The Internship

Update

Hey, sorry I haven't been active for like 3 weeks, I will post a chapter for The Internship in like 2 days and a chapter for my One Shots in like 5 days. I just wanted to say sorry, as I am usually not away for this long. I will explain briefly why in the next paragraph, and you can skip it if you want; it isn't really juicy or anything so... but the paragraph after I would like you to read as I need your help. Aka it is a rant of some sort.

So I haven't been updating recently because my anxiety and depression have gotten really bad over the past few weeks. For you that follow me on Instagram, I am not often verbal with it because my friends that I see... often-ish (ones I hang out with at school and stuff) follow me and see everything I post and I don't really want them all to know. Not yet. Two of my friends especially are HUGE gossipers and I don't want my depression to be the latest thing for all of Grade 10, 11, and 12 (which is about 500+ kids, I go to a big school in Canada). So if you are wondering why I have been so AFK it is because I have been off for summer for about a month now. I have seen my friends for about one day in that month, my sister is away for the summer and my mom works all the time and when she isn't working she is with her friends. That leaves me alone often, and I am already anti-social enough, my idea of a good time is sitting in my room alone watching YouTube. I sometimes tell my friends I am busy so I can not be around people. So after a month of being alone, my depression has reached an all time high and my love for life has hit a low (not the worst though). This is bad. It sucks. Luckily I am going out today with a friend where I will hopefully not break down in front of him. Lets hope. And I have been trying to post stuff on Instagram so my friends don't ask me if I am okay. THEY HAVE ALL BEEN HANGING OUT TOGETHER AND NOT INVITING ME. That is what has mostly triggered me to be so down. This fact leads me to believe they do not want me as a friend. It sucks being so insecure about myself as a person. I just wish people knew without me having to tell them. I wish people were nice.

Secondly. This one is more difficult. I have recently been questioning my... what's the word... the gender I like. Before this I believed I was straight. But now I can see myself seeing a girl. Now I am fine with all that and I support the LGBT+ community, as I hope you know. Now, I have kissed three girls and I don't mind it. I have never kissed a boy because apparently boys don't like me, but overall I guess I am questioning? I like boys, I would kiss them, have sex with them, but at the same time I could see myself dating a girl, kissing a girl, and I don't know about sex but maybe? I don't even really know about sex with boys. It just isn't something that interests me right now. What I am trying to say is what am I? I have told one friend of mine in exchange for a secret of hers, and she replied that it was juicy. I was a bit offended by that. My sexual preference is juicy? I am glad you find that interesting. I will tell two of my other friends because I know they will be supportive, and I might tell James, the friend I am with tomorrow if he asks what I have been thinking about lately. One of my friends I won't tell because she is a little strange and christian, and I don't know how she will respond. Well I do, she will support me but our friendship will change. And the two others who gossip? I AM NEVER TELLING THEM. EVER. I had a crush on James once, now I don't. I stopped when James started dating my best friend Brianna (one of the supportive ones). But now whenever I hang out with James they tell me I am being to clingy and obvious I like him. I don't. I told them that. So I am not going to tell them this. They are fucking crazy. I don't know why I am friends with them on second glance. Any-who if you could help me in determining if there is a name for this weird thing I am experiencing or if it is just questioning or I am bi, please help me. I am so confused. Maybe I am just straight. I don't know. I feel like I want to cry in frustration. I am demisexual, I know that. But that is all. Thanks. Sorry if I am being annoying with this or if I offended you in any way. I truly am.

Love you, and see you later Shitlord(s)!

-Xephari, Yogscast5ever, or Victoria *Grizwald kiss*