Book Of Fiona - The First Part Of The Shrek Scripts

Two

The first thing she noticed was his shrexy unibrow, how elegantly it seemed to be painted across his face. His perfectly symmetrical swampy brown eyes and how they fell upon her body. The green tint of his skin almost stole away her breath as she gazed upon his funnel shaped ears... she was sure this was what love felt like.

The Princess Fiona marveled at the way his luscious lips moved... oh. He was speaking to her. She brought herself out of this trance and snapped back to reality.

"Are you Princess Fiona?" He asks. His voice washes over her like warm mud.

"I am... awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me." She smiles and flutters her eyelashes ever so slightly.

"Ah. That's nice." He says. It was indeed very nice. "Now let's go!" He concludes, dragging her roughly by the arm. She yanks herself free of his grip.

"This is the first time we've met." She protests for show.

"Aye." Says the masterpiece in front of her.

"And you've come to rescue me..."

"Aye."

"Then shouldn't this be romantic?"

"Yeahhhh... no."

"But the stories say-"

"The stories are wrong. There are no happily ever afters." He says mockingly, malice clouding his beautiful features.

"Maybe there can be this time...." Princess Fiona looks up at him coyly.

"In your dreams. I'm married."

"She doesn't have to know." She insists, gently taking his hand and trailing her fingers over his well built biceps. Shrek looks as if he's holding himself back, afraid to give in to what he truly desires.

At that moment, a livid, weird looking bee with humanoid features shatters her stained glass window, intruding on the moment.

"Shrek, how could you!" The bee cries out.

"No, Barry, it's not like that!" Insists the one called Shrek.

"No, this has gone on for too long. We're done."

"Please Barry, I swear! I'm doing it for the money! Farquad offered a reward for the return of this mad wench. We'll be able to afford the rising cost of living after this, maybe even have 3 blind kids like you've always wanted!" He pleads.

"I'm sorry, but I can't trust you anymore. Goodbye Shrek, I'll see you in Hell!" Barry B Benson flies forward, piercing first Fiona, then Shrek with his stinger before flying back out the window and tearing off his wings. With one final scream, he plummets to the ground as Shrek rushes to the window, just in time to see him hit the pavement on the castle floor, hundreds of feet below.

"Now look what you've done!" Exclaims Shrek.

The Princess offers only a lustful look.

"With him out of the picture, now you don't have to worry. We can do anything you want...." She trails off seductively. Shrek runs his tongue across his bottom lip, for a brief moment considering it, before composing himself.

"In your dreams, thirsty maiden. I'm only rescuing you for money. Nothing more."

He tosses her over his shoulder to which she giggles in delight.

"Shut up." He tells her plainly as they begin the decent down to the main level.