Playing Pretend

35| Expect THE unexpected

Crystal

The morning light seeped through the curtains, exacerbating the pounding in my head. I shifted uncomfortably, the sweat from last night's activities making the sheets cling to me. I turned onto my side, trying to find a more comfortable position, and my eyes settled on Zeno lying beside me. He was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with each deep breath. For a moment, I reached out and gently caressed his face, my fingers brushing against the stubble on his cheek. I feel so bad... That his mother is dying.

He shouldn't have to go through that.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my head, and I groaned, clutching my temples. "Fuck," I muttered, but the pain didn't ease.

Trying to shake it off, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stepped on something squishy. Looking down, I saw a used condom stuck to the floor. At least we were safe. I recoiled and made my way to the bathroom, desperately needing to wash away the sweat and haze of the night.

The shower was a small sanctuary as I stepped inside, letting the hot water cascade over me. The steam enveloped me, and I closed my eyes, trying to let the warmth soothe the pounding in my head. The alcohol and the remnants of the drugs still clung to my system, making me feel both dizzy and lethargic.

Why did I do that, why am I doing this? this is not how I'm suppose to be. But I can't stop, I don't want to face reality. So why do I? Am I not allowed to feel good for once? to be happy?

The bathroom door creaked open. I peaked out through the curtain, Zeno stepped in, his hair disheveled and his eyes still heavy with sleep. He glanced at me with a mix of concern and awkwardness.

"Hey," he said, his voice gentle. "I thought I'd check on you. How are you doing?" he yawned.

I turned off the water and stepped out in all my glory. "I'm... Okay."

He nodded, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes quickly moving up and down my body. He cleared his throat and looked away, "Need anything? I can grab you some aspirin or something."

I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body. "Yes, please."

I grabbed a pair of Zeno's clothes that lay draped over a chair. I slipped on his shirt, which was slightly too big but comfortable, and then pulled on his sweatpants.

I walked out of the bedroom, he was pouring water into a glass. I looked around the messy living room, damn. "Its a mess, ain't it?" He chuckled, handing me the glass and aspirin.

"Yeah." After I swallowed the aspirin and set the glass aside.

"Can I... Ask you something?" I cleared my throat.

"Hm?"

"Are you mad?"

He raised a brow.

Maybe he doesn't remember.

"Mad? about the fact you stole from me?"

Shit, he remembers.

"I don't know why I did it—"

"You're hurting." He stated. "I don't blame you, I can't. Because I've done the same thing before." He looked down kicking imaginary rocks, "I mean I've been taking drugs from the stash, almost got Sebastian and I killed."

Thats right... He was taking drugs and that guy that came, I wasn't really listening but he seemed pissed.

"You wanna feel better, thats why I do what I do. To feel happy."

There was a long pause as we both stared at the cluttered living room. The chaos around us seemed to mirror our lives.

"Maybe this is just how it is," I said quietly. "Maybe we're not meant to fix this."