Life's Not Alright

Chapter 2

Later that week Juju told another person who went to the counselor. we spent the day in there... I don't want to relive that day so I'll sum it up. Jujus boyfriend at the time told her to choose between me and him. She choose me and broke up with him earlier in the week. he began to burn himself, that's how the session started over the small issue. we (me, juju, our friend Lillian) were sent to take a break in the other room. Me and Lilly begged her to go to the councilors about her cuts. she refused but pulled up her sleeve. The councilor walked in and saw. A 30 minute session turned into a 7 hour day spent with her. They called her parents

-
A/N
To this day I blame myself for much of what is going to happen. don't tell me it wasn't my fault. It could happen to anyone cause that's bullshit.
-

We slept over at my place the next day. we went with my mom to the store we began talking about our school slut then I said something I should have never said. If I could change one thing in my life it would be this. I hate myself for this next remark.
"God, she's already lost her virginity, were only 12! What kind of whore does that."
She laughed. faked a smile and laughed with me.

From time to time through out the year she would pull me aside and everytime it would be the same thing
"Lily... I need to tell you something..."
Then
"Nevermind"
I annoyed her at first went in about how she had to tell me, after the fifth time I gave up and accepted that she wouldn't tell me. Then we had the fight. We were supposed to stay at Jujus for a week. I got bored and called my dad to come get me in day 2. My dad was in town, my dad is barley in town because of work and I used him as an excuse to leave because I was bored. He said if I spent the week with him he'd get my any toy I wanted (I was 12 stuck Ina 8 year olds body) I choose a fucking Lego set over her. my dad was upstairs talking with Jujus parents for awhile. I went to Jujus room in the basement to get my stuff. She read my texts to my dad about how I got him to make an excuse to come get me cause I was bored. that's when I lost her trust. we had a fight, the following was said.
"Why would you lie to me..."
"I didn't wanna hurt you..."
"IM ALREADY HURT LILITH! IM BROKEN!"

"I'm sorry..."

"Why didn't you just tell me."

"You didn't wanna do anything. I was bored and didn't wanna offend you."

"JUST FUCKING TELL ME SHIT! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU!"

"YOU CAN!"

"CLEARLY I CANT"

"YOU TRUSTED ME WITH YOUR CUTTING SHIT!"

"ITS. NOT. SHIT."

-
What I'm about to say makes me hate myself but I was upset and can't change it"
-
"YOU HAVE NO REASON TO CUT. SO WHAT?! YOU HAD RELATIONSHIP ISSUES?!? IT HAPPENS! THATS NO REASON TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS!"

"... No one understands. you don't understand. I'm sorry. just forget I said anything about this stupid fight..."

"...friends?"

"Always..."
She smiled.

That week I learned I was moving to Washington. at the end of the school year. telling Juju was difficult. The last time I saw her we cried, together for almost an hour...

Two weeks later via text:
Me: heyyy gurllllllll waz up!
Five hours later
Me: jujuuuuuuu
Two hours later
Me: answer me bæ I love you!!!
Three hours later
Me: -calls juju, no answer-
Me: Julianna???
A day later: JULIANNA ANSWER ME WHATS WRONG!
These texts continued for a couple weeks. then one day my phone started ringing.. It was from juju.
Me: JUJU! where have you been?!!

Her: umm I just got my phone back... I was in the hospital on.. Umm... I was on suicide watch.....

Me: juju.... why?

I was crying and so was she

Her: my step dad.. He's in jail now...

Me: was he hitting you...

I didn't want to hear what she was about to tell me. I didn't want to hear the truth. I didn't wanna believe what she was about to tell me.

Her: .....no he wasn't hitting me.

She broke. she started bawling.

Me: ...how long.

Her: since he moved in. a couple week after I meet you.

Her voice was barley there

Me: why didn't you tell me...

Her: I didn't want you to think bad of me.... To think I was slut.. you're my only friend. but.. you moved.... I just couldn't keep up.

Me: you are fucking beautiful. I couldn't think bad of you if you robbed a children's hospital.. I love you. you're my family. if I lost you... I'm not going there...

We talked for a couple hours.. 134 pills. she tried to OD. her mother walked in.
I was stunned. my best friend tried to end her life. I coulda helped her. I could o saved her. if I had kept my mouth shut at the store that one day... if I had stayed the week at her house that one time, who knows... I coulda saved her. but the sick bastard coulda hurt me too..

If someone you know has a troubled home life TELL SOME ONE. don't hold grudges. live every day like your last. love a stranger. explore. live. I will go on about different events in my life.
END OF EVENT 1
--
ABOUT ME
Hello... I'm lily. I'm 14 currently turning 15 soon. I love hockey, drawing and my friends. I went through a time after that where I self harmed. I stopped, I did nothing to help me. I love creepy pasta. and my friends are the world to me. I've lost friends in my life due to poor decisions. But a real friend stays with you through the worst. I live in a broken family but I'm not willing to go into that. my favorite colors blue and I have a boyfriend who's saved my life a couple times. I'm pretty fucking suicidal and depressed. but I'm trying to et better.. a lot of shit has happened to get me here and you'll find out soon. is like to thank bBaileyhedden17 and Mikayla_Walrath for helping me through some tough shit. see you guys in the next chapter
-love lily