not ready for this whole 'life' thing.
I'd rather lay in bed and hide under the covers.
