Shouyo couldn't remember the exact moment when things started to go wrong. Maybe, it was the little things, like the way Kiyoomi’s smile didn't reach his eyes anymore, or how they'd gone from hanging out everyday to once a week if they were lucky.
Or maybe, it was when Kiyoomi seemed to be spending way more time with a girl— laughing with her, texting her, sharing inside jokes that Shouyo wasn't a part of. Yeah, that stung. Especially when Shouyo… doesn't only sees him as his best friend anymore.
It all started innocently enough, Shouyo guessed. They'd been best friend since they were basically toddlers, back when sharing a juice box was a big deal and sleepovers meant staying up all night whispering about monsters under the bed. They had history, man. The kind of history that should've been timeless. But Shouyo was learning the hard way that nothing's really timeless, not even 21 years of friendship.
But he pushed those thoughts down, down, down, where they wouldn't see the light of day.
Because Kiyoomi was... Kiyoomi wasn't like that. He didn't just not like guys. He hated the idea. He'd thrown around slurs occasionally, laughed at homophobic jokes, and made it painfully clear that anything beyond straight was a one—way ticket to “get the hell away from me” town. So Shouyo, did what he had to do—he buried his feelings and tried to convince himself that they didn't matter, that Kiyoomi, was just his best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
Then things started to get weird.
Sakusa began doing things that messed with Shouyo’s head. Touches that lingered a little too long, too intimate, compliments he never said before, those looks that seemed like they were about to say something but stopped just short.
And Shouyo? Shouyo felt like an indiot, because he let himself hope. How could he not? When his best friend whom he had feelings for is not acting as usual. He let himself think that maybe— just maybe— Kiyoomi was finally seeing him the way he'd seen him.
He'd get this mixed signals that drove him insane. Like, Kiyoomi would invite him over to his house to study, then they'd end up sharing a blanket on the couch, their legs touchings, the warmth seeping through Shouyo’s skin and settling in his chest.
Sakusa would look at him with his big dark eyes, all soft, and warm, and Shouyo would swear that the dark—haired male was about to close the distance between them. He could've sworn Kiyoomi wanted to kiss him, but then the moment would pass, Kiyoomi pulls away, leaving Shouyo to question everything.
Even though they were inseparable, Kiyoomi has never liked close contact with people—even with Shouyo. So, what did this mean?
As time pass by, Shouyo started to believe it. He let himself imagine a future where they were something more, where Kiyoomi was his and he was Kiyoomi's, and nothing else mattered.
And because he was a damn fool, he decided to take the plunge.
It happened on a rainy Thursday. They were hanging out at Kiyoomi's place, the sound of the rain pattering against the windows, making everything feel cozy and safe. They were sitting next to each other on the couch, their shoulders brushing, Shouyo could barely focus on the movie they're watching, for all he could think about is Sakusa.
And what it would be like to kiss him, to tell him ‘I love you’ and he would happily say it back. His heart was racing, palms sweating against the cold surroundings, and he though: ‘Screw it, I'm doing it.’.
“Omi”, He started, voice shaking slightly. He looked over at his best friend, who was staring at the screen, seemingly oblivious to the storm brewing inside his chest.
“There's something I need to tell you,”
And Omi turned to him, eyebrows raised, a small smile playing on his lips like he had no idea how much he was killing Shouyo just by existing. “Yeah?,”
Shouyo took a deep breath, his heart pounding hard. This was it. No going back now. “I… I like you Omi. Like, really, really like you… More… than friends… Do you—feel the same?”
For a split second, everything was still. The rain outside seemed to fade into the background, the world holding its ground, waiting for Kiyoomi's response.
Shouyo, for that one stupid, reckless moment, actually thought the latter might say he felt the same. But then, Kiyoomi's smile faltered, his expression twisting into something he was quite familiar with—disgust and hatred.
“You're joking, right?” Sakusa's voice was cold, the warmth gone in an instant. “Tell me you're joking, Shouyo.”
At that moment, the ginger-haired male's heart plummeted into his stomach. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He'd thought, he'd hoped…
The reality had hit him far from what he'd imagined. Sakusa was staring at him like he was something filthy, something disgusting, and Shouyo's chest tightened painfully.
“You must mean it, right? Looking at that troubled expression of yours.” Sakusa broke the silence, and shouyo tensed up.
“This will be the first, and last time I say this. I love you, Shouyo.—” Shouyo's eye glimmered with hope for a moment, “As my best friend. We can be nothing more than that. Now, Get out! You're so disgusting I feel so fucking suffocated right now…”
“O-Omi—” Shouyo reached for him, “Stop! Get out! You've just ruined our friendship! I don't want to see you again!” but Sakusa had pushed him away, with so much force, he stumbled on the floor. He was about to open his mouth, but stopped when he saw tears in Sakusa's eyes.
“I-I'm sorry.” Without another word, Shouyo scrambled off the floor, grabbing his things and stumbled towards the door. he felt numb, like he was moving through a dream—a nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
He messed up. Was it worth it? He asked himself. He got himself hurt—by confessing, and him… by ruining their friendship.
His chest tightened once again, the rain soaking through his clothes as he ran down the street. He didn't stop until he was far away, until the cold had seeped into his bones, and the reality of what had just happened hit him like a ton of bricks.
Kiyoomi never wanted him. Not like that. Never.
Shouyo found himself sitting on a park bench, drenched and shivering, staring at the ground as the rain poured down senselessly around him. How could he have been so stupid? Him, of all people should've known better. Sakusa had always made it clear how he felt about people like him. This was how it was going to end, onw way or another. He had just been too blinded by his feelings to see it.
