NESSIE AND THE LOVE

NESSIE AND THE LOVE. Part 1

At home in Berlin Tiergarten. While preparing dinner, Anna talks about a summer holiday together this year. If I've already thought about whether I'd like to go on holiday with her, she says in a hushed voice while cooking. I think I can guess what it will be about next. And so, it is. Not at all aggressively, she explains whether it might be better to go on holiday separately. That way we could show each other that we don't lust after each other, that we're not overly jealous, that we don't control each other. There would also be no hindrance to any new friendships that might develop. Friendships or relationships? I interject cheekily. Well, she says, I'm very jealous and you feel very uncomfortable every time I catch you having intense conversations with other women or hugging others. I can only control and limit my jealousy scenes if you give me time and space to move and develop away from you. Who whispered that to you, I interject? Your therapist? Yes, she's my counsellor at the moment and of course I'm also listening to some of her recommendations.

That's quite clear. Of course, I say quickly. That seems right and good to me. But isn't it more the case that you're also looking for new experiences in bed, far away from me, where we can't talk directly, where you have time to think about us, especially on points that separate us? That's a good point. That certainly plays a role in the considerations. I also want to be sure that you are still the only right partner for me. Even after almost four years. Of course, that includes the fact that I'm not either, I get in the middle quickly. I even think that on your separate holiday, you're even aiming to have this particularly sexual experience. No, not at all, that wouldn't be the main focus for her. But the opposite would also be harmful to us under certain circumstances, I realise. I know only too well that our sexuality together has started to break down. Anna has been withdrawing more and more often recently, refusing to share our lust or making excuses. Our initially strong mutual libido soon weakened further and further. Today, after years in this relationship, it has become rather rare for us to enjoy our sexuality to the full.

Often only after a few bottles of wine. We both realised how much passion and sexual energy we had already lost. The strange thing is that our mutual intimacy continued to grow over time. Our non-sexual affection even increased. We talk and discuss late into the night, listen to our favourite music together, cook and drink wine by candlelight. It's not uncommon for us to arrive at our work and study places without a good night's sleep. There has been a real shift in our interests. What we rarely achieve in bed, we manage to do in conversation almost every day: communicate at the highest level. Increasing one-sided dependency, reducing physical needs, continuing to behave in love at home and with friends. That sounds more like brother-sister love than a balanced, good relationship between a man and a woman. Our friends confirm that we have a great relationship, which makes them envious and encourages them to imitate us. We are actually very open to the outside world, hugging and kissing each other often. After all, our freedom is important to us, so does a relationship only hinder this? This is where the initial desire not to travel together comes from.

It's becoming clearer by the day that we won't be going on holiday together. But so far, she hasn't said anything about where she wants to go or who she wants to go away with. Away from me, it seems. Dark clouds are gathering. I come to terms with the fact that I want to leave without her. There's no point in spending days and nights together like this, just discussing and not living life to the full. She was the one who gave me the impetus. Now I'm following her initiative. Friends ask if we can come to Scotland, I think about it, because it would just be me without Anna. The idea was to hire a minibus and planning to travel from Berlin via Calais and Dover further to London, then to Leeds and on to Edinburgh. Plus, other destinations in the UK that we all like and can be organised within the planned trip.

I come to an agreement with Anna. She wants to go to North Africa with a group of people selected through adverts in the city magazine. My crew is formed in a similar way. We organise everything via our big Berlin city magazines and the telephone landlines. As we set off, we both bid each other a fond farewell. We suspect something might happen that will affect us forever. But let's wait and see. My travelling party consists of seven people. The journey is long. Not everyone wants to take the wheel in England. After all, we're driving on the left. Different traffic behaviour. Sometimes different traffic signs and rules. Apart from me, it's only Rolf and Lisa who safely cover the long distances at the wheel. The car does amazingly well on the long journeys. Everything in the back is camper-like and passengers can lie down and rest for a long time during the journey. You can sit at a table while driving, have a drink and chat a lot with each other. Rolf and I do most of the driving. People always want us to drive. Lisa now prefers to drive less and enjoy the journey more. The trip to France was still comparatively easy with lots of chatting, getting to know each other better and exploring sensitivities.