Forgotten feelings

Part ~ 3

Damn, I looked like some sick old pervert. She looked at me as if she was afraid, and what am I even talking about when I'm afraid of myself. I didn't think it would turn out this way, I met her accidentally in this supermarket. I don't know what's happening to me, the feelings are so strange, like something familiar, but I can't quite understand what it is. God, just not...

— "I don't see any changes in your mental state. If you don't want to change something yourself, no one can help you." — that psychologist, whose face Bucky seemed so tired of this month, he couldn't stand to look at her expression anymore. But he just remained silent, unable to say anything or answer. His brows were always furrowed, it seemed like he never relaxed his facial muscles, especially in public. He looked at everyone as if they were enemies. He nervously licked his lips and turned his gaze to the window. She wouldn't leave his mind, this image he had seen for the second time in his life. It got stuck in his memories, and no matter how much he tried to erase it, nothing worked.

— "Have you tried dating girls?" — Of course, of course, he had tried dating women, his problems were solved, and now he just needed to try dating. If he rarely went outside and only in such clothes where he wouldn't be recognized or would not attract attention. Often with his arms covered to avoid any extra attention. This damned prosthetic, women dream exactly of such a man. Not to mention the other factors.

— "Yeah, in the '40s." — he always managed to be sarcastic, even in moments that caused him pain. A defensive reaction that worked one hundred percent. She just smiled dryly, making it clear that these tricks did not work on her. And that she had seen so many overconfident patients that they couldn't be counted on fingers. Most of whom always thought they didn't need help, just like him.

***
Sam always understood me, supported me, and very often helped, even breaking the law. But this time, he screwed up so badly that it couldn't be put into words. Anger was too strong an emotion for me, which I had never felt as intensely as now. Although it may seem that I feel it every minute of my existence. No, everything is not as it seems at first glance.

Handing over the shield to the government, not even to the government, but to this cocky turkey who has seen and knows nothing in his life. And then, damn it, he puts on the Captain America suit.

— "Do you understand that they practically identify themselves as gods? This serum in their bodies gives them power. And in turn, they fearlessly destroy people, literally glorifying themselves." — Sam was passionately talking about their mission with James, which they had to complete. Gesticulating roughly and expressing himself very emotionally about these "gods." The number of whom was growing more and more each time, and the serum they got from somewhere didn't run out. Everything seemed to be cracking more and more with each passing day, and it wasn't getting any better. Bucky, practically not listening to him, drank whiskey, squinting his eyes at one point.

— "Dude, what's up with you? You seem weird..." — the dark-skinned guy poked him in the shoulder to finally get his attention. Crossing his arms, he sat opposite, demonstratively waiting for him to finally tell what had happened.

— "Nothing. I'm just thinking about the sessions, that's all." — he finished the whiskey left at the bottom of the glass in one gulp and put it on the table, turning back to his friend, exhaling. Spreading his legs wide, which was very comfortable for him, he leaned against the back of the sofa.

— "So what are the plans with these so-called gods?" — he asked, looking straight into his eyes. It was hard to find a person who would look so seriously as if into a soul. And he was exactly that person, who never stopped doing this. Sam shook his head skeptically as if saying, "I don't believe you, you are not yourself..." But, deciding not to pester him with this, thinking he would tell him when he wanted, he left him alone.