Ahlam (Dreams)

16 - Fear

Him

"Niyyas where have you been?" Abbas came up to me with a grin

"I just went to the bazaar, I thought I could get something"

"And what did you get?"

I pulled out the box and gave it to Abbas, he opened it and nodded "This is nice, but I'm sure If I went with you, I could get something much better"

I scoffed, knowing where the discussion was going "You seem to have become more confident in yourself ever since you got married."

"Hajar is a picky and fashionable Muslim woman, and I always get the best of gifts right from time Niyyas, but I can say that you are improving"

I rolled my eyes "And right from time you learned the art of bragging"

He nodded and closed his eyes, and then when he opened them back they no longer had that playful glint in them "I notice that you seem to be running away from something"

I felt like time had stopped, my whole body froze and my blood had stopped rushing.

"Niyyas, you seem to be turning pale" Abbas tilted his head and took a step closer

I unconsciously took a step back "It's nothing much. I didn't just notice it was evident"

"So what is it that's bothering you?"

"It's just the marriage thing. You know the pressure appears even to be more here than at home, that's all"

Abbas raised an eyebrow and folded his arms on his chest "It has never affected you, why now?"

I hit him playfully "People change you know, I'm just thinking... maybe I should get married "

Abbas smirked and was about to say something but was interrupted by a scream "Uncle Abbas!!"

Abbas placed his hand again on his head "That's Sundus, not again"

I laughed "What did she do now?"

Abbas looked up at me "She wants me to marry Saffiyah so she can get a niece, she doesn't understand "

I shook my head and continued laughing "Then why don't you explain?"

Then I saw Sundus running towards us "Uncle Abbas, you'll become my brother-in-law, so I'll call you brother, yes?"

Abbas shook his head "I can't marry your sister, we can't work."

Sundus held his robe and cried into it "But I want to be an aunty"

Abbas looked around and then smirked, " Well Niyyas was telling me how he wanted to marry, and you should meet Yazid too."

Sundus paused and then looked at me, her face with a bright smile that showed her gap teeth, which reflected the striking resemblance between her and her  father "So you'll be brother Niyyas"

I shook my head and Abbas held her as I used the chance to scramble away. As I went to my room, I bumped into Saffiyah and the book she was carrying fell. I hastened to pick it up and then I saw a poem

With my Lord, is the way
With my sword, Kuffar I slay
As calm as a wise old sage
Yet slicing through them with rage

Everything has its end
We will die not two, but one
Broken bonds then cannot mend
The damage will be done

"Saffiyah this is very nice, who wrote this?"

I turned to look at her face but she was already on her way. I focused on her until she was out of sight and entered my room. As I washed my hair, I left it to its full length, letting it drop to my shoulders. "Ya Khaliq, saedani" (O creator, help me) I went to my balcony watching the rows of houses and the street. Soon I heard a knock on the door.

"Sufyan finally made her understand," Abbas said as he sighed in relief

"So Sufyan could do it, but you, a grown man, could not?"

Abbas glared at me "You know I have a soft spot for children, I can't see any tears in her eyes"

We talked for a long time before Abbas had to leave for business. I stayed there for some time before my mind drifted to the poem I had seen when that book had fallen.

Who was Bint Idris? Who wrote that poem? I felt like meeting with her, asking her to share some of her wisdom, to learn from her, and to benefit myself.

I put on my robe and made my way to the training ground, where I had left the bow Abbas gave me, however, when I got there I just stood there, staring at the sight before me.

There Cyra was, shooting arrows without missing a target with my bow, I remembered what had transpired that day, and a lump emerged in my throat. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't stop looking at her. The bow looked perfect in her hands like it was made for her and only her. I didn't know how I was there, but I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Why are you smiling?" Abbas asked in a hushed tone before tracing my line of sight.

His eyes widen at Cyra "Audhubillah Niyyas, what has come over you that you lose yourself like this?"

I adjusted my weight on the wall "I don't know Abbas honestly. I don't know...but I need a favour"

Abbas wrinkled his eyebrows " In such a situation you ask for a favour, what?"

I pointed to her "Give her the bow, but don't tell her it's from me"

Abbas's eyes widen "You only used that bow once Niyyas, it was one of the finest, and now you just want to give it out"

"Tsk Abbas" I turned to him "Don't do this, just give it to her. I have no use of it"

Abbas opened his mouth to speak, but just sighed "Then why don't you just give it yourself?"

I looked down, still remembering all that I had said to her that day "I don't have the courage, please just do it"

Abbas looked at her, then back at me "Something happened, but I'm not going to ask."

I watched Abbas go up to Cyra, who waved at him and they exchanged greetings"

"You seem to like the bow," Abbas said smirking

Cyra looked down at the bow and then back at him "It is beautiful, is it yours?"

Abbas hesitated and looked at me, before returning his gaze to her and nodding "You can have it"

Cyra opened her mouth and stretched her hands to give it to him "No there is no need"

Abbas smiled and pushed back to her "I don't take no for an answer, and wouldn't you accept a gift from a fellow Muslim?"

Cyra raised her head and smiled even wider "Jazakallahu Khayran"

Abbas looked at me for a brief second again "Wa Iyyakum, Niyyas would be coming here, maybe you can practice with us"

I watch Cyra's smile fade and her face darkened "Um sorry Abbas, I was leaving. I can train with you another time" She hastily picked up her arrows.

I moved away from the door and watched her run away from there. Feeling the pain in my heart, I walked up to Abbas and he sighed again, this time heavier "I hope something unlawful didn't happen between you too. I trust you Niyyas but I just keep remembering what happened to Veeda, I can only hope you didn't repeat it."

I watched him walk away, with the flashbacks replaying in my head about my past.