Save Me

6. Memory Lane

Flashback...
I laid awake last night after Eli left reminiscing about my childhood. When my dad left, Eli was the one who brought me back to life so anytime anyone would bully him I would go ham on them.  Dad left us when I was six and my mom couldn't take it. I don't remember much about dad. I just remember they were constantly fighting.  I thought all families were like mine, I didn't know any better. Then one day I was sitting on my couch in front of the TV where I had been watching my favorite cartoons when my dad storms downstairs with only one tote bag in hand. He pauses to look at me and then comes over and crouches down so he's eye level with me. He looks so sad that I reach up and place my palm on his cheek not knowing how else to comfort him. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on my hand. In that moment, the world stood still. I didn't hear my mom screaming from upstairs or the cartoons in the background. I just saw my dad and felt his warmth against my tiny hand. He pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered he loved me but he just couldn't do it anymore. My bones felt like they would brake but I didn't pull away. He set me back down on the couch and stood up with pleading eyes. Like I had some special key. I didn't say a word. His face was wet from tears and it surprised me. I had never seen him cry. I stood on the couch in my pink princess nightgown and told him "it's okay daddy" not knowing that I had just sealed my fate. He walked out the front door. That was all the closure he needed I guess because I never saw or heard from him again.
End of flashback...
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When he left my mom stopped caring about anything including me. She would lay in bed all day sleeping other than when she made sure I got on the school bus in the morning. I would wake myself up with a big black alarm clock that I took from her room and would get myself dressed. I couldn't cook but I knew how to make toast so she always made sure I had plenty of bread and cereal in the house. At least she did that much, by 9 years old I was cooking like a pro. My mom had gotten herself help by then and was doing much better but I was used to cooking and loved it so I grew up doing most of the cooking at home until I left for college. I never knew why my parents argued everyday or why dad left.  She never talks to me about it.
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Flashback...
My memories then shift to Eli. I was sitting on the swing in the playground when I hear someone crying. I get up to try to find the source. I find it behind a bench. It was this chubby kid with golden brown hair. He had a striped shirt on and shorts.
"Are you okay?" I ask him.
He looked up at me and bolted up and ran away. He left me wondering what was wrong but I just shrugged and went back to my swing. Days passed and I hadn't seen the chubby kid until one day in the cafeteria when I reached into my bag and realized I forgot my lunch I had packed for myself on the kitchen counter. I was so upset because that meant I would starve all day. Eli must have been watching me from wherever he was hiding because all of a sudden there's an apple in my face. When I look up it's him with his arm stretched out offering me an apple. I smile brightly at him and take it greedily. I mumble a thank you in between bites. He's watching me eat and says "slow down or you'll choke, you're acting like you've never tasted an apple before." I look up at him and state the truth "I haven't." He looks at me shocked. I shrug and keep eating it. "Oh" is all he says in return.
"What else do you have" I shamelessly ask him. He looks inside his lunch box and hands me half of a ham and cheese sandwich. I want to take it but I don't  want him to not have enough to eat so I say no. He sits down next to me and starts eating it and the rest is history. We were inseparable after that. That is, until he left me too.
End of flashback...
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On Saturday I decide to deep clean my apartment. I was embarrassed at the state it was in when Eli came over but in my defense I never have friends over anymore.  On Sunday, I call my mom and she practically left me deaf. She squealed so loud when I told her to come get me so we can have breakfast. It's always her who begs me to spend time with her and 9 times out of 10 I make up an excuse. I know I shouldn't be that way with her but I still hold resentment towards her for having to practically raise myself. We decide to go to a mom and pop German coffee shop close by called Peter's. They have an outdoor patio that's full of greenery and I love it there. Besides I rather spend my money at a local family owned shop than a big franchise like Starbucks.
"So anything new sweetheart?"
"Not really, aside from me getting a concussion for being clumsy." I really need to stop lying to her.
"How are your classes going?"
"Fine."
My mom is desperately trying to hold a conversation but I just want to bask in the sun smelling the sweet scents that are coming from inside the shop. I'm debating whether I should confront her about Eli's letter. That is why I asked her to come out.
"Guess who I ran into mom?"
"Who?" She looks intrigued.
"Elliot, my childhood best friend."
She chokes out her coffee and starts coughing. I hand her a napkin and wait. She pales and looks at me.
"Really, how has he been?"
"Well he's doing well I think. He's actually the guy who took me to the hospital last week."
"Really." She's looking at me under her coffee cup as she takes a sip.
"Yeah, I didn't recognize him at first but when he told me I did."
"Wow, what a small world. When he moved away I thought you might never see each other again."
"Why did you do it mom?"
"Do what dear?"
"Don't play dumb mom, I know you didn't give me his letter. Why would you be that cruel? He was my best friend mom, you know I was devastated when dad left then he left me too and it crushed me. Why wouldn't you give me my letter!" I know I'm screaming now but I don't care. The couple next to us is looking at us and decides to get up and walk inside. I pause to get my anger under control.
"Well I just thought it was for the best at that time honey. You were 10 years old, how much could he mean to you anyway." She waves it off as if it's nothing, as if he meant nothing. Now I'm fuming.
"How dare you!!" I get up and slam my palms on the table that our cups threaten to spill over. She's taken aback and looks up at me shocked. Despite my childhood I have never shouted at her like this. I stare at her for what feels like forever so she can see the anger and hurt she caused me and then I grab my purse and walk away. I leave her there gaping at me.