I feel like I can make it

Chapter 5

"Girl, you up?" That voice cut through my sleep like a hot knife through butter. I mumbled back, "Yeah, I'm up," tryin' to shake off the dream haze.

"Let's smoke, haven't done that in a minute. Girl talk time," she says. I peel my eyes open and squint at the clock. "What time is it?"

"Girl, it's like 3 pm."

Damn, I slept the whole day away. "Wow, didn't even know I took a nap. You weren't here when I knocked out. My bad, let's talk." I prop myself up, grabbin' a pillow for support.

She lights the blunt, and we're soon floatin' in a cloud of smoke, ready to spill the tea.

"So, what's up with you and your bae? Ain't seen you post about him," she starts.

"Girl, he's busy workin', we ain't talked much. This dating thing is hard. Can't force nobody to make time, even if you're feelin' them."

She nods, "Yeah, me and baby daddy been goin' through it too. They are runnin' from affection."

I just shrug. Men, what can you do?

"Anyway," she continues, "you and the neighbor, that's where you been disappearin' to? Don't wanna be in your business, but if you're nearby, I might need you."

I chuckle, "Me and Vinny are just friends, that's my new bestie. I ain't no hoe, okay?"

She laughs, "Well, there's a change in you. You should invite him over, we can all kick it here."

I nod, "Yeah, in due time."

We finish the blunt, girl talk done. Men will forever be a mystery, that's for sure.

My roommate bounced out, and I reached for my phone, hopin' for some kinda sign that somebody out there was thinkin' of me. Nothin'. No texts, no calls, no DMs. Just a cold reminder that I was on my own.

I decided to freshen up, slidin' into the shower to wash away the day. But mid-shampoo, I realized I had nothin' planned for the night, and no clue what to wear.  I wrapped myself up in a towel, took a deep breath, and then threw on the first decent outfit I could find.

"You hungry?" My roommate's voice floated from the kitchen.

"You know it!"

She handed me a loaded baked potato, and I giggled, "Thank you, girl."  It was more than just the food; it was the thoughtfulness that hit me right in the feels.

We ate in silence, both lost in our phones until my ringtone shattered the quiet.

I raised the phone to my ear, trying to answer before I missed the call.

"Ugh," I mumbled, hanging up mid-chew. Food and phone calls? Never a good mix.  Vinny's missed call was no surprise. I hit redial, got his voicemail, and then shoved another forkful of potato in my mouth before he called back.
"Phone tag, huh?" I tried to sound cute. "You hung up on me?"
"Nah," Vinny's voice boomed through the phone, "Had to turn down the music, didn't realize you'd picked up. But you're home, come through." My mind started racing.
"Give me a minute, I'm just waking up," I lied smoothly before hanging up again.
My roommate was smirking. "Imma just go chill," I told her, forcing a laugh. Was I trying to convince her or myself?

*** Just taking a moment to touch base in case you got a bit lost along the way. It's been a while since I checked in to see how you're enjoying the peace. Remember, I'm Sunny,  this is MY story, and I'm about to get to the part where I start running instead of crawling. But hey, the book would have been over already, right? ***

With a glance in the mirror, I gave myself a once-over. Mismatched or not, this outfit screamed confidence, and that's all that mattered. A spritz of perfume, a hair toss, and I was ready to roll. Time to see what this "chill session" with Vinny was all about. With my head held high, I knocked on his door, a whirlwind of colors ready to take on whatever the night had in store.

Vinny swung that door open with a grin so bright, it could've lit up the whole damn block. No words, just that warm welcome and a quick hug that felt like comin' home. The smell of somethin' delicious cookin' hit me first, followed by the sound of music and laughter spillin' out into the hallway.  My heart did a little dance – company? I wasn't expectin' a full-on kickback, but hey, I'm always down for a good time.

I stepped inside, taking it all in.  A small group of familiar faces I've seen in Vinny's entourage lounged in the living room, chatterin', and laughin'. My nerves melted away, replaced by that warm, fuzzy feelin' you get when you're surrounded by good people. Even in a city as big and crazy as LA, it's moments like these that remind you, you ain't alone.

Well, so I thought at the time, being the naive lil' thing I was. It's always high energy when you first meet people and chill for the first time. A blunt, some liquor, a plate of bomb food, and some music can make anyone have a good time, right?

But, let me tell you, that night was somethin' else. Once I stopped overthinkin' and let loose, it was like the whole room lit up. The conversation flowed like honey, the laughter was contagious, and the vibes were immaculate. We shared stories, cracked jokes, and even busted out a few dance moves that would make you blush.

It was the kinda night that made you forget all your worries and just be present in the moment.
Vinny, ever the gracious host, kept the drinks flowin' and the food comin'. He even surprised us with a homemade dessert that was so good that I almost licked the plate clean.

By the end of the night, I was floatin' on cloud nine. I hadn't felt this carefree and happy in a long time. It was a reminder that sometimes, the best nights are the ones you don't plan for, the ones that just happen organically.

So, I got to kick it with Vinny, his cousin Clayton, and Clayton's girl Hermione. Vinny's always the life of the party and loves a good drink and some laughs. Me, I'm more of a chill-and-smoke kinda girl, but I rolled with it, you know?

When I got there, they were already buzzin'. We had some good eats, chopped it up for a bit, and then rolled one up to end the night right. Vinny's friends bounced, and he was lookin' pretty happy with how the night went.

"Thanks for havin' me, but I'm gonna head back, shower up, and call it a night," I said, trying to peel myself off the comfy couch.

"Nah, stay a little longer," Vinny said with that grin of his. "Freshen up here, we can watch a movie or somethin'. Barely got to talk with you, and my friends were askin' about you."

"I had a good time, y'all were hilarious," I laughed.
He nodded and headed to his room, motionin' for me to follow. I ain't gonna lie, part of me wanted to stay, but I wasn't about to invite myself over.  He offered, though, so I figured, why not?

***Listen up, ladies. I, Sunny, am here to drop some truth bombs on y'all. That night with Vinny? It was more than just a casual hangout with a bestie. I was catchin' feelings for him, and instead of checkin' myself, I let things get blurry.

Even though nothin' sexual happened, sharin' a bed with him, feelin' his warmth, created a whole different vibe. It was intimate, and I ain't gonna lie, I enjoyed it.

When he pulled me close that night, it felt good. We spent the evenin' laughin', talkin', and just bein' present. And then we fell asleep, all peaceful and cozy.

That ain't how you chill with just any friend, girl. That's the kinda intimacy that leads to somethin' more. I should recognized those feelings and changed how I was rolling with Vinny.

So, learn from my mistakes. Pay attention to your heart, and don't be afraid to switch things up when boundaries start getting blurred. We all deserve a love that's clear, honest, and true to us.***

*** Ch. 6 coming out soon ***