I don't want empathy

Prologue

The meaning of life is a subject that many people ponder. It's something that keeps people up at night because there is no clear answer, everything just comes down to speculation.
I often wonder what the meaning of life is but not for the same purpose as others, I don't want to know what makes me meaningful as a person or what can get me in some kid's history book, that will eventually be covered in mindless doodles and drool because of intense boredom. I want to know why people choose to suffer through life in hopes there is something better coming or why they spend
their lives collecting things only to leave them for another person. In a lot of speeches, it's heard that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will get better if you wait out the storm and yet when you're caught in the storm it doesn't feel that way.

Still, I want to know what makes people believe so wholeheartedly that something better will come. Will there come a time when they will be smiling down at me because they have reached fame and success or will it end in tragedy as most fame does with youth stolen and bonds broken? I don't know if I believe in life getting better by chance. I think if you want your situation to change you must claw your way up over everyone who chooses to stand still because to stand still forever means you will always be last. Maybe I don't know anything because I'm still young but what I do know is that life is hard but it becomes easier the more you work with it. Overreacting and throwing fits won't help but that doesn't mean to let people walk all over you either. You must find balance in life.

Life can be either long or short. When you're young you have no perception of time until you are taught. Most kids say things like forever and infinity when they mean a few moments but sometimes I like to believe that time is stretched when you're a child. When you're so young you can't properly count and your front teeth have just fallen out. Now that I am older the days blend and what I thought was yesterday was three years ago. My life is moving very quickly and as much as I said I wanted to be an adult when I was small, I wish I was a child again. Now it's no longer realistic to tell my mother I want to be a princess when I grow up. I have to start planning for college and telling them jobs that are important and sound like they mean something. It's almost as if my time is starting to flow quicker and quicker. If time was a river it started as a slow trickle when I was born but is now a rushing river that brings heavy emotion and responsibility.

Even as I feel these emotions now I know that they will pass. I know life cannot be like this forever. I must work for what I want because nothing in this world is free and I can't have debt or else it will only add to the mountain of things I must work on when I am older. I haven't reached the peak of my life yet nor have I reached the end of it so for now I am going to focus on making the solutions to the problems that I see today So they won't be there tomorrow. In this life having balance, belief, and perspective is what matters.

That was a bunch but it was the start. If this is to heavy for you please don't get caught in the web of sadness I am going to spin. What I write is never pretty so don't look for happiness in these pages.